The Vow opens in theaters today. It’s your age-old romantic story of guy loves girl/girl falls for guy/guy marries girl/girl loses memory after car accident/guy tries to help her get her memory back.
If you want to make a movie like this, follow these simple rules and you will succeed:
The story needs to be set in a major metropolitan area that’s not Los Angeles or New York: When a movie takes place in a city like San Francisco or, in this case, Chicago it’s still cool and gives it a certain geographic “edge”. It’s not New York or L.A. COOL, but it is still cool.
Two actors must have a “Sparks” between them: It is crucial that the two lead actors MUST have acted in a movie adapted from a Nicholas Sparks novel. In this case, it’s Channing Tatum (Dear John) and Rachel McAdams (The Notebook).
A very dramatic life-changing accident: In a movie of this nature, the accident HAS to happen right after a gag-worthy profession of love to make us FEEL their love. In The Vow, Paige and Leo are in their car at a stop sign. She unbuckles her seatbelt to give Leo a little somethin’ somethin’. A big dump truck rear ends them. She gets thrown through the windshield. Thus begins the story of amnesiac love.
Cool jobs that afford them a life of leisure in the big city: Leo owns a recording studio and Paige is a sculptor. They live in an awesomely spacious loft in downtown Chicago. This would never happen, but it must happen in this reality in order for love to prevail.
A solid group of hipster friends: Paige and Leo have a group of friends who fulfill all the requirements of a downtown hipster. They give hollow advice and are very disposable, but it’s just good to have them around to add to the “coolness” factor of Leo and Paige.
A cafe with a witty name that plays with the concept of memory: Cafe Mnemonic is the location of Paige and Leo’s first date. Needless to say, it is very meaningful to them. It not only serves as an extension of their love, but the use of the word “mnemonic” plays with the movie’s plot point of memory. This is a way for us to see how clever and smart the writers are!
Shawl neck collars sweaters: The man of the relationship MUST have an infinite supply of shawl collar sweaters and cardigans. This makes the man warm, sensitive and approachable.
Play with hideous hairstyles and hair colors: The heroine in amnesiac despair must don ugly hair colors and hairstyles — even before she loses her memory. This is a rule because it shows that the character is hopeless and has no sense of style.
Stand in the rain: All movie romances MUST have a scene where someone stands in the rain for one reason or another. This happens when an ill Paige is at work at a cafe (before she loses her memory) and finds a gift from Leo. She opens it to find a “get well” kit. All the while, Leo is standing in the rain outside of the window watching her open it. He could have watched her open the gift inside but if he didn’t stand outside in the rain, the movie would have been a complete failure.
Show a hot guy’s ass: This is needed because it propels the storyline forward. Plus, if you tell people you’ll see a hot guy’s ass (in this case, Channing Tatum) in the movie, it works as a good marketing tool.
A WASP-y family with ice-cold, emotionally unavailable parents: Paige’s estranged family includes a gaggle of twin-set wearing, blue-blood high society bitches — and her mom (Jessica Lange) and dad (Sam Neill) are the ultimate assholes as they try to pry a forgetful Paige from the hands of Leo. We are supposed to hate them…and we need someone to hate in a movie like this.
An actor from a popular ’90s WB show: This is a given. It’s just so darn fun and nostalgic to have someone like Scott Speedman (Felicity) enter the picture He gives a little pizzazz to the story as the douchey ex-boyfriend who’s trying to cock block Leo from bringing Paige’s memory back. Someone like James Van Der Beek would have worked too.
The Vow opens in theaters today.
- Excited
- Fascinated
- Amused
- Bored
- Sad
- Angry
