Do I really need to be reminded that I don’t have the washboard abs of an oily variety werewolf bohunk?

Forget the lovelorn werewolf-vampire-human love triangle – this movie is all about seeing who cannot wear a shirt for the longest period of time.

Guys who have bodies like this are not human at all. You have to be a werewolf in order to have a body like this.

It has a very valid point about journalism and, more than that, it makes me reevaluate my intrigue with celebrities and stardom.

…but I still want to be famous.

Just as I was about to write this review of Where the Wild Things Are, my sister texted me and asked if she should take her two-year-old son to see the movie. I said, “I don’t know – he won’t comprehend the moral.” Then I thought, “Wait a second – I didn’t even comprehend the moral when this book was read to me as a child. I only had a wide-eyed curiosity for the pictures.”

In fact, the majority of the people I have talked to can’t even remember the moral or the story for that matter. They remember Max’s wolfie pajamas, his triumphant crown and his joyous adventures with Wild Things. Spike Jonze’s adaptation of Maurice Sendak’s beloved children’s book honors that with a fantastical serenity that is balanced with maturity and child-like wonder.

With 10 sentences and 338 words, it isn’t surprising why people don’t remember this story about a delinquent boy that escapes to a wonderland of make-believe cuddly, mutated creatures after being sent to his room. Jonze, along with novelist, Dave Eggers created a script that stretches that text (with some alterations) into a full-out moral narrative filled with dirt fights, humorous monster dialogue, friendship and dismemberment. Yes, I said it: dis-mem-ber-ment.

From the very beginning of the film, we are waiting to see these wild things – because that’s the sumptuous spectacle of the film. There’s an even-handed pace that Jonze uses that eases them in rather than shoves them in your face. When Max (Max Records) bellows the words, “Feed me woman!” to his mother (Catherine Keener) and then bites her – we know he is about to enter an alternate (and a tad bit grim) desert/forest universe as he runs out of the house in a huff.

When he gets there, he meets Carol (James Gandolfini) and his entire crew of fun-loving, albeit funky-looking Wild Things: the overly sensitive and needy goat Alexander (Paul Dano); the aggressive Judith (Catherine O’Hara); her partner, Ira (Forest Whitaker); the bird with a voice of reason Douglas (Chris Cooper); the emo Bull (Michael Berry Jr.); and the kind rebel KW (Lauren Ambrose). Although they are huge on a scale of Muppet Monster proportions (and they try to eat Max in the beginning), their voices are gentle and they talk as if they are on a playground during recess.

The scant amount of text was a good and bad thing. Good because it gave them an opportunity to build it into a story that could make it robust and enriching. Bad because – well – it was a short story. They took the limited amount of text and dipped it in water and it grew like a sponge.

Visually stimulating and carrying the tone of a librarian at story time, Jonze and Eggers did quite a number with the iconic children’s book. Their loyalty to the book was apparent in each playful and dramatic scene. We see Max’s loneliness from the very beginning and the poignant connection with his mother makes us appreciate Keener’s ability to make the most of her limited screen time. When he frolics with the Wild Things, there’s a hesitant and confused feeling of emancipation, but there’s also a solace that he shares with the audience. Even though those juvenile fun times can dig out the childhood nostalgia in your soul, you’ll be ready to bury it when they start acting like whiny babies.

The “take care of those who take care of you” moral may be a good one, but it’s the “Wild Rumpus” that will give you a bunch of warm fuzzies.

Overall critique: This is a perfect example of why books with lots of pictures isn’t necessarily a bad thing. B

I have been putting this movie at the bottom of my list since it came out. It’s not that I don’t like horror movies, it’s just that I don’t like horror movies that use home video cameras. It makes them seem real. Too real.

I was one of those tools that fell for the supposed reality of The Blair Witch Project, so when I heard about this movie I said, “I ain’t even gonna try to go see that.”

Weeks passed and the pop culture matrix was all over this movie about Katie (Katie Featherston) and Micah (Micah Sloat – they actually used their real first names, which makes it even realer and, in turn, more pee-in-your-pants frightening), a couple who witnesses paranormal activity in their house. I, being the self-proclaimed pop culture pundit that I am, thought that is was my job to see this movie. So on Saturday, I grew a pair and moseyed on over to the Metreon to view this film.

As I sat in the theater waiting, I thought to myself, “Okay, this can’t be that bad. I mean, I already know it’s not real – and it won’t be anything like that Blair Witch malarkey.”

The film started and I thought, “Hey, this isn’t that bad.” Besides the nauseous home video cinematography, I wasn’t too scared – until they started those overnight surveillance videos of the couple sleeping. All my comforting words melted away – and so did the manhood I attempted to grow.

At one point, the woman in the movie gets up in the middle of the night and just stares at her boyfriend while he is sleeping. Not in a “I love you so much” romantic way, but in a “I am possessed by a demon and I am going to eat your pancreas” sort of way. It was unsettling.

The movie wasn’t scary because of what was happening on screen (well, a lot of it was), but it was more of what could happen to this couple who we immediately know is doomed from the very beginning. Plus, there’s something about things emerging from darkness and grabbing your leg and dragging in the middle of the night that makes me implode with cowardice. Director and screenwriter Oren Peli also decided to factor in the whole “demonic presence” ordeal into the equation and anything that deals with that kind of stuff (i.e. The Exorcist) just fucks me up.

As soon as I walked out of the theater, I tried everything to keep my mind off of this movie: made cupcakes, sang showtunes , prayed the rosary – but nothing worked. Repeatedly singing “Tardy for the Party” didn’t even give me any solace whatsoever. As the title of this post suggests, I did in fact sleep with the lights on that night…and I may even sleep with them on again tonight.

I am not afraid to admit that I am colossal wuss – and that is perfectly fine.

“Let’s celebrate mediocrity,” says Razor (Andrew Wilson), the coach of the roller derby team affectionately called “The Hurl Scouts” in the movie Whip It after they lost one of many competitions.

This is the perfect moment to describe the entire film.

In Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut, she decides to tackle a story based on the novel Derby Girl by Shauna Cross (who also wrote the screenplay). It’s your basic cinematic underdog story: Bliss (Ellen Page) is an angsty girl with low self-esteem and lost ambition. Her mother (played by Marcia Gay Harden) is hell-bent on her becoming a prissy Texas pageant girl. Bliss obviously hates it and finds solace in wearing skates and a Girl Scout uniform while zipping through aggressive gals who want to elbow her in the face.

The film may have been mediocre, but it didn’t apologize for it. It was as though they knew the film wasn’t going to be great, but they had fun anyway. It was sweet, cute but it didn’t hold the attention that one would expect from a roller derby-centric film. With crazy roller skating outfits that would be suitable for a Heatherette or Marc Jacobs runway show, I was expecting a lot more grit and intimate aggression. Instead, I settled for brief flashes of “jammer” action and a lukewarm lovestory between Bliss and indie band boy, Oliver (Landon Pigg) – who was doing his best impression of a Coldplay member.

Marcia Gay Harden, Alia Shawkat and Kristen Wiig made the movie a bit more tolerable. They made Page’s character interesting and worthwhile. With askating moniker of ‘Babe Ruthless’ you expect a lot, but there was no ‘Babe’ nor ‘Ruthless’ reflected in Bliss.

I could’ve done without the tormenting snippiness of Juliette Lewis. She could’ve afforded to tone down on the contrived vengeful bully talk. It was just annoying. She acted and looked like Pizzazz, the arch nemesis on Jem and the Holograms.

Either way, the movie will probably ignite a roller derby resurgence as well as “bad girl on skates” style. And who doesn’t think that’s sexy?

Overall critique: Sweet, but it needed more roller ruckus and thoughtful charm. C+

The new zombie action heroes: Eisenberg (left) and Harrelson

Once in a while, there’s a film that reinvents the zombie genre. Zombieland isn’t that film – but that doesn’t mean it didn’t succeed in the whole “running away from mindless flesh hungry monsters” shtick. In fact, it succeeded and then some.

The film decides to bypass all the precursors that lead up to the zombie plight and goes straight to the voiceover of Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), a nerdy World of Warcraft college boy who is trying to make it to Ohio from Texas without getting devoured by the living dead. Along the way, he meets the wisecracking, Twinkie-craving, zombie-killing machine Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson). They get swindled by sisters, Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin); but they tend to stick together because there’s always safety in numbers. They all decide that they should head to Pacific Playland (this is after Columbus realizes there’s probably nothing in Ohio anymore) because it’s an amusement park that has turned into a zombie-free zone.

Hilarity, gruesome zombie killings and puppy love romance between Columbus and Wichita ensue.

The simple monikers that correlate with the character’s city of origin adds a giggle to this Shaun of the Dead-esque zombie comedy (or ‘zomedy,’ if you will). That and the fact that Eisenberg carries a brand of geeky humor that runs in the same vein as Michael Cera, but is more calculated and just as awkward. Harrelson charms with his roughneck swagger and Breslin tries her best to fit into the shoes of a tween Hannah Montana fanatic. As for Stone, well, she is just one of those girls you want to hang out with or bring home to mom. She also looks hot in leather. The team is strong and smart – just like the movie itself.

The movie is as fun as an amusement park ride and filled with lots of LOLs and OMG-worthy zombie massacres. With Columbus’s pop-up video “rules” cleverly interwoven into the scenes, the movie is a comedic survival zombie guide. And when a certain Ghostbuster makes a cameo, the movie just turns into this joyous celebration of the genre.

Zombies will never be out of style -and after Zombieland, they might be more in vogue – that and the hot snakeskin leather jacket Tallahassee dons in the final zombie showdown.

Overall critique: Good cast and lots of fun. Another zombie movie that is worthy enough to add to Hollywood’s ever-growing collection. It might even make you crave a Twinkie afterward. B

A Single Man, Tom Ford’s directorial debut, he obviously compacts the entire movie into a two-minute trailer that looks like cutting room floor footage of a Gucci ad. There is no need to see the movie because it was told with such clarity with this trailer. Let me break it down for you.

1.) There’s a gun.

2.) Colin Firth wears glasses.

3.) Julianne Moore laughs.

4.) Matthew Goode makes out with Mr. Firth.

5.) The girl from the original The Bad Seed makes a cameo.

6.) Ginnifer Goodwin looks pretty.

7.) Legs flail underwater.

8.) The dude from Pushing Daisies stands near a fence.

9.) The dude from About a Boy and Skins does something.

10.) People smoke cigarettes.

All the while, each and every one of them wears Tom Ford’s latest fragrance.

See? It makes perfect sense.

Beware…this video might have been pulled from the Internet by the time you read this post.

I’ve decided to stop questioning this whole remake thing that Hollywood is going through and just go with it. With the new Nightmare on Elm Street (out in theaters April 2010) ordeal, Jackie Earle Haley is stepping into the striped knit sweater of Freddy and he is the only redeeming quality of this film.

From the looks of the trailer accompanied by the angelically sinister “One, two friends” playground chant, there seem to be a lot of rehashes of the original; mainly the memorable bathtub scene with the chick from Just the Ten of Us:

…and do you think Johnny Depp turned down the reprisal of his role in Pirates just so he can focus on a cameo in the remake? That would be so cool:

That has Academy Award written all over it.

Anna Maria Perez de Tagle is the ‘joy’ of ‘Fame’

Anna Maria Perez de Tagle: The tween starlet plays Joy in Fame.

Valerie Tian can be spotted in Jennifer’s Body (she was also the abortion protester in Juno, also a Diablo Cody scribed film)

How did I manage to leave out The Office’s Mindy Kaling? And in last week’s episode, Kelii Miyata played one of the unfortunate interns.

I don’t watch Heroes anymore, but it does have the actors Sendhil Ramamurthy, Masi Oka and James Kyson Lee.

Aziz Ansari makes it hot in Parks and Recreation.

Thanks to the indie film, White on Rice, there was a surge of Asians:

Hiroshi Watanabe
Nae
James Kyson Lee (he’s on the list twice!)
Mio Takada
Lynn Chen
Joy Osmanski
Justin Kwong

Haven’t seen my DVR’d episode of Community yet, but I know this week had Ken Jeong as a uber-Asian conscious Spanish teacher.

And of course we have to include Manny Pacquiao and the new Journey lead Singer Arnel Pineda…just because.

That brings the total to…66.

Keep track of my Asian pop culture tally by clicking here (don’t forget to send those tips my way!)

In the meantime, there is one song in the film that echoes my head: “On My Own”. Not only have I made a mental note to put this in my karaoke song, but it has also sparked a side-by-side comparison of the original version sung by Irene Cara and the new one by Naturi Naughton.

Here’s Naturi singing the full version on GMA:

Hmmmm. Do I prefer the stylings of a girl in a totally hot straight-cut bang permed haircut or a gal in a preppie Lacoste pink V-neck sweater?

Cara’s version has a raw clarity to it – there’s a casual and natural sparkle. It’s honest. Naughton sings with bellowing emotion and stinky face vocal acrobatics. There’s an urgent tenderness to Cara’s and there’s more of an “in-your-face-you-go-girl-you-ain’t-gonna-stop-me” empowerment to Naughton’s – but it does seem a tad bit manufactured.

I should stay loyal to the original because of its iconic status, but the new version has a modern gravitas about it.

This is a tough call. This is an important issue plaguing the general public. It’s crucial to our existence. So please, share your thoughts.