Unless you are blind, just got your eyes dilated, suffering from a brain-bleeding overdose/hangover, a very important person (emphasis on VERY) or even if they’re prescription (that is a gray area) there is no need to wear sunglasses indoors.

I especially see this in my quarterly visits to clubs. I see it a lot on men more than women, but that doesn’t matter – the point is, and I repeat: there is no need for indoor sunglasses. It makes you look like a big ol’ douche – a BOD if you will.

That said, there are various levels of douche-osity when it comes to indoor sunglasses. It’s all based on the amount of time that you do wear them upon entering the building. Here’s a little scale to determine an acceptable amount of time to wear those sunnies indoors:

0 to 2 minutes: Very little to no potential for douche-ness. You either forgot that they were still on or you are in a structure that is an area that has quick in-and-out access. (i.e. a parking garage, a subway station et al).

3 to 5 minutes: This is where douche-osity is in its infancy. You may be picking up your dry cleaning, buying a pack of cigarettes or getting something quick to eat from a convenient store. Although you are indoors for a pinch of time, your indoor sunglasses haven’t reached their full douche potential – but it’s getting there.

6 minutes: You are inches away from crossing the Massengill Meridian.

7 to 8 minutes: You are now filling out your paperwork for citizenship to Doucheopolis.

9 to 10 minutes: You have officially reached douchebag status. Your indoor sunglasses have overstayed their welcome. You think you’re cool, but you might as well be a disposable bottle of water and antiseptic vinegar with a flexi-tip for comfort.

>11 minutes: Congratulations. You have become the Senator of Summer’s Eve. If you are wearing them in a dark nightclub or a movie theater (yes, I’ve seen it), you are a deity of all that is douche.