the finer dandy

Each week I look forward to my issue of Entertainment Weekly hoping that one day my name will appear as a byline in one of the pieces.

That day has yet to come - partly because my writing is really sucking. I mean really sucking. It sucks like a toothless hooker in a back alley.

As of late, I have been trying to pitch an article to get into the front of book section - but I think my pitch process, like my writing, sucks.

I don’t know what my problem is. Every time I approach a blog, my journal or a word processing program, I get all tense and I can’t fucking think. My head is all muddled with ideas and I can’t focus.

Honestly, I think it’s the environment I am in. I don’t feel comfortable in my little cube at work. I don’t feel settled and I feel like the new kid on the playground - but that is another story.

Anyways, as I was reading Chris Willman’s review of Madonna’s new album Hard Candy and I was thinking, “Why the hell can’t I write like this?” In fact, almost all the articles I read in Entertainment Weekly are quick witted, enriched with pop culture references and fun to read.

I feel like I haven’t reached that level.

This wounded writer feeling has been in my bones for a while. I thought it would pass, but it hasn’t. I am just really unsatisfied with my writing.

When I sent EW a pitch, they replied almost immediately - which gave me a captive audience. So I sent a couple more ideas - but I have yet to hear back from them. I sent a follow up just a couple hours ago. And I am going to keep on keepin’ on like the Brady Bunch. Even if they don’t take that idea I am going to continue pitching EW. No matter how much my writing is waning or how wack the pitch is, I am gonna send it their way.

But…maybe I shouldn’t be a writer. Maybe I should follow my dream of being a top tier donkey show performer.