Eye contact with strangers is awkward. For the most part, I think it’s because, at times, I am socially retarded. It can also mean a person is noticing that I have a piece of food stuck in my teeth – or even a booger. Eye contact makes me feel colossally self-conscious. It’s like a person is putting me under their own personal discerning microscope to pick apart every single thing that is wrong with me: a zit, chapped lips, the fact that I am having a bad T-zone day or my hair has been growing in the form of a manchichi.

Nonetheless, when this guy in question was staring at my shoes, I thought, “Oh no. Did I step in dog shit?” Then, the gentleman in question took his headphones out and raised his sunglasses. He smiled and said, “Where’d you get those boots?”

I looked down and proudly hollered, “YSL!”

The initials that erupted out of my mouth echoed through the Financial District. Cable cars stopped. Muni buses stopped. People halted in their tracks. Pigeons fluttered into the air as if they were in a John Woo movie. The echo spread throughout the city. Time stood still.

Okay. Not really. But I did say it quite loud.

The gentleman gave me a puzzled nod and he was on his merry way.

I, on the other hand, have been dealing with this problem for a long time: fashion tourettes.

There is only one symptom to fashion tourettes: you constantly label drop. It doesn’t matter if it’s high-end, low-end or back-end. At a moment’s notice, whether solicited or not, you will holler a designer name without thinking. You are unaware that by label dropping, you are the king (or queen) of all that is shameless, snobby and utterly pathetic. It’s almost as bad as Americans who spell words with British aesthetics (i.e. honour, flavour, saviour).

This is totally me.

I can trace this back to my childhood; kindergarten to be exact. I was sporting a Lacoste shirt and the first thing I did on the first day of school was go up to my teacher and say, “LOOK! I HAVE A CROCODILE ON MY SHIRT!” The teacher smiled and said, “Oooooh!” but what she was really thinking was, “This kid is gonna grow up to be a materialistic douche.”

As said, I even do it with more commercial brands. Once I was interviewing Nick Verreos from Project Runway season 2 and he complimented my tie. I immediately said, “IT’S FROM TARGET!”

Nick Verreos, Me and my TARGET tie

Case #2: When interviewing Andre Benjamin for his Benjamin Bixby line at Bloomingdale’s he said, “That’s a fly tie.” I blurted out, “IT’S VINTAGE!”

It’s happened numerous times after – even with Sarah Jessica Parker. She said she liked my suit (I think she was just being nice) and I belched, “IT’S FROM H&M!” While she was in shock to hear that such a nice suit was from H&M, I added to the madness and said, “BUT I’M WEARING SHOES FROM BARNEYS!” That was quite an episode for my fashion tourettes. I was a big ol’ tool.

It feels so good to get that out in the open. And if Nick, Andre and Sarah are out there reading this (because I know they read my blog everyday), I sincerely apologize for my behavior.

I do realize I have a problem with gratuitous label dropping and my friends and family have been very supportive. Instead of calling it “fashion tourettes” they sugarcoat it and just call me an “elitist label whore” – and I am TOTALLY fine with that. I have come to terms with it and I don’t see it as a problem. It’s more of a way to feel better about myself via superficial brand names. It’s shallowness at its best.

Next problem to tackle: “celebrity tourettes” – a disease where I constantly talk about celebs I have interacted with over the past couple of years.

Julia Stiles has never made me laugh in any of her movies. Well, there was her role in the Bourne series, but I don’t think that was supposed to make me laugh. Then there is that one scene in 10 Things I Hate About You where she recites that poem. Again, I don’t think that’s supposed to be funny. But I, along with my friend friend, Judith, stayed up until the wee hours of the morning trying to get perfect Stiles’s recital of the magical poem which won Heath Ledger’s (rest in peace) heart. Judi and I more than perfected her monologue. We embodied her role. We had every gesture, beat and throaty cry down to a tee.

But like I was saying, Miss Stiles has never made me LOL all over place – until this video. And I will tell you why:

1.) She is basically taking a stab at all those “celebrity” designers out there. You know, the ones that think they are a designer, but don’t even know how to thread a needle. The perfect example is Sheree from Real Housewives of Atlanta. She’s not a “celebrity” per se, but in her diluted, manish mind – she thinks she is a designer.

2.) She takes a stab at this whole eco-fashion trend.

3.) Two words: SWIFFER. TIE.

4.) Three more words: KLEENEX. BOX. SHOES.

4.) Shants. Nuff said.

5.) Even though she did make me laugh, I think the comedic film group The Vacationeers (Todd Berger, Kevin Brennan, Jeff Grace, and Blaise Miller) deserve props. They actually made her funny – especially with that broke-ass modeling.

6.) The awkward silence and camera staring at the end. I adore awkward silences. They are magical moments when everyone is all squirmy and conversationally impotent.

7.) I have to say it again: Shants.

I decided to go to the wood-grained retail outlet on Saturday, envisioning some sort of Margiela product waiting for me on the gorgeously disheveled racks. Going into that store is like sartorial spelunking. You have to dig and dig and dig through a bunch of crap before you find something worth examining, let alone buying.

I was greeted by one of the workers. She asked that I check my bag at the front in fear that I might steal something. It’s understandable. It’s protocol – but she was obviously one of those girls who works in retail. Dressed in a summery dress and topped off with what looked like a Bump It, she seemed like a bossy girl on staff that everyone else made fun of and loathed because she would eagerly suck up to the customers like a horny gnat and then swing on the nuts of the boss like a trapeze artist. If I worked there and saw that I was scheduled to work with her, I’d scoff and then probably vomit. She immediately gave off a condescending essence of shallow ambition and a “holier-than-thou-because-I-work-in-high-end-retail” vibe – but I didn’t let that bother me. I was on a mission.

I did a preliminary scan of the racks and then started to get down to business. I saw many labels that tickled my fancy: Marc Jacobs, Y-3, Band of Outsiders, Prada, Phillip Lim – I even saw a jacket by Viktor & Rolf. There were some Opening Ceremony shoes that haunted me and was even tempted by a Ralph Lauren topcoat. Then I saw the label I was looking for: Maison Martin Margiela. Characterized by those tags with four stitches, I felt like my mission was accomplished – but then I saw what the racks were serving up: trousers that looked like marching band pants. This made me realize that there is a reason why some of this stuff was discounted. They were not pieces of clothing that would warrant a realistic and functional wardrobe.

The Band of Outsiders blazer I saw was velvet and when I tried it on, I looked like a tailored pimp/lounge act. The Opening Ceremony shoes were obviously samples worn by models considering all the scuff marks – and I wasn’t about put my feet into shoes that were inhabited by another person’s foot. The Viktor & Rolf jacket, although beautiful in construction, looked like something Beethoven would wear to a rave and the Phillip Lim garments on hand were clearly things that didn’t sell at the Barneys Warehouse Sale.

I’m not ragging on Jeremys. It is a great store – but you have to be very cognizant with what you decide to purchase. You can’t impulse buy here – because you will regret it later. Sure, the prices are tempting and the labels are appealing, but that’s it. The luxury labels will seduce you like a stripper looking to bring you to the champagne room. Don’t get blinded by the brand name – be cautious or else you’ll end up with a pair of Margiela marching band pants and stinky and scuffed Opening Ceremony shoes.

I don’t know if I should laugh or be utterly ashamed.

Jenna Ushkowitz: The stuttering singer from Glee who has an affinity for a Hot Topic-like clothing.

Iqbal Theba: The blunt and funny principal in Glee

Harry Shum Jr.: Based on his resume on IMDB, I think he’s a dancer. I haven’t really necessarily seen him in Glee, but we’ll count him any way.

And of course, there’s a herd of Asians representing at Fashion Week presenting their Spring 2010 collections. I may have overlooked some but here’s a nice bushel of them:

Phillip Lim
Doo Ri Chung
Anna Sui
Peter Som
Vera Wang
Alexander Wang
Derek Lam
Bibhu Mohapatra
Elie Tahari
Jason Wu
Jen Kao
Koi Suwannagate
Nary Manivong
Rachel Roy
Richard Chai
Thakoon Panichgul
Vivienne Tam
Yigal Azrouel
Yohji Yamamoto (Y-3)

That brings the total to 48 since my last post.

Keep track of my Asian pop culture tally by clicking here (don’t forget to send those tips my way!)

This guy can be easily forgiven. Even though the embellishments on his jeans are highly unnecessary, I just think he needs guidance.

This girl on the other hand….

This is just wrong. Especially since this picture was taken on Saturday when San Francisco was unbelievably warm. She was also walking about as if she were hot shit. I am sorry madam, furry boots and a summer skirt does not a stylish person make.

According to NBC New York’s blog, The Thread, this is how it’s gonna go down:

Here’s how the competition, called “9 Countries, 9 Men, 1 Winner,” will work: One man will be chosen to be the epitome of Calvin Klein billboard manhood from each of the participating countries, England, France, Germany, Greece, Italy, Netherlands, Russia, Spain and Sweden. Then a panel of judges — among them current billboard model Jamie Dornan and Calvin Klein execs — will pick the ultimate winner.

Yup, this is a “pan European” contest. Therefore excluding the fine chiseled oily variety bohunks of America.

I ain’t hating. I am just reportin’. Okay, maybe there’s a little hatin’ here – but how can I not? CK is an American-based label…are they tryin’ to say something about American guys? I mean, I think I can rock that Steel underwear like no other.

Okay, not really.

Yes. We get it. Your mom has a clothing company. You can stop all of this nepotism-esque promoting now. And Mrs. Knowles – this sort of thing borderlines on child abuse/creepy pageant mom.

I posted this on my Facebook page a while back and I just needed to post it again. I saw this homegirl on 25th and Mission and I have no idea what is going on here. It’s like a gladiator sandal and a combat boot decided to have a bastard child. And don’t even get me started on those things she’s wearing on her legs.