Lucky for me, I found a pair of April 77 waxed cotton pants on sale at the Barneys CO-OP while on a a visit to Houston’s monstrous Galleria mall. I thought I was victorious — until yesterday.

Whilst doing laundry and rearranging my closet, I discovered that my pair of April 77s has a hole in the inner thigh area of the pants. This is the result of one of the following:

1.) I wear them way too damn much.
2.) April 77′s fabric quality isn’t up to par.
3.) My thighs excessively rub together while walking.
4.) I have fat, ham hock-worthy thighs.
5.) I’ve been dropping it like it’s hot way too much.
6.) All of the above.

Whatever the answer, I am on the hunt for new treated denim and/or pants and I am open for suggestions. At the same time, I loathe shopping for pants because my dwarfy self needs to get them hemmed all the time.

To begin my quest, I shall go to Barneys in San Francisco to hunt for the perfect pair of waxy denim.

I don’t know what the appeal is about treated fabric. More than that, I don’t know why in the hell I want to wear wax on my legs. I guess I want to make the illusion that my legs are candlesticks — kind of like Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast.

I must confess that while wearing the waxed April 77s, there was a faint scent of burnt rubber while I walked. I guess my thighs were excessively rubbing together.

Yes ladies, now you can forget those lame Massengil products that regular people use and give your woo-hoo the rockstar treatment it deserves (after a good vajazzlement of course).

[Source: Style Section L.A.]

Jon Hamm and his beard (left) and Jennifer Westfeldt arrive at the 16th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards on Saturday, Jan. 23, 2010, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles)

Did all the men of Hollywood caucus and decide that they were all going to grow beards for awards season? It’s almost like the Lifetime’s The Pregnancy Pact but with beards (Damn! I forgot to DVR that maternal made-for-TV masterpiece!).

I took the liberty to make a slideshow of some of the wonderful beards we saw tonight at SAG.

Before we know it, there will be a beard pandemic.

Enjoy.

P.S. Doesn’t Brad (as in Pitt) have one too? He wasn’t at the SAG Awards so I couldn’t fold him into the group. Maybe he couldn’t go because he shaved his off.

Appropriately called Chictopia 10, the summit “will bring online tastemakers, fashion and retail executives, brands and media together in one place to discuss the phenom that is social media and the influence it has had in all of these industries. Bloggers and brands have the opportunity to learn how to use social media for their business and to network with each other in the hopes creating lasting partnerships, friendships and business deals.”

The folks at Chictopia are is presenting a Designer Showcase with “10 of the brightest rising stars in fashion and design” – some of which have been featured on Refinery29 and NOLCHA.

They are also reaching out to their Chictopian community by picking 10 members from the site to join them in New York. If you think you are chic enough, enter the contest by visiting their site. The event is also open to other members. You can also register here for that. But you better hop on this deal quick because the contest ends Feb. 1 and registration ends Feb. 5.

And just in case you’re wondering – yes, I will be there.

No, Second Skin isn’t some sort of sci-fi uniform nor is it a latex bodysuit that you find at a “specialty store.” It is the “Ultimate Undershirt” – and I could vouch for that.

“They are not Spanx for men!” laughs founder Tom Patterson. I met with him for coffee last month when he introduced his Second Skin Collection to San Francisco via Neiman Marcus in Union Square.

Patterson says he thinks an undershirt makes all the difference and based on talks he had with his buddies, finding a nice-fitting undershirt that wasn’t boxy nor too tight was difficult. That said, he said he “became a designer by accident.”

It makes sense. Men wear undershirts everyday, but undershirts are an afterthought. Guys tend to buy the six-to-a-pack tees and after a month of wear and tear, they are, in a word, disposable.

Even so, white V-neck tees are one of the most versatile pieces a man could have in his wardrobe. You can dress it up, down, sideways and if you have some great “hevage” it can show that off too.

Packaged in a Tiffany-esque and chocolate colored box, Tommy John (named after the founder from South Dakota, of course) the collection of underwear and shirts have Tailored Stretch Technology created from a blend of Micro Modal and Lycra. It contours to your body rather than clinging to it. Patterson insists that when wearing his product people will ask to pet you all day long. Depending on the person doing petting, I wouldn’t mind.

Here’s the scientific breakdown:

After chatting with Patterson about his product, I was only partially sold. Even though I do feel the bunching up of my undershirts more often than not, I didn’t want to stray away from the familiar. I tend to be a stubborn guy when it comes to my failsafe wardrobe pieces.

Being an open-minded guy, I gave a Tommy John shirt a test drive. As soon as I put it on, the shirt conformed to my body. To be honest, when I took the shirt out of the box, I thought I would look like a “Single Ladies” background dancer. Even though I do know the dance from Beyonce’s video, I cannot rock that look and this shirt was nothing like that. It was as if it knew my body and clung to all the right parts – and even though Patterson insists they are not man Spanx, I think it actually made me look more fit and buff – like the dude on the box. Then again, that might’ve been all in my head.

As for the bunching of the shirt – there was none. In fact, as soon as I put it on, it felt like it evaporated. The hem of the shirt hugs below your waist and doesn’t move. It was magical.

The material was soft. Very soft. Very, very soft. It was like the sartorial equivalent to caramel except it wasn’t sticky. If I could eat the fabric; I would because it is that delicious. And yes, the whole day I was wearing my Second Skin, I felt like taking off my overshirt and letting people feel the silky smoothness of my undershirt – but I didn’t because that is just creepy.

Nonetheless, it looks like I found my new brand of undershirt that requires no disposal.

To purchase some of this magical underwear visit www.tommyjohnwear.com.

On a recent shopping excursion to American Apparel, I was surprised to see that they had a decent variety of them. I don’t usually purchase button-up shirts from American Apparel. In fact, I don’t usually shop at American Apparel at all. If I do, I get plain T-shirts and maybe something else that is something that I don’t really need (who the hell needs a Crayola box variety of sweatbands? ).

However, I was drawn to the button-up shirts. I don’t know if it was the soft-core porn ads that are staring at you all over their store or if it was an act of consumer desperation, but I needed a white button-up.

No – that’s not me in the picture

The price point was fairly decent and the quality seemed acceptable. I was also surprised to see that an extra small fit me near perfect. So I bought one…along with a cardigan and a lightweight scarf (which is essentially a strip of fabric).

Side note: the scarves were behind the cash register. Asking for one was like asking for a pack of cigarettes or condoms at a gas station.

I wore the aforementioned button-up a couple days later along with the cardigan and a tie. I felt good. It fit well and it was serving its purpose. It wasn’t until I went to wash it that things started to go downhill.

When I was about to put it in the washer, I noticed that my deodorant had left stains in the arm pit area of said button-up. I use one of those “shirt-friendly-goes-on-clear” brands of deodorants and wear an undershirt – so it goes without saying that I must’ve sweat a lot the day I wore it. Yes, this is an overshare, but I believe it is relevant to the conversation.

I thought, “I’ll just do a nice plunge-and-scrub pre-wash and it will be good as new!”

Wrong.

I went through the process and when I took it out of the wash, the stain was still there. I don’t know if the shirt’s material was reacting strangely to the deodorant or if I actually secreted blue sweat. Or perhaps I needed to find a new brand of deodorant. In any matter, I decided to do a little bit more plunging and scrubbing (that’s a reference to Far and Away in case you didn’t get it the first time around). So I did.

After using some elbow grease, the stain had, for the most part, faded away. I thought, “I’ll put it in the dryer for a brief minute so that it could get a little dry before I put it on my nifty drying rack.”

That was a mistake.

While it was in the dryer, I lost track of time while getting enthralled with Beyonce’s Crystal Geyser ads. When I realized it was still baking in the dryer, I rushed over in a frenzy to rescue it – but alas, it was too late. It had shrunk. It had shrunk a lot.

I put it on in hopes that my eyes were deceiving me, but they weren’t. It fit like a baby tee. I looked like one of those guys at a club. You know – the ones that wear really tight button-up with the top 4 buttons undone (untucked) with boot-cut jeans, severely square toed shoes and a Dep-gelled faux hawk.

I had to lay it to rest – or give it to a girl who will look better in it than me.

Although I only wore that shirt one time, I really miss it. We had some good times together.

DNA (a.k.a. designers+artists) will be poppin’ up in San Francisco with their pop-up shop on Friday, November 6 – and it’s gonna be poppin’.

The event started in New York and the concept is “to curate a multipurpose exhibition of emerging, avant-garde and contemporary fashion/accessories designers and artists.” Think more along the lines of a “urban bazaar” rather than an arts fair.

Here are the deets:

Not having seen the live-streaming show due millions upon millions of people logging on to SHOWstudio.com to watch, I felt defeated. It was like I was Carrie and someone dumped a bucket of pig’s blood on me.

Okay. It wasn’t that serious. But trying to log on to that site to watch the show was a pain.

When I finally saw the reposted video, I was transported to his show affectionately called, “Plato’s Atlantis.” Stingray silhouettes dominated the runway while short skirts stamped with trademark McQueen tailoring were drenched in outsized aquatic Rorschach reptilian blots.

Washed out with alien-like makeup, the models donned menacing fins for hair. All the while, they hobbled gracefully like extra terrestrial sea nymphs in shoes that were a steroid-infused mash-up of ballerina pointe shoes and crab claws – something a hot stripper in Atlantis would wear.

Although part of me was hoping that one of them would take a glorious fall to quench my thirst for low brow entertainment, my mind was racing at what was being poured out on that runway. It was as if the land and merpeople of The Little Mermaid were invaded by glamazon, Predator-like sea creatures and forced to drop E and have a week-long rave (not of the LovEvolution variety).

I’ll spare you the “brilliant” and “cutting edge” praises that this collection deserves. The world knows that McQueen is talented. You mention the name and all the “passion for fashion” types will admire his work. He can design, cut, elevate taste levels and give an electric shock of inspiration. When people go outside of the box, McQueen finds an area within that outside that hasn’t been touched and stakes his claim with quiet and clever certainty.

The reason why people got all a twitter (and yes, many people were tweeting about this) with this collection of sartorial sea life is because it was a enriching eyegasm. Yes, McQueen can design, but with a Hans Christian Andersen-like sensibility, he has the ability to captivate you into his world of provoking fantasy. Whether it is a sumptuous, eye-popping scaly rainbow fish dress or smooth-as-sharkskin trousers, he makes you see what he sees and finds a way to do it without being literal, self-indulgent or crazy with avant garde malarky.

The collection was serene, dangerous, balanced and had this edge that quietly gave other designers the middle finger. It was also a challenge to the world of fast fashion retailers that said, “Go ahead – just try and make a derivative of this.” Seeing an H&M knock-off of his shoe that looked like a fossilized prehistoric fish would definitely be a hoot.

See the entire collection at Style.com

It seems that the peeps at the Sundance Channel are lovin’ these fashion documentaries. First, they found success with the Marc Jacobs & Louis Vuitton doc and now they have created a whole series called Man Shops Globe, which follows Keith Johnson, the buyer-at-large for Anthropologie while he shops around the world trying to find some of that boho stuff we always see in the store of folklore funk.

Intriguing, no?

The show premieres on Oct. 7 and it’s kind of like No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain – except there’s no food…and none of Bordain’s enjoyably snide attitude…and probably no eating of a seal’s heart. Okay, maybe it’s not like that show, but there’s a similarity in there somewhere.

A Single Man, Tom Ford’s directorial debut, he obviously compacts the entire movie into a two-minute trailer that looks like cutting room floor footage of a Gucci ad. There is no need to see the movie because it was told with such clarity with this trailer. Let me break it down for you.

1.) There’s a gun.

2.) Colin Firth wears glasses.

3.) Julianne Moore laughs.

4.) Matthew Goode makes out with Mr. Firth.

5.) The girl from the original The Bad Seed makes a cameo.

6.) Ginnifer Goodwin looks pretty.

7.) Legs flail underwater.

8.) The dude from Pushing Daisies stands near a fence.

9.) The dude from About a Boy and Skins does something.

10.) People smoke cigarettes.

All the while, each and every one of them wears Tom Ford’s latest fragrance.

See? It makes perfect sense.