Chain restaurant tour: RED LOBSTER
Mar 2nd, 2008 by dino-ray
There are hundreds upon hundreds of top notch non-chain eateries in the San Francisco Bay Area. I’ve eaten at many of them, but once in a while, I get the hankering to eat at a commercial chain restaurant. There’s something really satisfying about eating predictable food from family-oriented restaurant that you can find anywhere in the world.
More often than not, my friend Alice has the same idea. That said, we drag her boyfriend out with us to eat manufactured food in these amusement parks with laminated menus and spotty silverware wrapped in paper napkins.
In an area where these places aren’t the easiest to find, Alice and I make it a point to eat at one every month. So far we’ve hit Chili’s and Olive Garden.
Last week, we dined at Red Lobster in the cosmopolitan city of Fremont.
But before I get to that, I want to share a little story with you.
While waiting for Alice and Paul (her BF), I was sitting in the lobby amidst the devoted Red Lobster fans waiting for a table and the stench of fish sticks. I was sitting on a bench when a young couple made themselves at home next to me.
“You want to sit down?” asked the boy in a thug-like East Bay drawl, draped in a cocked baseball cap and oversized hoodie.
“How about you sit down and I sit on your lap,” answered the girl in imitation Uggs.
So they did.
They did an in-depth analysis of the menu and discussed what they were going to eat in a way that made me uncomfortable. It was like they were in the middle of food foreplay.
“You want crab legs baby?” said the girl.
“Mmmm – that sounds good girl,” said the boy whilst caressing her thighs.
Did they not realize that I was sitting right there? Their talk about all this food eventually turned me on as well.
I was upset when they decided to move to a bench with a bigger audience.
Luckily, Alice and Paul arrived and we got seated almost immediately.
We started off we the restaurant’s world-famous Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Baskets upon baskets were delivered to us because we demanded our less-than-excited waitress to bring some out every time we saw her. The flavor of cheddar, garlic and fluffy Bisquick explode in your mouth and stay with you long after the restaurant.
For a nice “seaside starter,” we opted for the Lobster, Artichoke and Seafood Dip with tortilla chips sprinkled with what seemed to be MSG. We ate it up so fast I didn’t have time to snap a picture.
Alice and Paul shared a delectable cocktail in the form of a margarita presented in this glass purchased from the houseware department at Ross Dress for Less.
Now for the entrees:
Paul is a vegetarian, so eating at Red Lobster was a challenge for him. Our waitress with ill-fitting jeans made it worse for him by acting like a heffa when he asked for advice on what to eat. Nonetheless, he did enjoy a feast of phallic shaped deep fried cheese.
Okay, that big ol’ pile of something on the plate looks like vomit – but if it tasted damn good. Alice chose the Rock Island Stuffed Tilapia. If vomit tasted that good, then I would be a vomit addict. That sounded really gross.
I decided to do the “create your own feast” option with grilled salmon and Walt’s favorite shrimp. Dry and greasy – just how I like it. And who is Walt?
Next stop on the tour? Alice and I are talking about hitting the famous restaurant of kitschy decor and bad service: TGIFridays.
[...] I remember when I took Alice (my chain restaurant confidant) to one of Colleen’s shows last year where they gave away free Beard Papa cream puffs. Alice [...]
Hi! I just wanted to let you know that I cited your article in my own review. Thanks!