Here are some of the top news items that have been plucked from my Facebook and Twitter feed:

Oh Lord.

There’s something hauntingly beautiful, creepy, and child pageant-like about this video of Britain’s Got Talent star, Ronan Parke singing an acoustic version of Gaga’s latest SHABLAM!-worthy club anthem. This performance looks like it took place on lo-fi public access talk show — like something I would host:

The more I watch it, the more it looks like this boy is being forced to sing and is being held for ransom.

[Source: Gawker]

I have been a huge supporter of the return of the saxophone into pop music. We are in desperate need of a saxophone renaissance. A “sax-aissance” if you will — and I think my prayers are being answered.

First off, to add to the Gaga oversaturation in the zeitgeist, I have to commend her for including the smooth sax stylings of the late Clarence Clemons in “The Edge of Glory.” Then there’s Katy Perry‘s vid for “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” — a delectable modern interpretation of retro fluorescent-hued T&A teen party movies. The video featured the Prince of Sax, Kenny G — he is truly a Phoenix rising out of the ashes of under-appreciated musical instruments.

Before them, there were many, many, many sax-heavy songs that evoked emotion that no other song has evoked before. There’s something about that sultry sound from the saxophone that just melts my ear drums. It’s like listening to a unicorn sing you a lullaby.

Besides the obvious (i.e. “Songbird”), here are a couple of sax-heavy songs that just make me sway or do a sexy body roll:

“Rump Shaker” by Wreckx-N-Effect: This booty poppin’ song of the ’90s is the magical touchstone of New Jack Swing. As soon as you hear that intro sax, you can’t help but get out of your seat and grind on someone or something. Bonus points for the use of a saxophone-playing bikini clad girl on a beach in the video:

“Foolish Beat” by Debbie Gibson: Back when she was known as Debbie, she knew that the saxophone was the key instrument to ignite lovelorn emotion in her songs. In the melodic “Foolish Beat,” the buttery sax melts with heartache — making this the perfect break-up song for anyone in junior high.

“You Got it All” by The Jets: Picture this: It’s 1987. You are at a homecoming dance. You are by the punch bowl. Your crush is standing across the room. The saxophone riff from this song comes on. Your eyes meet. You walk towards each other. You embrace. You dance. And then he takes you in the back of his Cabriolet for 5 minutes of ecstasy.

“She’s Like the Wind” by Patrick Swayze: By far, the best ballad from Dirty Dancing. P.S. — R.I.P. Patrick.

“I’ll Never Get Over You Getting Over Me” by Expose: I listen to this song on my iPod while walking around the city and act like I am in a music video where I am coping with the love that I lost. I reminisce about the good times I had with my aforementioned lost love. I flashback (in sepia tones) to the beach and the boardwalk but end up walking the lonely neon-lit streets with nothing but the comforting sounds of a cool sax solo.

“Hands to Heaven” by Breathe: The sax solo is brief, but the message is nothing but powerful.

“How Will I Know” by Whitney Houston: The saxophone is often used in mid-tempo or slow grooves — but leave it to Whitney to use it in an up-tempo dance jam. The sax doesn’t make a cameo till late in the song, but the wait is worth it!

“Smooth Operator” by Sade: The title of this song is the saxophone personified.

Last week, Scotty McCreery won this season’s Simon-less, Paula-less, Ellen-less, Kara-less tepid American Idol.

Too bad no one really cared. They were too focused on the fact that Lady Gaga dry humped and writhed around on stage whilst wearing S&M Queen Amidala-esque garb with former (and more buffed) So You Think You Can Dance contestant Mark Kanemura.

She’s so stole Scotty’s thunder.

Let’s check the playback:

It pains me to admit that I think Gaga’s music is the epitome of 21st century pop — and I am really diggin’ “Edge of Glory” (you know you’ve made it when it becomes a theme for Google Chrome!) Her music is catchy. It’s marketable. It’s easy for me to play on my acoustic guitar and they make for spectacular karaoke staples. Plus, her voice is beautiful — too bad it’s shrouded by the fact that she’s whoring herself around as a product and her derivative hodgepodge looks of shock and awe are worthy of an eye roll or two.

That aside, I am sure middle American families gathered around their TVs loved this act of simulated sex. At the same time, there was an absence of arousal from my end — but that was the least of my concerns. I could find other ways to tickle my pickle. I was just excited by the fact that Lady Gaga managed to make use of the Aggro Crag (or Mega Crag) from Nickelodeon’s teen sporting game show of the late ’80s, Guts hosted by Glee‘s Mike O’Malley:

There was Lady Gaga‘s egg entrance on the red carpet — which is the perfect way to quench the thirst of any attention whore. Even Florence Welch of Florence and the Machine fame sported a Givenchy bird dress that is more tolerable than Bjork’s embarrassingly iconic swan dress.

To top it all off, there was Cee-Lo‘s peacock flaunting, Muppet wielding, Gwyneth Paltrow endorsing performance of “Forget You” — which probably made Elton John grin (or scowl depending how you look at it).

I have an irrational fear of birds so all of this is freaking me out.

The song has been regurgitated on the radio over and over again and NOW we have the pleasure of the 8 minute Ace of Base-meets-”La Isla Bonita” song in video form. Come with me as we enjoy a journey of androgyny, Nazi femme bots, latex-clad nuns, naked men torsos, Aeon Flux aesthetics and chili-bowl haircuts.

I found this in my Facebook stream (thanks Stephanie) and it was definitely worth a share.

Next up? Angela Chase sings “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus.

I like the way he leans.

With her latest video directed by Jonas Åkerlund (whose resume includes a slew of Madonna video) there’s a lot goin’ on – and blatant product endorsement. When watching you can spot some Virgin Mobile and Polaroid placements. It makes sense for the latter because Gaga the creative director.

I would’ve been a bit more excited if this video came out earlier. This song has been radio diarrhea for the past couple of months. One thing I can say about Gaga is that I like the way she is making music videos relevant again. This is like her “Thriller”. Besides the lesbionic storyline a la Thelma and Louise and the lovely women’s prison movie vibe, there are a couple of things that deserve our attention…

Honey Bun: It’s Beyonce’s nickname and is the unofficial processed snack food sponsor of the video.

Tyrese: This is his best work since his “Sweet Lady” video.

Jai Rodriguez: The Queer Eye For the Straight Guy “Cultural Specialist” makes a comeback!

The Pussy Wagon: B and Gaga make their getaway in the same automobile that was seen in Kill Bill. For some reason it seems a lot less cooler than when Uma Thurman did it.

You can check out the 9 minute video by clicking here (and it has CURSE WORDS! Very naughty!)

What many don’t know is that this video can be used in geography classes all over the world. Beyonce is a virtual teacher of telling us a little about the locations and culture of various cities via clever hand gestures when she sings the following lyrics:

Let me break it down for you:

Here, B gives us the Jay-Z’s ubiquitous “Hova” symbol which is synonymous with his hometown of Brooklyn.

When she says “Atlanta” and “Houston,” B points down. When you point down, that means South. Atlanta and Houston are located in the South.

Finally, B gives us a spelling lesson when she sings “New Orleans.” She makes an “O” with her thumbs and index fingers; letting us know that “Orleans” in “New Orleans” is spelled with an “O”.

See – learning CAN be fun!

This high-energy dance break was brought to you by Beyonce, Lady Gaga, DJ Dan, and of course, Zaid.