Kenley, the retro Dita-Von-Teese-in-training, on Project Runway was cute and lovable at first, but now – the bitch just needs to shut the hell up and learn to take criticism.

For real, why does she think she’s all high and mighty? First she tries to “set Heidi straight” and then she questions Tim’s style suggestions. Listening to her talk is like trying to get help from an employee at an overpriced, pretentious vintage store.

She definitely has a chip on her shoulder. She needs to break out and stop using that uber-red lipstick. She’s lookin’ like a vampire prostitute.

Ugh. She just needs to calm the hell down. Then again, she’s probably the most interesting thing to bitch about on this season thus far.

And is it me, or is this season of Project Runway turning out to be mind-numbingly boring? I’ve tried to like it and get really involved, but I’m just not feeling it. So many of the designers are turning out to be annoying – and not in a good way.

But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop watching. I mean, I might as well finish what I started – even if it is like waiting for a box of hair to talk.

Okay, okay – Brooke Shields’ style expands above and beyond the SATC step-sister. You can never forget her “Nothing comes between me and my Calvins” (thanks for reenacting that for us Suede). More than that, who can forget her Pocahontas beach diva role in The Blue Lagoon?

But I digress…

The challenge was to design an outfit for Shields’ boho-chic character on Lipstick Jungle, Wendy Healy. The twist in this episode? The designers were working in pairs! Bravo Photo: Barbara Nitke

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This week, the designers were introduced to speed skating Olympiad turned “Dancing with the Stars” hunk, Apolo Anton Ohno and to their most interesting challenge this season: design an outfit for the opening ceremonies of the Olympics.

It seems fitting considering the Olympics start this week. PR stunt or coincidence? You be the judge.

So let’s get some stuff out of the way before I get into my take on the actual challenge. Here are some really important highlights from last night’s show…

Photo courtesy of Barbara Nitke/Bravo TV
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Last night our designers went out into the urban jungle of Manhattan and snapped shots of the city at night. From the pictures they took, they were to create a garment suitable for a night on the town.

This challenge seems very familiar to me. Maybe it’s because they did something like it in season two – except they didn’t have to make a garment for a specific time of day. They just had to make a garment inspired by digicam snap shots of the city. (Photo by: Barbara Nitke/Bravo TV)

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Sounds a little boring huh? Well…that’s what I thought too, until there was a little twist: the models had to pick the fabrics! What a way to fuck with the designers, huh?

When the models came back from Mood with their treasures, most of the designers were less than excited – especially those who got that shiny doo-doo fabric.

Since it’s only the second show, there’s not that much work room drama. I think the most exciting thing about this episode was Blayne poking fun at Stella’s leather fetish. And P.S. I am already tired of that term “tanorexic” to describe Blayne. Just call him a scrawny crack-ish Ken doll and call it a day.

…and am I the only one that gets Leanne and Jennifer confused?

So as the designers try to make their garments, Korto second guesses her design, Jerrell makes fun of team doo-doo fabric, Keith wonders what the hell he’s going to do with peacock feathers, Wesley calls the fabrics he got “disgusting” and Suede goes for an ambitious design that looks exciting!

Fast forward to the runway and the designers find out who their guest judge is – let’s take a look at this special video footage:

I like how they gave Natalie a grand entrance. That’s going to happen when I become a guest judge on the show. Miss Portman is so enchanting – and did Tim Gunn just say “holla atcha boy” in that little video package?

So as the garments come down the runway, I am really diggin’ Keith’s flirty design:

I’m worried about Wesley’s. It just looks so messy and it doesn’t look like him. It looks like something a bad sewer would do. Someone like me…

Kenley’s is just fabulous! I am so feelin’ this high-collared/streamlined goodie…

Leanne’s piece looks like fabric gone schizophrenic on a dress form…

But in the end, Suede’s tulle ballerina, uber-strappy glam rock creation won over the judges and a spot on the cyber-racks of Bluefly.com…

And in the end, Wesley was auf’d…

I was kind of surprised. This meek gentleman seemed like he had a boatload of talent that would take him far in the game. Plus, he worked at Marc by Marc Jacobs! I guess that don’t mean jack when you fumble on the runway. I also really liked the way he dressed…

Right of the bat, this group of designers, like Tim Gunn said, is the most diverse group of people they have ever had.

Jennifer: The awkward one.
Stella: The edgy rock and roll female.
Kelli: The quirky rock and roll female.
Jerry: The “I’m here to work and not make friends” guy.
Blayne: The borderline delusional visionary.
Keith: The macho fashion man
Joe: The average Joe designer – pun intended.
Wesley: The wunderkind who worked for a big-time label (Marc Jacobs)
Kenley: The retro gal.
Korto: The fancy mother Earth type from the South (originally from Liberia).
Terri: A soul child who may be underestimated.
Daniel: The season’s token talented “Daniel.”
Suede: The guy with a name that has something to do with fashion.
Emily: The girl who isn’t shown much in the first episode.
Leanne:The “silent assassin” who has the potential to go crazy.
Jerrell: The guy who can possibly be the “love to hate” villain of the season.

Pictured: (top l-r) Jerell, Leanne, Wesley, Joe, Korto, Kenley, Daniel, Emily (bottom l-r) Blayne, Jennifer, Kelli, Jerry, Terri, Suede, Keith, Stella — Bravo Photo: Barbara Nitke

That’s a lot of designer.

Nonetheless, their challenge this week was…INNOVATION! Yes, that’s right. Austin Scarlett helps usher in the fifth season with the same exact challenge he won in the very first season. They have to shop at a grocery store and make a an outfit.

Pictured: (l-r) Austin Scarlett, Tim Gunn — Bravo Photo: Barbara Nitke

I really liked this challenge in the very first season. But did it live up to my expectations?

Kind of. I’m kind of non-enthusiastic at the fact that they started this season with a rehashed challenge, but I went with it.

When they came back to the workroom, Tim was unimpressed with the fact that almost everyone chose to work with tablecloths. It’s a cop out.

Anyways, the workroom footage isn’t that exciting. The one thing that gets my attention (unfortunately) is the fact that Blayne keeps on saying “Girlicious.” Ugh. He’s trying to give himself a catchphrase. No matter how many times he says that shit, it ain’t gonna happen. It’s lame. Just stop.

Nothing is really catching my eye in the workroom except for Daniel’s plastic cup dress.

So it’s runway time! It’s so refreshing to be back here it’s like going back to school and seeing all the popular people who don’t hang out with you because you’re not cool enough.

The garments make their way down the runway and I am watching with a bit of interest. I like Wesley’s garment in that he made this cool thing out of flyswatters. I also like Korto’s use of produce on what would otherwise be a Mrs. Roper kaftan.

Other than that, here are some of the really busted looking ones:

Blayne’s garment is just hideous. It looks like she’s wearing a designer maxi-pad outside of a really ugly dress.

Jerry, Jerry, Jerry….ugh. This looks like a murderous butcher in a B-movie. It looks like an extra in that one part of “E.T.” when he is in that plastic bubble. She looks like she’s about to handle some radioactive waste. What the hell is this?

And the top two were…

Daniel’s sculptured plastic cup dress is innovative and funky! I’m diggin’ it! It’s one of the most creative and thoughtful.

With Kelli’s dumpster-chic look, she went all out with coffee filters, Pollock-like paint on vacuum bags and even push pins! Even though I am not really feeling the bodice, everything else makes up for it…and that’s why she WON!!!

But who got the dreaded first show “auf wiedersehen”?

It was Jerry….

Yup – his slasher-movie-meets-Gallagher-meets-hellacious wonder got him auf’d.

I wasn’t THAT surprised.

Bravo Photo: Virginia Sherwood

It looks like a handy wipe gone wrong.

– said by Michael Kors in regards to Jerry’s outfit.