‘The Mechanic’ and ‘The Rite’ Are the Same Movie!

On Friday January 28, two movies will come out: The Mechanic and The Rite. The former explores exorcisms, the latter delves into the world of hit men – and both have the declarative “THE” in the title, giving it a sense of cinematic authority and intimidation. But besides that, the movies are similar. Very similar. In fact, they are practically the same movie.

Don’t believe me? Read my well-researched observations that support my theory:

Adapted from other source material: OK. Considering Hollywood isn’t exactly keen on original material these days, this fact isn’t that much of a strong argument – but it does support a well-written GQ article by Mark Harris titled “The Day The Movies Died” (I encourage everyone to read it). Nonetheless, The Rite pulls it’s material from a book by journalist Matt Baglio and The Mechanic is a remake of a 1972 movie by the same name starring Charles Bronson. That said, Jason Statham is easier on the eyes; making his demeanor more rugged than crotchety.

Unorthodox mentor: Both movies involve a mentor and a mentee. Filling the role of the mentor in The Rite is Anthony Hopkins as Father Lucas Trevant and in The Mechanic is Statham as Arthur Bishop. Lucas excises demons as if he were throwing out the garbage and Arthur kills his targets as if – well – he’s taking out the garbage. Their methods of teaching their out of the ordinary trades to their mentees (which will be covered in the next bullet point) are odd, yet strategic. Lucas is like the Rachel Ray of exorcisms. He takes what seems to be an arduous task and turns it into a 30 minute meal. Arthur likes things to be in order and planned out. He’s pretty anal about making his killings as clean and flawless as possible. Despite their aesthetic differences, they are both kind of wacky.

Rebel mentee: The Rite features Colin O’Donoghue as Michael, a doubtful soon-to-be man of the cloth that challenges religion with science. Ben Foster is Arthur’s mentee in The Mechanic and is a disgruntled roughneck badass who is willing to learn, but is too impatient to go by the book. Both have lost parents, which may be the cause of their bad attitudes – one shows it more than the other. Either way, they are rebels.

Getting the job done: Both movies involve getting rid of something. The Mechanic team offs bad, bad people. The Rite team offs bad, bad demons. Each team uses a handheld weapon that can be deadly (i.e. a crucifix and a gun). While taking care of business, there’s some blood, crass language, and a few punches thrown. It’s family fun for everyone!

Adoration for animals: The use of a Chihuahua as gay bait in The Mechanic and the use of stray cats in The Rite add an element of warmth and comfort; making both movies suitable for animal lovers.

Non-existent love interests: Besides a hot sex scene with Jason Statham (probably contractually obligated), an almost Brokeback moment with Ben Foster and some dirty phone sex words from a possessed pregnant gal, there are no love interests in either movies. I therefore categorize both films as Bromances.

The Rite and The Mechanic open in theaters on Friday, January 28.