I did it. I survived The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1. It was everything I was expecting and more. I was expecting melodrama and received that times 10.

Essentially, the movie is everything the trailer delivers and is in line with the previous teen romance-infused three movies. Edward (Robert Pattinson and Bella (Kristen Stewart) get married, they fornicate and then she gets pregnant with a halvsy baby (the birthing scene is gory fun). As for Jacob (Taylor Lautner), he gets jealous and takes off his shirt — but only once.

Then there’s this really odd “mental” conversation between the CGI’d wolves. Fans of the books will understand, but the execution of the scene was damn funny (keep in mind, it wasn’t supposed to be).

That’s pretty much it. The movie radiates with the hormonal love triangle of Edward/Bella/Jacob, the wedding, the overhyped sex scene, the gory birth, and is a 117-minute set-up to the grand finale. I am sure it will be just as soap operatic, cheesy, and full of moments for me to inappropriately laugh — which basically means Twi-hards will sink their teeth into it and suck up every last drop of vampiric angst.

Acclaimed director Bill Condon has managed to keep the tone of the entire franchise with part one of the finale — but perhaps the movie needed something else. The movie needed an injection of Condon’s Dreamgirls. The music fit in VERY well with the Twilight and would have provided for a monumental Dreamgirls/Twilight crossover event.

Here is an idea of how the music would have fit into the story and what characters would sing the songs:

“Dreamgirls” (Bella, Alice, and Rosalie): The trio would sing this while getting ready for the big wedding to make Bella feel pretty. Even though the song would be used for Bella’s big day, Alice (Ashley Greene) and Rosalie (Nikki Reed) would switch off for the lead because they are encouraging Bella to feel dreamy.

“One Night Only” (Full company): This is a high-production number and it is more than suitable for the wedding reception scene. Edward would start it off and then lyrics can be dealt evenly to the Cullen family and secondary characters (Bella’s high school friends). I envision a HUGE dance sequence led by Jasper (Jackson Rathbone).

“It’s All Over” (The Cullens, Bella, and Jacob): This where the first moment of crisis happens: Jacob shows up to the wedding and talks to Bella. When Bella tells Jacob that she and Edward are going to boink on their honeymoon, he goes ballistic. Jacob would, of course, be taking Effie’s part while The Cullens and Bella intervene and argue with him.

“And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” (Jacob): This is Jacob’s moment to shine. This is where he makes sure that Bella knows that he is here to stay.

“Love You I Do” (Bella and Edward): To add some levity to the previous musical numbers, this jaunty tune would be turned into a duet as Bella and Edward galavant around Brazil on their honeymoon. As opposed to the Dreamgirls version, this one will have a slower, instrumental variation that will play during the headboard-breaking fornication scene.

“Move” (Leah): Now is the time to put some focus on the werewolves. Since Leah (Julia Jones) is the only female in the group, she deserves a moment to take the spotlight and express herself in regards to being dumped by Sam (the son of a bitch imprinted on someone else!). The lyrics are perfect for her to sing as she leaves his pack to join Jacob’s.

“Family” (The Cullens): A heart-warming song to be sung when the family finds out that Bella has gone preggers.

“Steppin’ to the Bad Side” (The Wolfpack): After finding out about the news about Bella’s pregnancy, they are out to get that baby! Led by Sam (Chaske Spencer) the Wolfpack performs a rousing rendition (with an intense dance sequence) of this song as they prep to invade the Cullens’ home. This is the Wolfpack’s moment to howl!

“I Am Changing” (Bella): Bella will take this finale number on her own. It is her diva moment. Because of the bloody birthing scene and what is ABOUT to happen to her (fans will no where I am going with that), the lyrics are appropriate in more ways than one. The power ballad is a bit soft, but it be a cliffhanger. It will leave room for what is to come in part two!

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 opens in theaters today. click here to read complete Twilight coverage.

Last week, the trailer for dark and bad-ass Snow White and the Huntsman by rookie feature film director Rupert Sanders came out. Yesterday, director Tarsem Singh answered with his more fantastical Snow White adaptation, Mirror, Mirror.

It looks like the Snow White wars have begun (we’ll leave TV’s Once Upon a Time out of this — as if it even had a chance).

Before we get into the snap judgments from the voices of the Internet, let’s take a look at the trailers:

One looks like a gritty Joan of Arc-esque epic tale of womanhood with lots of scenes of helplessly running through the woods and the other looks like a candy-coated sanitized slapstick gum drop. That said, the voices of the Internet immediately had a bigger boner for Snow White and the Huntsman — but it wasn’t because of Kristen Stewart as the heroine. It was because of the bad-ass Evil Queen played by Charlize Theron. She looks WAAAAAAY cool, sexy, evil and more in line with how an evil queen should be. With the Evil Queen played by Julia Roberts in Mirror, Mirror — she’s cartoony and will probably receive less drag queen homages.

All that said, these movies are not about Snow White they are about the bitchiness of the Evil Queen. By looks alone, Snow White and the Huntsman wins because Charlize just LOOKS like a relentless, evil bitch. It’s so hot. As for Julia — not so much. She’s going the comedic route with her queen — much like a brutally honest and crazy aunt who gives bad Christmas gifts.

This doesn’t mean I discounting Mirror, Mirror. Evil Queen aside, the movie wins because of Snow White’s (Lily Collins) bushy eyebrows, Armie Hammer as the embodiment of a Prince Charming and, of course, the use of dwarves.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 is on the horizon and Twi-hards are probably so excited that they’re about to pee in their pants.

With that in mind, check out some soundbites from Kristen Stewart — mostly about Bella going preggers:

After a teasing buzz for the trailer for the trailer for Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, the FULL theatrical trailer for the two-part franchise finale of angsty, brooding vampires with Mormon undertones has finally hit the web. Check it out:

There are plenty of talking points in regards to the trailer, but the main one is Bella (Kristen Stewart) getting romantically (yet violently) boned by Edward (Robert Pattinson) and then going preggers with a baby vamp that has an abnormally accelerated gestation. The baby is also destined (spoiler alert) to have a horrendous name (Renesmee) AND she is imprinted by Taylor Lautner‘s bare-chested Jacob (that’s not as exciting and erotic as it sounds).

Plus, there’s a wedding, more werewolf rivalry, Volturi bullying, and what seems to be a honeymoon in Sandals Jamaica.

It’s basically Knocked Up with a vampire twist.

In any matter, nothing has really changed for our favorite coven of vegetarian vampires…hopefully pregnancy will make Bella sound less constipated.

I love how they are making the movie look like a Harlequin Romance Novel/tobacco/dated cologne/”Come visit Forks” ad.

[Source: Yahoo Movies]

Thank God I was lucky enough to see it beforehand (yes, I am gloating). I thank God even more that I didn’t have to go through the Twi-hard fueled opening night of tweens who actually think these characters are real – but that’s part of the appeal about this Twilight pandemonium, right? It’s all about the fans. The franchise is 75 percent fandom, 25 percent substance.

I try to claim that I have to watch these movies because it is my civic duty as a pop culture journalist. But I didn’t have to read all four books. I didn’t have to get the special edition DVDs as soon as they came out. I didn’t have to interview Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz when they were in San Francisco. I didn’t have to have an exclusive one-on-one interview with Robert Pattinson when he came to the city to promote the first movie. I didn’t have to watch New Moon whilst writing this blog post.

Yes, I am a fan. I refuse to be called a Twi-hard. That just sounds dirty – just like the term “imprinting.”

Nonetheless, Eclipse picks up where New Moon left off (obviously). The evil crimson-haired Victoria (now played by a girl that looks like Ron Howard’s daughter) is still hunting for Bella’s (Kristen Stewart) blood. But this time, she brought some friends. She created a new vampire named Riley (Xavier Samuel) and he is instructed to create an army of newborn vampires (the most dangerous kind) in order to search for our awkward heroine and destroy her. This prompts the wolves and vampires of Forks to band together and protect the oh-so-important Bella. All the while, Jacob (Taylor Lautner) copes with his shirt deficiency and Edward (Robert Pattinson) tries 101 different ways to give us brooding looks. And both are constantly comparing the girth of their love for Bella.

The book was probably the best in the series – and the movie is just as good. Why was it so good? I am glad you asked:

1.) New director, more extreme close-ups: New director David Slade (Hard Candy, 30 Days of Night) totally “lifted” this movie and gave it a cooler point-of-view. He kept with the tone of the movie, but made it – how should I put it – more entertaining. The ratio of cheesy romance scenes to vampire-shattering action scenes was much appreciated. And the numerous close-ups were very intrusive and oddly enjoyable.

2.) Vampires with more interesting storylines: We finally get to see why Rosalie (Nikki Reed) is such a scathing bitch towards Bella. Her backstory is probably the most emotional and speaks volumes for her character – and it actually gives her character. We also get to see what makes Jasper (Jackson Rathbone) tick as well. It’s so nice to not make it all about Edward and Bella.

3.) Learning the dangers of codependency: Bella and Edward probably have the most codependent relationship in cinematic history. This could be a problem further down the road – especially if they are going to be together forever. It’s a good instructional on how NOT to be when in a relationship.

4.) New characters, new accents: We get introduced to new wolves (Seth! Leah!) and of course the new baddie Riley. But more importantly, the Cullen patriarch, Carlisle (Peter Facinelli a.k.a. Mike Dexter) suddenly develops some sort of a British accent. And Jasper develops a very Dixieland deep-fried Southern accent that gets heavier and heavier throughout the movie. I developed a Scottish accent while watching the movie.

5.) The much anticipated tent scene: Fans will know this pivotal scene from the book that included Jacob, Edward and Bella. And if the story went a different route, it could’ve totally been a Brokeback Mountain moment for our main characters.

6.) Jessica’s valedictorian speech: Bella’s self-absorbed human gal pal Jessica (Anna Kendrick) gave one of the best valedictorian speeches I’ve ever heard!

7.) The cheese grater engagement ring: Spoiler alert: Edward proposes to Bella. Actually, it’s not really a spoiler since it is shown in one of the trailers. And in the last movie, he says he wants to marry her – but whatever. When he busts out the ridiculously large ring, my friend sitting next to me asked, “Why is he giving her a mini cheese grater?”

8.) Taylor Lautner covers up: Spoiler alert: there are moments when Jacob is wearing a shirt. Three scenes, I think.

9.) More Volturi!!!: I like seeing Dakota Fanning as Jane, one of the evil royal vampires. I like it when she tortures people with her torturous power. I just like the entire Volturi clan because they wear cloaks and are fancy.

10.) The most entertaining character in the entire Twilight franchise: Charlie (Billy Burke), Bella’s dad. He’s cool.

…and here’s one more reason to grow on:

11.) Tolerating Bella: Bella is probably my least favorite character — maybe it’s because I can’t understand why everyone feels the need to protect her as if she is hoarding the last donut on the face of the Earth, but in this movie, she was semi-tolerable! There were no nightmare-induced constipated screams, delusional romantic overtures recited through clenched teeth or flaccid stares! Bravo!

Kristen Stewart (left) and Dakota Fanning find their inner-glam rock rebels as Joan Jett and Cherie Currie

The movie: The Runaways

Written and directed by: Floria Sigismondi

Famous people you should recognize in the movie: Kristen Stewart (as Joan Jett), Dakota Fanning (as Cherie Currie), Michael Shannon (as Kim Fowley)

A ‘Runaway’ under Arrested Development: Did anyone realize that one of the group members is Alia Shawkat a.k.a. Maeby Fünke? Another fun fact – her character of Robin is a fictional member because apparently, the original member, Micki Steele (who later became the bassist for The Bangles) never gave consent to use her name in the biopic. Thus, fictional bassist Robin was born – which would explain the lack of dialogue she had in the movie.

The other ‘Runaways’ that you might not recognize: Stella Maeve as Sandy West and Scout Taylor-Compton as Lita Ford.

The story: A girl with a choppy mullet and a “f*ck you” attitude (Joan) wants to form an all-girl rockband. With the help of a brash, crude, yet motivating producer Kim Fowley, she succeeds with a blonde outcast from the burbs who is bored with her life (Cherie). It’s a hybrid of a rock biopic and an R-rated after school special.

I love rock n’ roll: Putting the microscope on one of the pioneering rock from the Bowie glam of the ’70s is long overdue. It reinvigorated the need for girl power and it probably started a new movement of female empowerment much like the Spice Girls – except a lot grittier, dirtier and more butch.

Kristen doesn’t sound too constipated: Stewart has gotten a lot of crap about her inability to “act” – but I am going to go against the norm and out some faith in her. As opposed to her character in Twilight she doesn’t sound like she is trying to give birth when she is talking.

Dirty Dakota looks so clean: Dakota Fanning excels in feathered hair, towering wedges and naughty girl-on-girl drug play. As Cherie, Fanning delivers a heavy hearted performance as a girl who grows up way too fast – very appropriate for this generation.

Overall critique: The movie is as fun, sugary, anarchic and explosive as a ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb! Grade: B

The Runaways tells the story about the first all-female rock group which started with Joan Jett, Cherie Currie, Lita Ford, Sandy West and Jackie Fox. As instructed by their producer, Kim Fowley they were to “sing with their cocks” – and that they did. That they did.

The rock biopic (out in theaters Friday, March 19) stars a mulleted Kristen Stewart as Joan, a rouge-cheeked and feathered Dakota Fanning as Cherie, and Michael Shannon as the crass and motivating Fowley – and it’s just another brick that makes the wall of powerful (and sometimes feeble -and sometimes borderline lesbionic) movies that showed that a woman can just be as good as a man when it comes to be a rockstar.

1.) Spice World (1997): Oh dear God. I think I actually saw this in the theater. As painful as it was to watch and as much as I hate to admit it, the Spice Girls were an integral part of “girl power” when it came to pop music.

2.) Josie and the Pussycats (2001): Didn’t watch it, but I did keep up with their buddies in the Archie comics. Other than that, this was probably the peak of Tara Reid’s career.

3.) Crucial Taunt from Wayne’s World (1992): Cassandra (Tia Carrere) was the hot front woman for this band. Every time she sang “Ballroom Blitz,” I quiver.

4.) The Dreamettes from Dreamgirls (2006): This group of divas weren’t necessarily rockers, but they had a hefty amount soul, drama and star power. Plus the movie has a bellowing ballad of lost love and good diva throwdown – and who doesn’t love that?

5.) The Mystery from Satisfaction (1988): It’s like The Runaways but set in the late ’80s and cutesy (what kind of band name is “The Mystery”?) Plus side? Julia Roberts has big hair and plays a guitar!

Follow the jump for the entire list and a slide show of pics!

6.) The Barbusters from Light of Day (1987): Patti Rasnick is one half of the brother/sister band in this movie – and she’s played by Joan Jett! Her brother? A less noticeable Michael J. Fox. Clearly, we know who rocked out more in this movie. And to this day, I still remember that fist-in-the-air title track.

7.) Amelia from A.D.D. in The Rocker (2008): Played by Emma Stone, Amelia stands out as the beauty alongside her male bandmates (which includes an underwear clad Rainn Wilson as Fish) – and there’s something about a lip glossy, sassy, no-nonsense bass player is drool worthy.

8.) Watts from Some Kind of Wonderful (1987): I really thought she was a lesbian in the movie – but that’s beside the point. Mary Stuart Masterson jammed out on the drums like no ones business in this romance. It’s no wonder why Keith chose her in the end (if he didn’t she can probably would’ve kick his ass).

9.) Jem and the Holograms (1985): Okay – I know it hasn’t been made into a movie (yet), but how could you not mention fictional girl bands without mentioning the holographic pop sensation that is way cooler than Lady Gaga?

The day that The Twilight Saga: New Moon came out in theaters is going to be known as the day that the loudest, collective tween squeal was heard around the world.

In the second installment of the lovelorn book-to-movie vampire franchise, Bella (Kristen Stewart) is faced with a loss and a gain. Her vampire boyfriend Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) breaks up with her in the woods and leaves her to sob in her angsty self-pity because of a near-death incident at her birthday party, while Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) is the BFF beefcake russet-colored shoulder for her to cry on.

In turn, the love triangle is officially cemented and it introduces werewolves, acts of self-masochistic desperation, a trip to Italy, evil vampire royalty and even more romance that made me roll my eyes and giggle with delight.

In the beginning of the movie, Bella turns 18 years old, which makes her think, “OMG. I am going to get really old and eventually wear orthopedic shoes while my boyfriend is going to remain hot like a Euro indie band member.” We all know where this is leading. She wants to become a vampire. This is basically a set up for the third film, Eclipse.

Jacob (looking like a member of a God-awful ’80s hair band – he looks much better with short hair) gives Bella a birthday gift. A dream catcher. This gift is the perfect way to describe this highly anticipated movie. It’s a mystic piece of iconic art that holds meaning to a culture. It has a purpose and is very beautiful at first sight. However, the more you look at it, the more it becomes a kitschy novelty gift found next to tacky turquoise jewelry at a gas station somewhere in the middle of Arizona.

That said, the movie is a cinematic dream catcher: corny, yet endearing.

New Moon wasn’t my favorite book of the series. It was one long-winded syrupy set-up to the more adventurous and dangerous third part. However, director Chris Weitz and screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg turned Stephenie Meyer’s novel into something semi-tolerable – even if it did have an enormous amount of romantic gag-worthy one-liners and gratuitous shots of shirtless guys.

The movie is what Twilight should have been. It is more thoughtful, less cliche and had less of a saccharine-infused soul. Most of all, it has a bigger budget (take note of the yellow Porshe in the Italy scenes). The cinematic style makes up for its occasional lack of substance. The warm, sepia-toned palette contrasts with the first film’s cold and icy hues. It made me look past those Edward “the friendly ghost” hallucinations and Jacob’s “you don’t want to see me angry” tough guy swagger. Lautner’s boyishly button-nosed face did not quite match up with his attempt to be a wolf boy who steals catchphrases from big green short-tempered Marvel superheroes.

Stewart as the stale and sorrowful Bella wasn’t exactly the greatest thing in the movie – and she’s in a lot of it. Bella is such a Debbie Downer. Her mouth has the inability to crack a smile and it seems like her emotional switch is constantly set on depressed. On the other hand, if Bella is supposed to be a girl who sounds constipated all the time and has exhausting co-dependency issues, then Stewart did a bang up job.

As more bare torsos and emotional constipation flashed on the screen, familiar feelings from the book started to float to the top. The three main characters got whiny, needy, ridiculous and most of all, irritating. But they are teenagers – what do you expect? This is exactly why it will be a hit with this generation. It shows that teenage love is the same no matter what your supernatural species.

The introduction of the wolf pack (played by the bohunk, skin-baring quartet of Tyson Houseman, Kiowa Gordon, Alex Meraz, and Chaske Spencer) livened up the screen for a refreshing break from the soap opera. Towards the end, the Volturi, the malicious arbitrators of vampire law, came on the screen and reinvigorated my interest. With Michael Sheen as the ominously snide Aro and Dakota Fanning as the petite and creepy Jane, there was no choice but to pay attention. Plus, there is a certain joy one gets when evil people try to ruin other people’s happiness. I think I do that everyday.

New Moon made up for what Twilight didn’t accomplish. In other words, it was better. Between the movie and the book, the movie is the lesser of the two evils. Once you tell yourself that this is geared more towards teens and less towards overthinking, impatient adults, then the movie will be worth your 131 minutes. Grade: B

For more of my ‘New Moon’ coverage click here

Kendrick makes it hot on the red carpet in a glitterfied confetti one-shouldered gown by Talbot Runhof at the ‘New Moon’ premiere on Nov. 16

As Jessica in Twilight and New Moon (and again in the 2010′s third installment Eclipse), she is Bella’s high school gal pal who isn’t a vampire or werewolf. She’s ditzy and as effervescent as three tablets of Alka-Seltzer. She’s the long lost cousin of Elle Woods except a lot less tolerable – and I love it. She’s the only one in the first movie that made me laugh out loud. (case in point: check out the scene where she tries on prom dresses or the dreamy-eyed look of vacant pleasure when she’s around Edward).

Her bubbly personality balances all the emo lovelorn malarkey in the franchise. Her subtle comedic timing and ponytail swinging smile is refreshing. She carries all of the responsibility as the resident high school gal who overuses OMG and emoticons – and she does it well. Really well. So well that she snagged a role in the upcoming George Clooney vehicle, Up in the Air AND she is getting Oscar buzz for her performance in that movie (reference Entertainment Weekly’s Nov. 13 issue to see for yourself). Check out the trailer:

Screw Team Jacob and Team Edward. I’m Team Jessica.

For more of my ‘New Moon’ coverage click here