I say this because as soon as I saw the opening scene and heard that catchy music box theme, I was a bit confused. I totally forgot what happened in The Order of the Phoenix. Luckily, I caught on – but it took me a while. And luckily the plot doesn’t require you to know rocket science.

But I do strongly suggest you review the past Potter films. It’ll probably work in your favor. And it’s always fun to see Daniel Radcliffe pre-Equus

In any matter, the film, directed by David Yates (who also did Phoenix), has Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) joining Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) on the continuing quest to find a way to destroy Voldemort (gasp! I spoke his name) – but first, they must bring Horace Slughorn (Jim Broadbent) back to Hogwart’s to teach. Apparently, he has some vital information that could possibly destroy Voldemort (gasp! I spoke it again).

In any matter, it’s Harry’s 6th year at Hogwart’s and things aren’t as happy-go-lucky as they used to be. It’s darker and somber – almost emo. Security is tight and they ain’t havin’ as much fun as they used to. Harry also suspects that Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton) is turning to the dark side Darth Vader style.

It may seem a little bit darker up in the big H, but there is plenty of hormonal angst all over the place. Harry (who apparently is this big mack daddy now) starts to have feelings for Ginny Weasley (Bonnie Wright – she is treated to more screen time in this one); her brother and Harry’s BFF, Ron (Rupert Grint), hooks up with the clingy and psycho-romantic Lavender Brown (Jessie Cave) and Hermione (Emma Watson – who is looking sweet and gamine these days) looks at him with restrained jealousy while the pompous, Abercrombie & Fitch-y Cormac McLaggen (Freddie Stroma) does his best peacock dance to win her over.

Think of it as a romantic teen comedy with magic wands and English accents. And what is with that name Lavender Brown? That is a straight-up stripper name.

Ron+Hermione+Harry = BF4E!

Throughout all that mess, Harry finds a book in his potions class once owned by the Half-Blood Prince (hence the movie title). The book contains altered recipes for potions and spells that cause him to be a star student and, become a little bit obsessive. On top of that, he’s dealing with his feelings for Ginny, hunting down Voldemort and trying to bust Draco. No wonder why he’s so angsty.

The movie was unexpected and very subdued. It’s like it wanted to explode with extravagant wizardry, but it had to hold itself back – which makes me think we are in for some hardcore wizardry throwdowns in the next installments. But there is one scene where Dumbledore wards off tons of busted-looking waify creatures (I think they were runway models) with a firestorm. It was hot. Literally.

This is the first time I have watched a Potter film and realized that all of these characters are grown up. They actually have a conscious realization of their feelings – which explains the huge spotlight on the “he likes her who likes him” mess.

It’s nice that we have been with them from the very beginning. They have grown up right before our very eyes. But within all those years, why haven’t they changed their wardrobe? Do they all have an endless expense account at H&M? It’s a teenybopper array of hoodies, T shirts and jeans. I think it might be time for an upgrade.

As for the bad guys – now those are some people who know how to dress. Draco has this sort of Alexander McQueen washed-out look with his pale skin, platinum hair and the dapper slim black-on-black suit. Professor Snape (played by the always brilliant Alan Rickman) hasn’t changed since the first film, but his severely-cut/flowy Matrix-like banded collar suit is priest-chic. Then there’s Bellatrix Lestrange (Helena Bonham Carter), who is doing her hottest impression of Stevie Nicks-gone-meth addict.

But I digress.

Nothing in this movie was groundbreaking. Nothing impressed me. Nothing had me screaming “Expecto Patronum!” as I walked out of the theater. I didn’t even want to play a round of Quidditch after. And all that isn’t necessarily bad. We already been through all that. Now, the focus is more story less flash – which seems to be the evolution of the Potter films. The story intrigued me enough. Sure, there was a little bit more room for satisfaction, but I wasn’t complaining.

Ultimately, this was just a set-up (on the borderline of long-winded) for the final two-part hurrah of The Deathly Hallows. Hopefully, this set-up will be worth it.

Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen) gives Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf) a fatherly lecture in a cemetery – because that’s the perfect place for a fatherly lecture

From the moment I saw a caveman on the screen in the opening scene of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I knew I was in for a bittersweet treat. Yes, you heard that right: caveman. No I am not getting this confused with the lukewarm comedy film Year One (very disappointing by the way), I am talking about our favorite robots in disguise. Autobots. Decepticons. Shia. Megan. The whole shebang – and a shebang it was…sort of.

The second chapter of this robotic saga brings us up to speed with Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf) and his hot, to-good-for-him, girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox). He’s going to Princeton, she’s working at a bike shop that requires her to wear Daisy Duke shorts and lip smacking make up. He finds a piece of the Allspark cube from the first movie hidden away in his battle wounded hoodie. He picks it up and that’s when all hell breaks loose.

The little fragment sparks (no pun intended) Sam’s inner Raymond Babbitt/John Nash and he starts seeing these characters and becomes an idiot savant in his Astronomy class. Turns out that the fragment of the Allspark implanted clues in his head to where the Decepticons can find a big ol’ machine that can blow up the sun. In turn, Megatron (voiced by Hugo Weaving) returns from the dead to get some revenge and another ancient badass robot named the Fallen (voiced by Tony Todd) is there with him.

Let me back up for a second.

So it turns out the whole Transformers phenomenon goes way back into time before Megan Fox was getting compared to Angelina Jolie and when men wore loincloths (which would explain the aforementioned cavemen). The Fallen was a part of that crew and he got exiled for wanting to blow up suns and making the whole universe a land suitable for Emo and Scene kids.

Yes, the plot is pretty much your basic “take over the world” storyline with transforming cars. All in all, it’s a muddled storyline eclipsed by really cool and complicated CGI that is too much for the eyes to take in.

Nonetheless, once they figure out Sam has the key to the sun obliterator. The Decepticons go after him with a vengeance, which makes the Autobots spring into action.

Luckily, the Autobots (Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Ratchet and some new annoying twin bots named Mudflap and Skids) have created this budding ro-bromance with a new top secret sector called NEST which includes Josh Duhamel’s character and his band of merry men (Tyrese is included in that mix – and by the way, when is he gonna come out with a new album?).

After all of this is set up, we all get to have an eyegasm of intertwined robots and – all together now – Megan Fox sans Ugg boots and sweats.

One of many scenes in which LaBeouf and Fox run.

Ultimately, the formula went like this: Explosion. Robot. Fight. Transform. Actors run. Repeat that for 144 minutes and you got yourself a sequel with Michael Bay’s name written all over it.

I had a multitude of Transformers when I was a young lad. When I played with them in my suburban home in San Antonio, TX, my fight scenes were more elaborate and exciting – maybe it’s because I often did cross toy product wars with G.I. Joe and sometimes my sister’s Barbie dolls, but that’s neither here or there.

At one point I stopped caring about whether or not Sam was going to get a magical Matrix to (possible spoiler alert) to save a Transformer’s life whose name rhymes with Schmoptimus Crime. Even when the super-Decepticon Devastator showed up on the screen I wasn’t that excited. I had this particular Transformer toy when I was a child. It was basically six construction vehicles (appropriately called Constructicons) that formed together and made a gigantic robot (much like Voltron). It was fluorescent green and purple and it was SO cool. The movie version of the Devastator was like a hybrid of a robotic dog and a vacuum cleaner. Very disappointing.

Bumblebee (voiced by Mark Ryan) kicks some Decepticon boo-tay

This ride of seizure-inducing transforming fight scenes and gratuitous explosions was quite exhausting. And how necessary was it to bring in Isabel Lucas as a evil temptress that weighs as much as a bucket of air? If it was an attempt to produce another hottie, they failed miserably. Fox has the monopoly on that.

Thank God John Turturro (he’s back as the irritating Agent Simmons) and newbie Ramon Rodriguez (who plays Sam’s roommate Leo) were there to provide comic relief amongst the gag-worthy “Who’s going to say ‘I love you first’?” battle between LeBouf’s and Fox’s characters. Honorable mention goes to Julie White and Kevin Dunn as Sam’s kooky parents.

Without a doubt I am a fan of LaBeouf and I admire the signature Spielberg boy-and-alien friendship with the endearing yellow Camaro Bumblebee, but even LeBeouf’s “He’s the next Tom Hanks” charm didn’t give me the summer blockbuster joyride I had with the first one.

Jason Segel (left) and Paul Rudd have a bromance of the ages in “I Love You, Man.” Photo credit: Comingsoon.net

Webinar. Vaycay. Momversation. These are all slang terms that should be eliminated from the English language (click here for more terms). Bromance, along with the phrase, “bromantic comedy” was about to be added to my own personal list until I saw the bro-found film of brotherhood, I Love You, Man.

In the movie, we are introduced to Peter Klaven (Paul Rudd), a real estate guy in Los Angeles who just got engaged to his girlfriend, Zooey (Rashida Jones). Upon said engagement, Peter comes to a realization that he has surrounded himself with gal pals. This and his love for The Devil Wears Prada hasn’t exactly drawn many guy friends into his orbit besides a couple of Frat boy-like acquaintances who might as well be strangers and his gay brother, Robbie (Andy Samberg) – who happens to be more of a dude than Peter. Click here to read the rest of the review

Yes, that is quite braggy of me, but it is one of the perks of being “press.” If you are rolling your eyes – just think of it this way: perks don’t pay the bills. They just pay the creative soul of inspiration.

Was that quote lame enough for you?

Anyways, I just got back from a screening of Valkyrie – the Tom Cruise eye patch World War II movie. And yesterday I sat through three hours of Brad Pitt aging backwards in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Did I mention it was three hours? But I didn’t mind that.

Well here’s one I actually paid for: Doubt – the one about cranky nuns with Meryl Streep leading the herd of black bonnet-type habits. And honestly, I fell asleep in the movie. Not because it was boring, but because I was tired. The movie was intense, but I’d rather see it on stage with this same exact cast – and that shouting match between Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman made me kind of aroused – not in the nasty way. I wanted to get into a screaming match with someone. Mainly that old biddy sitting in front of me who yelled at me for kicking the seat – which I didn’t do. What a bitch. And P.S. – Viola Davis definitely deserves that Golden Globe nom – and she better get an Oscar nod too.

I also paid to see Slumdog Millionaire – excellent film. And the Bollywood routine at the end made me jump for joy.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw the one film I have been waiting for since the beginning of time. Okay, not really – but I have been waiting for it since I saw the trailer: Revolutionary Road (the one where Kate and Leo play husband and wife and have an undying hatred for each other and themselves – more so Kate than Leo). I finished the book a day before I watched the film and got to interview Michael Shannon on Tuesday (a star in the film – he was also in that movie, Bug). Man – this book alone will make you want to slit your wrists and scare you from ever wanting to “settle down.” That said, it’s definitely a movie you should go see when it comes out!

I skipped out on a screening of The Spirit this morning because I didn’t wake up early enough. And I so missed out on a screening of Seven Pounds because it overlapped with the screening of Brad’s movie.

Oh yeah, at the end of November, I also saw The Wrestler. Let me just say this, they don’t call it Mickey Rourke’s comeback movie for nothing.

Here is a run down of other films I saw within the past couple of months and my very basic review of “Wait for the DVD,” “Go see it” or “Don’t waste your time.”

Cadillac Records: Wait for the DVD

The Day the Earth Stood Still: Don’t waste your time

Australia: Wait for the DVD

Twilight: Go see it (this is partly because of my obsession)

Quantum of Solace: Go see it

Milk: Go see it (twice if you really like it the first time)

Rachel Getting Married: Go see it

Wow. I never realized how much time I spend sitting on my ass for movies. I love it.

I think I have all the Oscar buzz movies down. Oh wait – I still need to see The Reader and Frost/Nixon.

I guess I know what I am doing this weekend!!!

I’ve been watching…

Hamlet 2: Eh. It was kinda funny. But most of the funny is towards the end of the movie – and Elisabeth Shue is in it!

Vicky Cristina Barcelona: Not as high strung as many other Woody Allen movies, but it had his signature all over it – except that it was set in Spain, not New York. And Penelope Cruz wasn’t that annoying – but the plump-lipped Scarlett Johansson was. But that doesn’t mean I hated it. It was a nice dollop of Spain in my paella pan.

Burn After Reading: Some critics have been giving it lukewarm reviews, but I enjoyed it. Who knew Brad Pitt could be so funny? Who knew that a murder involving a hatchet could be so funny? The best part of the movie? We avoid Pitt-Clooney overload because they hardly share screen time. It’s the perfect chaser to No Country For Old Men.

I’ve been reading…

How To Lose Friends and Alienate People: Perfect book for me. I related to the dude in the book, except that I’m not big of prick as he is. Plus, I’m not British nor do I work for Vanity Fair. The upcoming movie looks like it’s going to pale in comparison. Read the book. Thank me later.

Wicked: I’ve read the first 20 pages and I’m still not into it. I’ll give it 20 more pages.

I’ve been eating…

Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos: Go get out and get them. Now. Finish the whole bag and thank me later.

I’ve been writing…

Besides pitch letters, cover letters and SF Examiner posts, nothing. Sad, huh?

The Film Club By David Gilmour: See what happens when a father lets his son drop out of high school on the condition that he watches three movies a week (of the dad’s choosing)! I’m almost done with this book – it’s okay. There are parts when the Gilmour is talking so matter-of-factly. The coming-of-age story of his son is inconsistently keeping me interested. If anything, I am learning a lot about film…and I mean A LOT!

I recently watched…

I saw a pre-screening on Monday and I am not supposed to post any type of review of the movie at the request of the people who invited me to the screening. As an industry professional, I will adhere to that request – but I will say that this movie was the first time I actually genuinely missed the acting skills and screen presence of Heath Ledger. I will also say that there was a really lame Harry Potter teaser trailer and a TOTALLY RAD Watchmen trailer beforehand! Ugh. Did I just say “TOTALLY RAD?”

Before anything else, I will just say that as soon as I stepped out of the theater, I rushed to the Virgin Megastore and bought the soundtrack of this ’90s hip-hop soundtrack. It has Notorious B.I.G., Tribe Called Quest, Raekwon, KRS-One, Wu-tang Clan – it has to be the DOPEST soundtrack this summer! Yes, I said DOPE. As for the movie – I enjoyed thoroughly. It has Josh Peck as a pot dealer in NYC trying to “find himself” and along the way he creates some unlikely relationships. He’s very – shall we say – “urban.” Yes, he is a white boy acting black, but he delivers it in a way that is not annoying. It’s so natural. It’s the first time I’ve seen something like this where I didn’t think the actor wasn’t trying too hard. He had this puppy dog on pot charm that translated so well. And I just adored Olivia Thirlby in “Juno” and I adore her even more after this – she’s got spunk and sass. And how can you not like a movie where Ben Kingsley, as Peck’s psychiatrist and BFF, is taking a hit from a bong. Brilliant.

I aw a screening of this last night and the one thing that stood out to me in this movie besides the glittery happy-go-lucky ABBA songs was Amanda Seyfried. She stole it for me. She gets my stamp of approval. As for the actual movie, it wasn’t the best movie-musical I have seen as of late – but it was a bowlful of fun. At the beginning, Meryl Streep was overenthusiastic, her performance was almost self-indulgent, like she was performing for herself and no one else. But then when things started to get a bit rocky for her character, I started to pay more attention. I think I like Streep when she isn’t so bubbly and sweet, but when she is faced with turmoil and conflict. And for some reason, my brow became quizzical every time Pierce Bronsan had to sing a song. It was like watching a priest krump. Ultimately, you cannot NOT like this movie because of the ABBA music – but “Muriel’s Wedding” is still my favorite ABBA-based movie.

What have I been writing…

Besides some pieces for 944, cover letters and a bunch of emails, I haven’t done anything literary – and I should be. I’ll keep you posted.

Very delightful and fun…and dare I say, it was “cute?”

Ummm…better than the first attempt – I agree with Entertainment Weekly when they said that the new Hulk is too veiny. And, of course, I enjoyed Edward Norton as the new Hulk – I enjoy him in any movie (BITE THE CURB!). But…I hate to say this, but I am not feelin’ Liv Tyler in this. Believe me, I tried to enjoy her -really hard. I loved her in “Empire Records” and in “Lord of the Rings,” but in this (and “The Strangers”)…not so much.

It’s a good thing that I adored this cast, otherwise it would’ve been a lame movie.

C’mon now M. Night – you can do better than this. It wasn’t TERRIBLE – because there were moments when I did freak out. But it wasn’t his best. Nonetheless, the whole “green” appeal to this movie was smart on his part.

Okay – this was one of those, “we are all connected in some fucked up way” movies. It’s been done before, but it was decent. Again, it was one of those movies where the great cast made me like it.

I recently read…

It’s funny, I bought this book like five years ago and never read it. I found it buried in a pile of books when I went back to Texas a couple of weeks ago – it’s a fuckin’ good book. The movie is good too, but David Benioff is an exceptional writer – he is now going on my “Heroes” list.

Before you even think of talking back to your parents or treating them like shit…read this book. But it goes beyond that – it’s just so brilliantly brutal. I devoured this book in about four days. David Sheff’s struggle with his son’s addiction gave me insight of what a parent goes through with something as small as going to a sleepover at a friend’s house. Sure, I may not have been an “addict,” but I have had my share of less-than-desirable situations. I put my parents through hell…but this book gave me just a taste of what they went through when I was making choices I shouldn’t have. Sheff is also on my heroes list of writers…his son’s book, “Tweak” is next on my list.

See – I’m smart. I read. I just don’t write about fluffly fashion!

I am writing (or currently writing)…

My teleplay for that contest…FINGERS CROSSED!

Everything on my work blog (including a recent interview with David Beckham) and some short articles on the Bay Area Style page…

All of this reading and storytelling have had me brainstorming some ideas for a novel…

Wow. I just realized I have had a thing for Davids lately: Benioff, Sheff, Beckham…who’s next? David Archuleta?

I haven’t been to the movies in a while, so I decided to take a gander at Kimberly Peirce’s latest opus, Stop-Loss, her follow up to the masterpiece that is Boys Don’t Cry.

For those of you who don’t know the story (I don’t know why you wouldn’t), let me lay it out for you: Brandon (Ryan Phillippe) returns home from Iraq and gets “stop-lossed.” According to Wikipedia it is defined as…

In the United States military, is the involuntary extension of a service member’s enlistment contract in order to retain them beyond the normal end term of service (ETS) or the ceasing of a permanent change of station (PCS) move for a member still in military service. Federal courts have consistently found that military service members contractually agree that their term of service may be involuntarily extended.

He refuses to go back and goes AWOL with his buddy, Steve’s (Channing Tatum) gal, Michelle (Abbie Cornish) – don’t worry, it’s strictly platonic – while Steve and their other buddy Tommy(Joseph Gordon-Levitt) stay at home and cope with the post traumatic stress of war.

What I liked: I loved Peirce’s exploration of the screwy concept of stop-loss, which many people, including myself did not know about. All of the pretty boys wore emotion very well, but it’s Cornish who stole the show for me. I actually remember seeing her in a little indie flick called Somersault at the South by Southwest Film Festival in Austin a couple years back (read my poorly written review here). I wrote something like, “Although it had many great elements and pensive afterthoughts, I thought it would’ve been better as a short.” I had no idea what the fuck I was talking about. Cornish was a phenomenal addition to the hunky pretty boy fest.

What I didn’t like: Cornish stood out to me the most – and that was the problem. Although it is endearing to see attractive men get flooded with emotion, they didn’t quite reach that level that Cornish was at. And what was the deal with all the cowboy hats? The movie illustrated Texas as a 24/7 hoedown with target practice breaks at the ranch. I lived in Texas for years and I never saw anything like that. I must’ve been living in the wrong part of the state.

Bottom line: The movie of patriotic morality hit the mark just enough for me to enjoy it. I give it a B- for educational value, masculine emotion and Abbie Cornish.

Alice and Paul opted for some cocktails. Apparently, they are just as fun as they look.

There was a special on appetizers: $5 with a purchase of an entree. We took full advantage of this deal, each of us getting an appetizer to share. Paul got the deep-fried green beans, which is totally healthy because it is green beans. The dipping sauce was quite delectable – it was some sort of wasabi concoction.

For more deep-fried fun, I indulged in the deep-fried mac n’ cheese. This shit was fucking good. It is like a heart attack on a plate.

Alice got some sort of encrusted chicken quesadilla with chocolate sauce drizzle. Okay, I don’t know what that is on top.

As a vegetarian, Paul gave this interesting Caprese Lasagna Salad two thumbs up. This is as avant garde as it gets with the TGIFrriday’s menu.

Alice’s Peruvian Herb Roasted Chicken was the restaurant’s attempt to be exotic – and Alice liked it. And you can never go wrong with sweet potato fries. Those were fucking good.

I have made it a rule of thumb never to get salmon from a commercial restaurant. My honey pecan salmon was “eh.” Good thing I kept eating Alice’s sweet potato fries.

You can never go wrong with apple pie, caramel sauce and ice cream – but I think it was unnecessary to serve it on a hot iron skillet for dramatic effect. I did lick that bowl of caramel sauce clean. It was very attractive.

I had really bad gas after eating here.

So far, we have come to a consensus in ranking the restaurants of our chain restaurant tour:

1. Olive Garden
2. TGIFriday’s
3. Red Lobster
4. Chili’s

Our next stop: Claim Jumper!

Glory Boy Days is a representation of twentysomethings of the 21st century. Directed by Paul Encinas, the movie follows a clan of troublemaking Gen Y’ers (or are they Z’ers? or maybe they are considered the blogging generation…whatever) over the course of 24 hours as they party, complain, makeout, drink, do drugs, bicker and all those other youthful antics.

Focusing most of its energy on Lando (Jared Mendiola), an aspiring filmmaker who goes from party to party while his parents give him shit about his direction in life. I think a lot of people can relate to that.

What I liked: The gritty, raw reality-show esque style captures the attitude of the film very well. The subject matter is definitely alive and well in today’s youth. For the most part, it translates well. Oh yeah, there’s one b-boy scene that amps things up.

What I didn’t like: Most of my attention was on Lando’s story, but it also follows two other characters who’s personalities weren’t strong enough for me to remember. At times, the story got muddled and left me bored and cinematically flaccid. Bottom line: it’s a movie about the semi-wreckless behavior of out-of-college and out-of-work young suburbanites, but it didn’t captivate me enough to actually care about the characters.

My rating: There was an imbalance between execution of content and the visual appeal and because of that I give it a “C+”.