8 Things that I Learned from the ‘Adjustment Bureau’

The Adjustment Bureau is one of those “regular people in a heightened reality” movies — like Inception but not as good. The movie was not hideous (it helps that Matt Damon and Emily Blunt are the leads) nor was it terrible (except for the predictable happy ending tied in a nice bow) it was tolerable and it did keep me on the edge of my seat (mainly because I have an overactive bladder).

Damon plays David, a young, charming political figure who tends to be a tabloid target. He has a brief tryst with Elise (Blunt), an up and coming dancer. The catch is — he was never supposed to meet her. According to a group of destiny-patrolling men known as the Adjustment Bureau, their little affair compromises their existence.

The Adjustment Bureau basically keeps the world in order. They know what is supposed to happen in the world and they aim to keep order in everyone’s life.

Essentially, they are cock-blocking David.

Nonetheless, He defies these keepers of the fate and tries to get the girl, fearless of the consequences.

So what did I learn from this tale of fate and love? Well, I learned a couple of things:

1.) After all these years, it’s nice to see Roger Sterling working. Does this mean that Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Pryce is no longer in existence?

2.) Anthony Mackie is cool. Cooler than Will Smith.

3.) The best place to pick up ladies is in a men’s room during a political press conference…

4.) …and you’ll meet someone as hot as Emily Blunt.

5.) The fate patrol are like angels with expense accounts at Banana Republic and Club Monaco.

6.) As charming as he is, there’s something really awkward about watching Matt Damon in a dance club scene.

7.) A fedora is like a Harry Potter port key — just remember to turn the knob to the left!

8.) I now walk around every single day, thinking, “I wonder what the Adjustment Bureau has planned for me today?” Yes. The movie has actually brainwashed me to think that there is a real-life Adjustment Bureau controlling our lives. That means there is deep meaning behind the existence of Charlie Sheen, John Galliano and Justin Bieber.

The Adjustment Bureau opens in theaters today.