Get ready for a really humiliating — and a tad bit racist — moment on television.

Recently, on Andy Cohen‘s Bravo show, “Watch What Happens”, Community‘s Yvette Nicole Brown and The View‘s Sherri Shepherd were taking phone calls from viewers…and then this happened:

Ashley from Milwaukee must have felt really MODED with a capital M from that snafu. But props to Y.N.B. for handling the situation with such poise and levity. We all adore her work on Community and I just LOVE Sherri Shepherd’s work as the lead in all those Madea movies!

[Source: Warming Glow, BuzzFeed]

This isn’t so much a “workout” song…it’s more of a “work-it-out girl!” song. My homegirl Sonyae won Platinum Hit on Friday night with her mason jar of soulful jam titled “My Religion”. Ever since I heard it, I CANNOT get it out of my head. Sonyae certainly knows how to inject her “conceptual masterpieces” into your ear and make it stay in there ALL. THE. LIVE. LONG. DAY. (remember all the awkward dancing during the episode that featured her song, “Exit”?)

Anyways, I am more than happy with Sonyae’s win. I would so be her friend on Facebook.

I would also like to add that on other girls, the outfits she wears would be appropriate for the skanktastic club battlegrounds, but on her, those skintight dresses with heels make her embody the soul of a sassy pop diva.

I do agree with Kara’s critique about her taking it a “Jazmine Sullivan/Mary J. Blige” place where she kicks it up a notch during the chorus and emphasize the third “my religion” as such:

My religion…my religion…MY re-LI-GION…my religion

I hope that Platinum Hit comes back for a second season so that it fulfills the needs for me and the other two dozen people that are diehard fans of the show. I also hope that Sonyae’s song is in your head ALL DAY.

You’re welcome.

This week, our fearless/tortured songwriting souls on Platinum Hit had to wear their hearts on their sleeves by writing a love song — it’s not as excitingly embarrassing as last week’s rapping extravaganza, but it was sure worth the watch — especially with the loopy Melissa “I’m from huh-WY-E!” Rapp.

But before I get to that, I must say that the way I judge this show is whether or not a lyric sticks with me and is worthy of obnoxiously posting it on everyone’s Facebook wall: (i.e. “Paint this Club with Amazing” or “My Ridiculous” or “Walk Through Walls” or “Mrs. Make the Boys Cry”). This is also how I predict the winner. This week, Sonyae‘s love song (with the help of Scotty and Brian), “Love Me to Life” burrowed itself into my head:

It also impressed the panel of judges which included the dude in a porkpie hat from One Republic. Her team ended up at the top alongside the trifecta of hatred: NIck, Jackie, and Johnny.

But in the end, Nick’s signature whisper-rock-with-a-raspy-edge love song couldn’t stand up against Sonyae’s Alicia Keys-meets-Beyonce ballad. That said, Sonyae’s team snagged the win and she got immunity.

Meanwhile, Melissa, complete with her ukelele-hued voice and island muumuus, was partnered with sensitive indie gal, Jes and they found themselves in the bottom with this:

And when they were faced with explaining itself, Melissa lashed out — and I heard a mix of annoying baby/pigeon talk in her voice.

The main issue was whether or not Melissa contributed any lyrics to the song (she didn’t) while Jes was laying on the floor like a sick dog. Melissa kept on side-stepping the question and digging herself deeper and deeper into a hole. Then Kara chimed in about the lyrics and Melissa just went off the chain:

“It’s really easy to stand up here Kara — so please don’t have an attitude!”

Looks like Melissa can get crunk — but only when she knows she’s wrong and trying to prove she’s not wrong but only to prove that she is more wrong.

Makes sense, right?

According to her bio on the Bravo site, she graduated from Stanford with a 3.8 GPA (what? no 4.0?) and worked for Google before going on her journey to become a beautiful “Tiny Bubbles”-worthy songwriter.

Nonetheless, she is one wacky gal — and she got eliminated.

Next week: The songwriters take it to the streets with their singing! It’s like melodic prostitution.

Bravo TV’s Platinum Hit may seem like a show that is dangling at the bottom of the singing reality show food chain.

Or is it?

The show fulfills nearly every single reality show archetype: the resident self-centered, I’m-not-here-to-make-friends douche bag contestant (Nick Nittoli); the southern country girl with big dreams (Karen Waldrup; the gay one (Scotty Granger — then again, it is Bravo); the outsized diva (Sonyae Elise); the man with a tough exterior but a soft personality (Brian Judah) — and then there are the other contestants who serve as reality show filler that will either fall through the cracks or actually win and never be heard from again. Then there is the reputable judge: award-winning songwriter and American Idol expat Kara DioGuardi. And finally there is Jewel, the host who was once a relevant/homeless musical artist from the late ’90s

As much as I take solace in making fun of these people, everyone on this show has a very distinct talent that isn’t exactly common: they can write songs — and that ain’t exactly the easiest things to do.

Normally, I would call this a guilty pleasure — but this is not something as lowbrow as The Celebrity Apprentice or as skanky as The Bachelor/ette.This show is the Top Chef/Project Runway of singer/songwriters. They are actually creating something out of thin air and showing a creative process. It’s kind of interesting…and entertaining…and melodramatic…and annoying. But most of all it, it brings us new “instant” dance tunes with lyrics like “paint this town with amazing” that will irritate our eardrums all the live long day.

It’s actually a pretty brilliant concept for a show. Too bad reality shows like these are more concentrated on creating “reality stars” than actually producing respectable talent.

It reminds me of that dance show competition on Bravo: Step it Up and Dance. It was a failed attempt to compete with So You Think You Can Dance. Instead, we relished in the return of Jessie Spano (a.k.a. Elizabeth Berkley) as the host. This seems like the same exact formula that Platinum Hit is following. It may be setting itself up for failure — but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

In the meantime, I am gonna enjoy this new 21st century derivative of American Idol (the second being The Voice). One of the main things that makes this better than those two shows is the bitchy sessions of shit-talking (and lusty hook-ups) between the contestants that eclipses the actual purpose of the show — now that is what really makes good television!

The delightful little PR devils of “Kell on Earth” (from left): Emily Bungert, Andrew Mukamal, Kelly Cutrone, Robyn Berkley, Stefanie Skinner

I finally caught a rerun of Kell On Earth and I came to the conclusion that Bravo has finally thrown something against the wall that sticks.

This still does not make up for The Fashion Show or Launch My Line.

However, this show about Kelly Cutrone (head of the big-time PR agency, People’s Revolution) is enthralling, entertaining and is the total antithesis of the aforementioned second-rate fashion designer reality TV duds. It shows the grittiness of the industry. It shows how fashion is NOT as glamorous as people think it is. It shows that people actually do work very, very hard to get things done in a world where people THINK they can cut it – and Kelly illustrates that without any discretion.

The best part of the show is that Kelly looks like a normal human being. She is not glammed up and botoxed out like some sort of supermodel or magazine editrix. In fact, she kind of looks like Darlene Conner from Roseanne – but that’s besides the point. The point is that Cutrone is running a business and she knows how to do it – and she does it well. Very well. It’s a well oiled machine (despite the Chado Ralph Rucci RSVP snafu in the series premiere) and she will scare all those “passion for fashion” types into taking a second guess about making fashion their career. To top that off, she’s a working single mother – the show definitely broadens its demographic with that nuance.

Who would’ve thought that a hard-working, tough-as-nails, F-bomb dropping PR mogul could fill that Project Runway void Bravo was desperately trying to fill?

…or am I just jumping the gun? Thoughts?

Yawn.

Project Runway made me realize that you can sleep with your eyes open and this most recent season of ABDC was uninspiring and gimmicky (can we say “Vogue Evolution”?)

Over all, it’s Bravo TV that wins the prize for the most unentertaining television of the year (with the exception of Top Chef and maybe Real Housewives of Atlanta – I love me some Nene). The main source of their curdled spoilage of reality TV was their overly-desperate attempt to replace Project Runway. Fashion Show was a colossal failure; and just when you thought they couldn’t get any worse, they made the ultimate slap in the face to real designers called Launch My Line.

Vomit.

At one time, Bravo was my touchstone for good and fresh TV. Now it is turning into trashy drivel. They really need to regroup and think of a tasteful lineup of shows that gives them some cred.

What else made 2009 A Finer Year? Click here to find out!