I have now found what I shall be reading for the rest of the day. (I’m kind of a slow reader, so this will be very time consuming).

[Source: Vulture and Downton Abbeyonce, naturally]

It’s that time of the week again — it’s time to check out news that I have skillfully plucked from my Facebook and Twitter feed. Enjoy.

Now that everyone has pulled out their wedgie over Beyonce’s “Countdown” choreography inspired by/rip-off of Anne Teresa De Keersmaeker, we can now enjoy her latest video treat for “Love on Top”, another ’90s pop R&B-infused romp featuring B’s signature diva growl, a bedazzled Colonel’s hat, an array of glitzy costume changes, and a New Edition-esque lineup of background dancers step ball kicking their way into our hearts:

She’s definitely squeezing out as many videos as she can before she squeezes out music’s next Messiah.

P.S. How many sexual innuendos can you come up with for “Love on Top”? ….and GO!

It looks like Beyonce retains her crown for queen of the music video with her latest masterpiece for “Countdown” a video that has been making people gush and gush until they cannot gush no more.

The song gets my “THAT’S MY JAM” approval, but the video, with its mod Funny Face appeal, is just pleasant and will have millions of style bloggers and fashion editors an opportunity to provide us with derivations of her style (the video is kind of a derivative too — but that’s another story). My misanthropic ways tells me that I should find a way to hate this video. The only thing I can snark on is the fact that she multiplies like a Gremlin to water in this video — but that’s just more B to love.She has the female equivalence of swag. She is indeed a female version of a hustler. A diva.

The one thing that we can probably lay off of is giving oversaturated praise for Beyonce’s baby bump. Yes, she’s showing it off. Yes, her and HOVA created the closest thing that the world can refer to as the Messiah. No, we don’t need to be reminded of it every minute…and I am SURE that Beyonce knows she’s pregnant.

Let’s sit back and enjoy this Technicolor-hued Benny Hill-meets-Soul Train shimmy and a shake of a music video:

One of my friends insists that Beyonce is a drag queen. I am not going to agree…then again, I am not going to disagree. Either way, she is my homegirl and she takes up about 64.7 percent real estate on my iPod shuffle for my workouts.

Lately, the “We Built This City” ’80s orchestra strikes of B’s “Schoolin’ Life” (apparently only available on Target’s Deluxe Edition of 4) has been on repeat. I don’t really pay attention to the lyrics, so I don’t know what the song is all about. What I do know is that I have the urge to do a bouncy kick-step/shimmy-and-a-shake combo every time I hear B’s diva growl set to synthesized dramatics.

I do have to give credit to So You Think You Can Dance for introducing me to this song. Even though Sasha and Ricky’s Waacking routine to the song was in fact waack, “Schoolin’ Life” is one hot workout jam.

Looking back at my blogging history, I have now come to accept that I have an obsession with Destiny’s Child and Beyonce that can be compared to that of a sassy 8th grade black girl.

Nonetheless, this week’s workout song, “Soldier” is appropriate for two reasons 1.) I am running my 3rd half-marathon on Sunday and what better way to get pumped than to incessantly listen to a song with such a self-empowering title and 2.) This song has so much swag sauce that it’s drippin’ swagu.

It’s time for simians to shine.

The other day I saw what I thought was a Margiela monkey fur coat at Barneys — but it was goat fur. Nonetheless, it looked like monkey fur. Shaggy monkey fur outerwear has been present nearly everywhere and if you look at Beyonce‘s new album cover and her “Run this World” video then you will see her wearing furry things (PETA is definitely not happy with that). Whether or not it is monkey fur is left up to argument, but I would like to think it is so it can fulfill the third point in my zeitgeist study.

Then there’s Project Nim which opens in select San Francisco Bay Area theaters on July 15. Directed by James Marsh and the Oscar-winning peeps that brought us Man on a Wire is an insightful documentary about the journey of Nim a lovable chimpanzee — but this isn’t necessarily a Curious George type of story. In the ’70s Nim was raised and nurtured as a human child. He taught how to communicate via sign language with his “family” and then moved to a more “scientific” environment and then to an even MORE scientific environment. The documentary is an unsettling, insightful, and sentimental look at a chimpanzee’s life. It’s definitely a documentary to make you feel like you are watching something of substance…and to make you feel cultured and smart.

On the flipside of that is Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Any movie that has a title that uses the same preposition twice and stars James Franco, Freida Pinto, and Tom Felton is probably worth your time. I mean, who doesn’t like disgruntled simians on a rampage?

- A digitally aged Princess Diana makes a Photoshopped appearance next to Kate Middleton on the cover of Newsweek. Some people find it’s disrespectful. Others tacky. I just think it’s creepy. [Go Fug Yourself]

- Transformers: Dark of the Moon took movie theaters by storm on Wednesday — sans Megan Fox. This poses the question: What are some other disposable female leads in blockbuster franchises? [Time]

- YAY! Diablo Cody is comin’ back to the big screen! This time, she’s going to be making her directorial debut with Lamb of God, a story about a woman who loses faith in Christianity after a plane crash and moves to Vegas to become a stripper but ends up at square one, rediscovering Jesus. [Paste]

- The Voice finds it winner. Even though I wish Stevie Nicks would’ve taken the top prize, I am satisfied with Javier.

- Spielberg’s never-ending fascination of creature and young boy friendship shines through with the new trailer for War Horse. Unfortunately, it does not involve a naked Daniel Radcliffe. [The Daily Beast]

- I found my summer jam and it involves Beyonce, Andre 3000, Kanye West, throwback late ’80s/early ’90s Jade-like, mid-tempo R&B appeal and a “Party.” [Hard Candy Music]

- Could Myspace rise from the ashes of the Internet ghetto? Justin Timberlake seems to think so. [Hollywood.com]

- Thor 2 finds a 2013 release date. As for a replacement director for Kenneth Branagh, that’s another story. [HitFix]

- Francis Ford Coppola plans to make his second appearance at Comic-Con with his new horror project Twixt — which could possibly be about murderous candy bars. [Deadline]

- A teaser trailer for Disney’s Brave hits the Internet. It’s the first Pixar movie with a female-led narrative. Other than that, the trailer is just a big tease (hence TEASER trailer). [Comingsoon.net]

- We haven’t gotten rid of Stephenie Meyer. The Twilight franchise may be taking it’s final bow soon, but her sci-fi book The Host is getting the silver screen treatment with Saoirse Ronan in the lead. [EW.com]

- Larry Crowne stars Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts. It opens in theaters today. They are doing their press rounds. Tom Hanks went on Conan. This is what Conan said about him. [@ConanOBrien]

As my celebration of the pop/R&B/rap renaissance of the late ’90s/early ’00s continues (remember last week’s WSOTW?), I keep on discovering treasures such as “Jumpin’ Jumpin” by Destiny’s Child.

Yes, this Top 40 masterpiece was a club thumpin’ wonder back in the day when Destiny’s Child was going through some “staff changes” (who was that other girl?) and it further cleared the path for Beyonce to become the R&B Diva Goddess that is worshipped by millions today. It also made the other two pursue their own uber-successful solo careers — or something close to it. (I still haven’t forgiven Kelly for doing “The Fashion Show”).

Nonetheless, this tune has been popping up on my iPod more often than not and it puts a spring in my sprint and adds some hot to my drop.

Last week, I made my snap judgements about this song, now B and the regurgitated Major Lazer beat is on repeat on my iPod when I run in the morning.

I am so not tired of this song yet. Give me a couple of days.

It’s the perfect Memorial Day song, right?