I am safe from the plague lay-offs

Yes, you heard that right. For all nine of my daily readers that have been keeping up with my blog, I did not get laid off.

To celebrate, I ate the remainder of my Girl Scout Cookies and then stole some from my co-worker, Susan. I also treated myself to a movie (The Bank Job – great English accented heist movie with titty ball shots scattered throughout and the lovable use of the word bollocks) and a great Indian dinner from Tabla in Pleasanton. Now I have really bad channa masala infused gas – but it is very well worth it.

Unfortunately, two of my co-workers who I can act normal around applied for the buy-out and got accepted. It’s sad. I will no longer have anyone to go with to lunch on Fridays. I will no longer have someone to act crass and vulgar around without them threatening to call Human Resources. I guess I have to test the waters at work to find a new person to talk about obscene things with like bowel movements as performance art, pork chop lattes and hand jobs.

Luckily, tomorrow we are going to celebrate their departure from our reluctant workplace.

That said, I can expect another series of lay-off woes in sixth months. It’s always good to keep my resume fresh and ripe, available for the picking – much like a talented whore who can turn a mother fucker out.

That didn’t make any sense.