Snap Judgments: Beyonce’s New Music Video for ‘Run The World (Girls)’

Beyonce‘s video for “Run The World (Girls)” from her upcoming album 4 (in stores June 28) came out yesterday and I have some very brilliant things to say about it:

1.) It’s nice that the clydesdale horses are finding work outside of Budweiser commercials.

2.) Shoulder dancing is 10 times more effective when wearing a monkey-haired shrug. (timestamp :50)

3.) You know that dance trio at timestamp 1:04? I already learned it. I am going to perform it and post it on YouTube in attempt to boost my self-esteem, but it will just end up humiliating me.

4.) Why does this entire video seem like a photoshoot from America’s Next Top Model? At certain moments, I feel that Tyra is going to come out and do a quick lesson on “scow-eyes”: scowling with your eyes.

5.) Harem pants everywhere. Trend followers: please don’t take this as an excuse to do the same. This didn’t work four seasons ago and it still doesn’t work.

6.) Apparently, our dystopian future will have men of authority that are powerless against the dancing women who like to shop at marching band surplus stores and pump their fists in the air every now and then.

7.) Could this be the “Girl Power” anthem of 2011? If so, the Spice Girls should take advantage of this and see this as an opening for a reunion.

8.) Beyonce is impervious to blasts of water (timestamp 2:05).

9.) Much like Pyro from X-Men, Beyonce has the power to manipulate fire and make things explode (timestamp 2:27).

10.) Writhing on the ground in sand is a good workout (timestamp 3:21)

11.) If you are one of the many extras in the mob in the closing dance sequence, don’t tell anyone. No one will believe you. I’m sorry.

12.) I don’t understand this song — but I will wear a cape, a garter belt and salute every time I hear it.