‘Salt’ is a Semi-Tolerable Action-Packed Guessing Game

If you’ve seen Angelina Jolie in Wanted, Mr. & Mrs Smith, Gone in 60 Seconds and even Kung Fu Panda, then you probably already know Evelyn Salt, the title character of Jolie’s latest film, Salt where she continues to use her skills as a sexy run-as-fast-as-you-can femme fatale to manhandle men and fire a gun with dead-stare precision.

There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong at all.

Salt is cut from the same cloth as the Bourne movies, except it’s a lot less captivating and a tad predictable. The core of the story revolves around Evelyn, a CIA agent who finds out that she is a Russian spy – and she didn’t even know it! It’s like Punk’d with a Cold War twist!

It all starts in the very beginning of the movie when Salt is being brutally interrogated by a bunch of unpleasant North Korean soldiers. That pretty much sets the stage for the aforementioned spy guessing game that is interrupted with chase scenes involving jumping from highway overpasses and low-wattage fisticuffs. This is all filler for the first half of the movie as we constantly ask “Is she or is she not a spy?” Then you figure it out. Then something happens. Then you ask yourself again, “Is she or is she not a spy?” Even her CIA homeboys are confused. Ted (Liev Schreiber) gives her sympathy votes and trusts that all of this is a misunderstanding. Peabody (Chiwetel Ejiofor), the follow-the-rules, protocol boy trusts what he sees with his own two eyes – and what he sees is that Salt is a big ol’ untrustworthy spy.

I can see the relevance of this film that is painted with espionage-infused paranoia and Manchurian Candidate-esque panache – but walking in this movie with the expectations of it being a mindless action-packed movie with partial nudity probably wasn’t a good idea.

As you read, I mentioned The Manchurian Candidate. That was an attempt for me to sound really cool, smart and cinematically douchey. What I meant to say was that Salt has a very thoughtful political parallel that someone else can tell you. I didn’t pay attention enough because I didn’t care. I was too busy waiting for Angelina to kick ass or impress me with the bravado of an intense scene of sobbing. The most memorable scene in the movie for me was when she showcased some snazzy MacGyver skills by building a rocket launcher out of a desk chair, table leg and fire extinguisher…and when she donned a wig in the final scenes that made her look like Ralph Macchio circa 1984. That should show you how much I took away from the movie.