Raunch, weed, the Notorious N.P.H., a dead Santa, 3D technology: these are the elements of the perfect, feel-good, family-friendly Christmas movie.

The Harold and Kumar franchise is one franchise I don’t mind because 1.) It’s nasty fun and 2.) It has Asian Americans starring as regular, non-stereotypical Asians (remember when I wrote a whole article about that?). Actually, there are some stereotypes, but it’s self-deprecating so it’s the good kind of stereotyping — the kind that makes fun of itself.

In any matter, this movie is so absurd that I have no choice but to enjoy it. I already foresee this new installment as one of my favorite Christmas-themed movies alongside Elf and The Star Wars Christmas Special.

When the announcement of a live-actionSmurfs movie was made, there was a collective groan heard around the world. When they said it was going to be in 3D, a moan followed.

Call me “Smurf’d,” but the more I thought of it, the more I started to like the idea. The movie stars Neil Patrick Harris and Hank Azaria — and I don’t mind them at all. It also stars the saucer-eyed sweetness Jayma Mays from Glee. I may be more enamored by the childhood nostalgia of these blue motherfuckers, but I am building up a considrable amount of anticipation for seeing Papa Smurf (The Bear), Smurfette (The Tranny), Grouchy Smurf (The Diva) and Brainy Smurf (The Asian) on the big screen. Check out the new trailer:

Side note: There is one classic episode of The Smurfs that I remember clearly. It was called “The Purple Smurfs.” The story involved a bug biting Lazy Smurf in the ass and he turned purple and evil. Afterward, he bit Hefty Smurf in the ass and it started this epidemic of ass-biting that resulted in purple Smurfs yelping “G’nap!” and hopping about like crazy-ass ass biters . Don’t believe me? Watch the clip below (timestamp 2:13 and 3:54 to be exact).

While teaching his architecture class, Ted (Josh Radnor) makes fun of a name on his roster: Cook Poo (or is it Kuk Pu?), thinking that someone put that name the roster as a joke. Turns out it’s a real student who is Asian (of course). She gets offended and drops out of his class.

The 2001 militant Asian in me would’ve gotten all pissy over this situation. I probably would’ve boycotted the show, made picket signs and flew to CBS studios and caused a big ol’ hoopla – but I have mellowed out since then. Even though there is probably a brigade of Asian American progressives who would take those kinds of actions, the rest of us see the humor in the ordeal.

For one, it makes Ted look unbelievably ignorant – and throughout the episode his friends make sure he knows that. Secondly, it shows that Asian names are becoming easier to pronounce and people who aren’t familiar with the culture are embracing foreign names. Lastly, the name is just plain funny like any other name in a different culture: Amanda Hugginkiss, Seymour Butts, Sanjaya Malakar, Miley Cyrus, etc. etc.

I am sure that this ‘Cook Poo’ incident won’t cause an uproar, but I just wanted to reiterate why it shouldn’t. If it does offend, then perhaps you need to lighten up. I am sure there is a Cook Poo somewhere in the world who found this episode hilarious.

The episode titled “Jenkins” has Marshall (Jason Segel) kind of crushing on a new gal at work, Jenkins (Amanda Peet) and he gets nervous because he thinks when Lily (Alyson Hannigan) finds out Jenkins is not a guy, she’ll go postal. From this, Ted (Josh Radnor) and Robin (Cobie Smulders) compare Lily and Marshall’s relationship to the reacher/settler philosophy. A reacher is someone who reaches for someone out of their league while a settler is a person who settles for someone below their league.

Does that make sense? I typed it out pretty fast because it’s almost 1 a.m. and I need to get to sleep. Email me if it doesn’t make sense.

In any matter, as a single, insecure male, I looked at all the couples around me and thought, “Is this theory true?” Then are started to evaluate. Then I started to think it was true. Then I started to feel like I was mean. Then I started to feel really judgmental.

This is EXACTLY why this show is so thought-provoking. It plants a seed of social commentary in our heads and, for us late twenty/early thirty somethings, it fucks you up – but it makes you laugh while doing it.

What do you think? Is this theory true?

Please evaluate the loved ones around you.

More than that, which one would you be? The settler? Or the reacher?

Inquiring minds want to know.

What to watch on the runway:

Men’s Fashion Week: Sexually ambiguous models will strut their stuff down the runway in Milan and Paris to show us what us guys will look like this fall. Festivities started on Jan. 16 and will conclude on the 24. I’m keeping my eye on Yohji, YSL, Lanvin and I think Osh Kosh will be showing too!

What to watch on TV:

Monday, Jan. 18: Life Unexpected on the CW. It’s supposed to be like the Gilmore Girls meets Juno. Also, for all you masculine figure skaters out there, the flamboyant Johnny Weir premieres his documentary series called Be Good Johnny Weir on the Sundance channel. Also, Neil Patrick Harris directs the 101st episode of How I Met Your Mother it’s sure to be LEGEN…okay, you know the rest.

Tuesday, Jan. 19: Shania Twain helps judge American Idol on Fox. So that’s where she’s been this whole time!

Wednesday, Jan. 20: The sassy sprite Kristin Chenoweth takes the guest judge chair on American Idol and on Modern Family (ABC), Mitchell makes Jay think that one of his old pals is playing for the same team (in other words he’s gay). I’m already LOLing.

Thursday, Jan. 21: YAY! NBC airs new episodes of The Office, Parks and Recreation, and 30 Rock (the latter with Julianne Moore!). The new law drama (or is it a comedy) The Deep End debuts on ABC and a new Project Runway (Lifetime)! Does anyone even bother with their show, Models of the Runway?

Friday, Jan. 22: The series finale of Dollhouse hits Fox and Spartacus: Blood and Sand premieres on Starz. I wonder if it will be as homoerotic as the original…

Sunday, Jan 24: The Olympics are around the corner and you know what that means – it’s time for the AT&T U.S. Figure Skating Championships!

What to watch in the theater…

- Extraordinary Measures – any movie with Felicity, Encino Man and Han Solo has to be good.
- Legion
- Tooth Fairy – the Rock stars in this…with Julie Andrews. Nuff said.

What to buy on DVD:

- Aziz Ansari: Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening (he’s been tweeting about it – and it sounds damn funny)
- Blood Creek
- Dallas: The Complete Twelfth Season (finally!)
- Fraggle Rock: The Complete Animated Series (I am so down with the FR)
- Gamer
- Girlfriends: The Complete Series Pack
- Girlfriends: The Final Season
- The Invention of Lying (Gervais is God)
- Pandorum
- Weeds: Season Five
- Whiteout

…and new on Blu-ray:
- The whole ‘Bourne’ series: The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy and The Bourne Ultimatum – now you can see him kick ass in uber high def!
- Magnolia

Their foreheads aren’t that big.

Nonetheless, Michael C. Hall picks up the win for Dexter beating out my boy Jon Hamm; and Julianna Margulies from The Good Wife beats out another Mad Men actor January Jones.

Wow. I really need to start watching Dexter…and maybe The Good Wife.

I guess I should actually start watching that show.

Meanwhile, presenter Paul McCartney says that animation is good for kids and adults on drugs. Perhaps Up would be good to test that theory; winner of Best Animated Feature Film.

It’s about damn time they utilized NPH’s musical chops – and with a sartorial angle at that. Two of my favorite things combined into one.

Besides the brilliant closing musical number, this had to be one of the best episodes yet. Tim Gunn played Barney’s tailor (hence the performance of “Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit”) and the real “mother” is officially on the radar.

I personally think that introducing the title character into the fold is perfect timing – but how about you – do you think it was too soon?

Genius.

A hug is like a public dry hump.

-Barney