Melissa Has Fighting Words with Kara on ‘Platinum Hit’

This week, our fearless/tortured songwriting souls on Platinum Hit had to wear their hearts on their sleeves by writing a love song — it’s not as excitingly embarrassing as last week’s rapping extravaganza, but it was sure worth the watch — especially with the loopy Melissa “I’m from huh-WY-E!” Rapp.

But before I get to that, I must say that the way I judge this show is whether or not a lyric sticks with me and is worthy of obnoxiously posting it on everyone’s Facebook wall: (i.e. “Paint this Club with Amazing” or “My Ridiculous” or “Walk Through Walls” or “Mrs. Make the Boys Cry”). This is also how I predict the winner. This week, Sonyae‘s love song (with the help of Scotty and Brian), “Love Me to Life” burrowed itself into my head:

It also impressed the panel of judges which included the dude in a porkpie hat from One Republic. Her team ended up at the top alongside the trifecta of hatred: NIck, Jackie, and Johnny.

But in the end, Nick’s signature whisper-rock-with-a-raspy-edge love song couldn’t stand up against Sonyae’s Alicia Keys-meets-Beyonce ballad. That said, Sonyae’s team snagged the win and she got immunity.

Meanwhile, Melissa, complete with her ukelele-hued voice and island muumuus, was partnered with sensitive indie gal, Jes and they found themselves in the bottom with this:

And when they were faced with explaining itself, Melissa lashed out — and I heard a mix of annoying baby/pigeon talk in her voice.

The main issue was whether or not Melissa contributed any lyrics to the song (she didn’t) while Jes was laying on the floor like a sick dog. Melissa kept on side-stepping the question and digging herself deeper and deeper into a hole. Then Kara chimed in about the lyrics and Melissa just went off the chain:

“It’s really easy to stand up here Kara — so please don’t have an attitude!”

Looks like Melissa can get crunk — but only when she knows she’s wrong and trying to prove she’s not wrong but only to prove that she is more wrong.

Makes sense, right?

According to her bio on the Bravo site, she graduated from Stanford with a 3.8 GPA (what? no 4.0?) and worked for Google before going on her journey to become a beautiful “Tiny Bubbles”-worthy songwriter.

Nonetheless, she is one wacky gal — and she got eliminated.

Next week: The songwriters take it to the streets with their singing! It’s like melodic prostitution.