The Golden Globe Awards: My Predicted Winners and Predicted Reactions

It’s the end of the week and as I celebrate by watching reruns of Dance Moms and watching the wonder that is Abby Lee “I need four sleep apnea machines connected to me in order to get a good night sleep” Miller, I am waiting in anticipation for Sunday’s telecast of the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards. It will be the highlight of my January.

That said, I will be live-tweeting the telecast on Sunday. I guarantee tons of fun and malarky so make sure you follow me at @DinoRay. In the meantime, check out my predictions for this year’s winners…and my predicted reactions, of course.

Best Drama
The Descendants
**PREDICTED WINNER**: The Help MY PREDICTED REACTION: The world loves Emma Stone, Viola Davia, Octavia Spencer and movies that are kind of racist.
Hugo
The Ides of March
Moneyball
War Horse

Best Comedy/Musical
50/50
The Artist
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Bridesmaids MY PREDICTED REACTION:The only way a comedy can get the Hollywood Foreign Press’s attention is if it involves Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy and explosive diarrhea.
Carnage
Midnight in Paris
My Week with Marilyn

Best Animated Film
Arthur Christmas
Cars 2
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Rango MY PREDICTED REACTION: A chameleon in a Hawaiian shirt is animated gold.
Puss in Boots
The Adventures of Tintin

Best Foreign Language Film
The Flowers of War
**PREDICTED WINNER**: In the Land of Blood and Honey MY PREDICTED REACTION: An award season wouldn’t be complete without a movie about genocide…and Angelina Jolie.
The Kid With a Bike
A Separation
The Skin I Live In

Best Actor in a Drama
**PREDICTED WINNER**: George Clooney, The Descendants MY PREDICTED REACTION: It is the year of HAWAIIAN SHIRTS! (please refer to my Rango comment)
Brad Pitt, Moneyball
Ryan Gosling, The Ides of March
Michael Fassbender, Shame
Leonardo DiCaprio, J. Edgar

Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical
**PREDICTED WINNER** Jean Dujardin, The Artist MY PREDICTED REACTION: We like it better when actors don’t talk in movies.
Brendan Gleeson, The Guard
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50
Ryan Gosling, Crazy, Stupid, Love
Owen Wilson, Midnight in Paris

Best Supporting Actor
 in a Motion Picture
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Albert Brooks, Drive
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
**PREDICTED WINNER** Christopher Plummer, Beginners MY PREDICTED REACTION: Captain Von Trapp still has it!
Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method

Best Actress in a Drama
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Viola Davis, The Help MY PREDICTED REACTION: This just reiterates what I said about The Help winning best picture.
Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin

Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy
Jodie Foster, Carnage
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Charlize Theron, Young Adult MY PREDICTED REACTION: It’s OK to go to your high school hometown and spread your toxic hatred everywhere.
Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids
Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn
Kate Winslet, Carnage

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Octavia Spencer, The Help MY PREDICTED REACTION: All little girls will have dreams of becoming a part of “the help” — not the movie — but the actual “help.”
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
Berenice Bejo, The Artist
Jessica Chastain, The Help

Best Director

Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
George Clooney, The Ides of March
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Alexander Payne, The Descendants MY PREDICTED REACTION: We’ll be wearing dowdy Hawaiian shirts and connecting with our estranged children sooner than we think.
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Screenplay for a Motion Picture
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash, Kaui Hart Hemmings, The Descendants MY PREDICTED REACTION: At least someone from Community wins something (I’m referring to Jim Rash a.k.a. Dean Pelton).
Steve Zallian, Aaron Sorkin, Stan Chervin, Michael Lewis, Moneyball
George Clooney, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon, The Ides of March

Best Original Score in a Motion Picture
Ludovic Bource, The Artist
Abel Korzeniowski, W.E.
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo MY PREDICTED REACTION: We love music that sounds like rape.
Howard Shore, Hugo
John Williams, War Horse

Best Original Song in a Motion Picture
“Hello Hello,” Gnomeo & Juliet
“The Keeper,” Machine Gun Preacher
“Lay Your Head Down,” Albert Nobbs
“The Living Proof,” The Help
**PREDICTED WINNER**: “Masterpiece,” W.E. MY PREDICTED REACTION: I really don’t care about this category much.

Best TV Drama
American Horror Story
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Boardwalk Empire MY PREDICTED REACTION: I need to actually watch all of the episodes that are collecting dust on my DVR.
Boss
Game of Thrones
Homeland

Best TV Comedy or Musical
Enlightened
Episodes
Glee
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Modern Family MY PREDICTED REACTION: Just as long as Glee doesn’t win, I’m happy.
New Girl

Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture
Cinema Verite
Downton Abbey
The Hour
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Mildred Pierce MY PREDICTED REACTION: Fucked up mother-daughter relationships make for GREAT television!
Too Big To Fail

Best Actor in a TV Drama
**PREDICTED WINNER** Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad MY PREDICTED REACTION: Bryan Cranston is still magical.
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Damian Lewis, Homeland
Jeremy Irons, The Borgias
Kelsey Grammer, Boss

Best Actor in a TV Musical or Comedy
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock MY PREDICTED REACTION: We have forgiven him for that Words with Friends incident.
David Duchovny, Californication
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Thomas Jane, Hung
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

Best Actor in a Mini-Series or Made-for-TV Movie
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey MY PREDICTED REACTION: Don’t fuck with the Earl of Grantham.
Idris Elba, Luther
William Hurt, Too Big To Fail
Bill Nighy, Page Eight
Dominic West, The Hour

Best Supporting Actor in TV Series, Mini-Series, or Made-for-TV Movie
**PREDICTED WINNER** Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones MY PREDICTED REACTION: He won the Emmy for the same role, so why wouldn’t he get this? Plus, he’s fun!
Paul Giamatti, Too Big To Fail
Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
Tim Robbins, Cinema Verite
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

Best Actress in a TV Drama
Claire Danes, Homeland
Mireille Enos, The Killing
**PREDICTED WINNER** Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife MY PREDICTED REACTION: Do I REALLY need to watch this show? Or can I just take everyone’s word about how good it is?
Madeleine Stowe, Revenge
Callie Thorne, Necessary Roughness

Best Actress in a TV Musical or Comedy
Laura Dern, Enlightened
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Laura Linney, The Big C
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation MY PREDICTED REACTION: It’s about damn time.

Best Actress in a Mini-Series or Made-for-TV Movie
Romola Garai, The Hour
Diane Lane, Cinema Verite
Elizabeth McGovern, Downton Abbey
Emily Watson, Appropriate Adult
**PREDICTED WINNER**: Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce MY PREDICTED REACTION: SHOW US YOUR MERKIN!

Best Supporting Actress in TV Series, Mini-Series, or Made-for-TV Movie

**PREDICTED WINNER**: Jessica Lange, American Horror Story MY PREDICTED REACTION: Bitchy, crazy next door neighbors always do well at the Golden Globes.
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Evan Rachel Wood, Mildred Pierce

If all my predictions are right, it will be a sign that I need to start smoking again.