What’s the point of the wallet chain?
Jul 4th, 2009 by dino-ray
This fourth of July wasn’t spent at a picnic nor was it spent at a street festival full of American flags, funnel cake (mmmmm) and fanny packs. It was spent mostly cleaning my apartment, watching Public Enemies (more on that later) and browsing the monolithic San Francisco Shopping Center for things I didn’t need. While doing so, I came across many males with wallet chains.
According to the Internet’s deluded “for the people by the people” encyclopedia, Wikipedia, the wallet chain was initially worn by motorcyclists back in the day so that when they rode their bikes, they wouldn’t lose their wallets.
My how times have changed.
I am pretty sure the guys I saw were not motorcyclists. Unless motorcyclists fancy popped collared pink Polos and skinny jeans.
I admit – I jumped on the wallet chain bandwagon circa 2004. I had two. One was thick enough to restrain a Rottweiler. The other one was a lot more decorative (code for gayer) – it draped around my waist and might as well have been a belly chain.
I think I wore them a total of four times each before I realized I was a hardcore poser. In fact, I just clipped them on to my belt loops. It wasn’t even a wallet chain because there was no wallet to accommodate the chain. I have no idea what made me buy the chains to begin with.
Actually, I think – I THINK– I decided to try out the waist décolletage after seeing Justin Timberlake wear it in one of his videos. Wow. Did I just admit that?
Perhaps it’s time to retire the wallet chain. Unless you are a motorcyclist, rockstar, associate of a rockstar or even a janitor, maybe you should pass on the wallet chain. When it comes down to it, the wallet chain is a conch belt for men – and we all know that conch belts are for turquoise jewelry-clad soccer moms named Iris who pride themselves on their hefty collection of Southwestern art and Dreamcatchers.