the finer dandy

The best part of my week has started! SYTYCD is on! And Cat Deeley is actually wearing something decent.

So we are now down to 12 dancers…and the staple dance introductions are getting cheesier and cheesier…

Can you believe that I still don’t have a favorite in this bunch?

Anyways, once again, the six couples will dance twice…

Ugh. I hate it when Cat goes, LAHDIES AND GENTLEMEHN HERE ARR YOOR….JOODGES!

Ok first up is Marc and Chelsie and choreographer Alex De Silva is wearing a hat and sunglasses he looks like a salsa raver.

Ok so now the two are dancing…and I am kind of not paying attention. Wait - is Marc wearing a jumpsuit? or is that a two-piece? That dress Chelsie is wearing is insane she looks like she is wearing the carcass of a peacock.

The judges say its a great way to start the show and Nigel says that Alex looked like a Brazilian Bono. Why do I have a feeling that the judges are going to get on my nerves tonight?

Ugh. Mary Murphy is talking. What the hell is that prom dress she’s wearing? And she looks like she’s been tanning like crazy. If she screams I am going to jump off my roof.

Mia Michaels…she intimidates me. Especially with that hat - oooh - could this quote be the quote of the evening: “You’re so beautiful that I could stab you” - said by Mia to Chelsie. Wow - now that’s a pick up line if I’ve ever heard one.

Okay so now we are on a commercial break, but before that, Cat just told us that they are going to have their first BOLLYWOOD routine! Now that’s exciting! So exciting that I am going to smoke a cigarette.

…and we’re back!

COMFORT and toothy THAYNE are going to make it hot with a Napoleon and Tabitha routine - they have KILLED IT with their routines…

OK - FINALLY someone called him out on his smiling. I mean, how can you not? You can see his smile from space.

Ok - I am already diggin’ this routine. You can never go wrong with a R&B making-babies romp by Ne-yo.

Man - Comfort was making it HOT with all that writhing on the floor and on Thayne - but NIGEL did NOT LIKE IT! BUSTED!!!

And now CAT tried sticking up for them and NIGEL straight up shut her down!

Mary didn’t like it either and her dress is getting more and more hideous by the minute.

But Mia liked it…kind of. She’s wearing some off the shoulder thing and her chest looks all oiled up. Hot.

Up next? Jessica and Will with a Tyce Diorio contemporary routine….rehearsals look intense. They are all intertwining on each other’s body - it’s supposed to be some sort of Garden of Eden thing.

Okay, so Will’s shirt is off again - that means he’s safe. He’s also wearing a pair of hot pants so that will get some extra points from tongue wagging fans.

Wow…this is some straight up softcore Circue De Soleil shtuff. And this music is so…so…so….metaphysical.

Judges rule: “STUNNING” says NIGEL. Mary is blushing and says, “It’s one of the most amazing pieces she’s ever seen on the show.” And she let out her banshee cry. Mia says it was the “perfect moving body art.” Okay - that is great.

Honestly, that was a good routine. BEAUTIFUL LINES! Do you notice how that’s always a phrase in the judges’ arsenal of criticism? I enjoyed it. It was like watching wind blowing through the leaves of a lush forest. I could SO be a judge on the show!

…commercial time…

Up next, Courtney and Gev do a cha cha choreographed by Pasha and Anya, SYTYCD alums. And fun fact: everyone in the room was Russian except for Courtney!

Ooooh! They are dancing to a remixed version of my JAM: PLEASE DON’T STOP THE MUSIC by RIHANNA. Wow..I am so not paying attention to this routine. Gev is also wearing some sort of low cut jumpsuit and Courtney looks like a goldfish stripper.

What do the judges think? I don’t care. They are gushing, but for some reason, I don’t think they mean it. Ugh - what is it with Mary’s cha-cha-chaaaaaaaaa comment? And now she goes on with this hot tamale train comment and Mia looks like she will stab her.

For some reason, I am really uninterested in what the judges have to say. And now we learned that Gev shaved his chest. That’s magical.

Okay, now Twitch and Kherington are going to krump up in this mo’ fo.

OOOOH! TWITCH IS MAKING IT HOT. Wow - they are surprisingly tearing this ish up! Okay…it seems like Kherington is losing a little steam…but she’s hangin’ in there…

Ugh. The judges are talking. And Nigel is looking constipated. He needs a laxative.

Oooh….Kherington has some golden lipstick…fancy!

Now Mary is talking…we’ll just ignore that.

Mia - “dirty, disgusting, nasty…buck…” Well put. And then she goes on to say, “Son, you served gangsta on a platter.” We could’ve done without that.

And yes, they did kill that. They shut it down. They ripped it. They came correct. They smashed it. They made it hot. So far, my fave routine of the evening.

It’s commercial time - so I am going to go out to my balcony and scare my neighbors with some krumping.

Now up on the stage…Joshua and Katee with a Viennese Waltz to “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls! I loved this song back in the day…

The routine seems heavy - isn’t it supposed to be light and airy? We’ll see what the judges say…

Nevermind…I don’t want to comment on their comments…but I will anyway. Generally, they liked it - but they said it wasn’t their best.

So now we are at half-time…all the couples danced once, now they are set to dance again.

So now Marc and Chelsie are doing a Broadway routine to “I Am a Woman” from Smokey Joe’s Cafe choreographed by Tyce….it’s fun. It’s sassy. It’s Broadway!

Wow I just totally ignored all of what the judges said.

Now let’s see if Comfort and Thayne can redeem themselves from their hip hop routine with a Mandy Moore contemporary routine…

I am mesmerized…it’s like watching an Enya song, but instead, George Michael is singing…

Wow…I thought it was magical…but I bet you the judges dig into them…Nigel just busted on them - he wanted to see another couple dance that…and Mary just continues the bashing…so does Mia - but she thinks Thayne is BRILLIANT! Well at least something came good out of this…

They are just so mean to these two. I am fixin’ to vote for them because I feel sorry for them (insert sad face emoticon here).

Commercial time…

So we are back and Will and Jessica get cursed with the quick step…

That was FUN! There were flips and everything! And how could you not enjoy a routine that incorporates AMERICAN BANDSTAND?

Judges…performance: good, technical aspect: bad.

Man, picking the quick step SUCKS!

OOOH! BUSTED! Mia said that Will looks TIRED of carrying Jessica and that it’s time for a new partner! Now that is a big ol’ nasty slap in the face!

Okay commercial time…wow this live blogging is getting exhausting…

So we’re back and Courtney and Gev are about to do a “lost in the jungle” jazz routine…

It’s very “Indiana Jones” meets “Jewel of the Nile.” Nigel said there’s no substance, but fun. Mary says was diggin’ it. Mia, her hat and her oily chest said it was great.

OH GOD. ANOTHER COMMERCIAL.

Okay, so now Twitch and Kherington are about to do this passionate tango filled with fisticuffs a la “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”

That was kinda…lame - and the judges agreed. I saw no saucy assassin. I saw no passion. Sorry folks - but they worked it out with the KRUMPING! I won’t forget that grittiness!

Oh wow. Another commercial. Yay.

Now that we are back from these droning commercials, Katee and Joshua are about to get cultural on us with the first ever BOLLYWOOD routine!

I wonder if they are ever going to have Filipino Folk Dancing as a category…I would definitely volunteer to be a choreographer.

Anyways, I really enjoyed that! I love the happiness of Bollywood! It’s so cheery! It’s so joyful! I want to be in a Bollywood movie!

Okay so my pick for who’s going home tomorrow?

I’m sorry to say but - Comfort and Thayne.

I guess we’ll see tomorrow!