Everything you have heard about Bridesmaids is true. It’s funny. It’s so funny that I watched two pre-screenings of it — and I will probably see it a third, forth and fifth time until it comes out on Blu-ray. Then I will just have it on replay so it will serve as a source of happiness in my life.

The immediate sell of Bridesmaids is the cast led by Kristen Wiig who plays Annie, a down-on-her-luck gal with a heart of gold. She lost her bakery business; she miserably works at a pseudo-fancy jewelry store; her roommates are clueless, disrespectful morons (Rebel Wilson and Matt Lucas KILL these roles); and she yearns for a real relationship from her douchebag f*ck buddy (played with the utmost douchebaggery by Jon Hamm). Through all of this she manages to keep a smile on her face with the help of her BFF Lillian (Maya Rudolph) — until she gets engaged.

Annie is asked to be the maid of honor and once this happens she gets eclipsed by Lillian’s new friend Helen (Rose Byrne — who knew she could do comedy so well?!), a garish and pretentious, “Look at how pretty I am” socialite. On the plus side, she finds a confidant in Officer Rhodes (Chris O’Dowd), a charming but atypical, not-so-hunky but cute enough love interest.

In addition to all of these ingredients for an offbeat rom-com, the movie folds in Melissa Mcarthy, Jill Clayburgh, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Ellie Kemper, and Melissa Mcarthy (she’s so enjoyable, she has to be mentioned twice) to provide one of the best comedies of the year. With the inclusion of Wilson Phillips’s “Hold On” as a vital plot point, Bridesmaids may be considered one of the best wedding movies made. Ever.

Although directed by Paul Feig and produced by Judd Apatow, Bridesmaids is an all-female comedy club — and it’s a club that each gender wants to desperately wants to be part of. The movie elevates the female buddy comedy and puts it on par with male buddy comedies — it even surpasses some of them.

The movie has been referred to as the female answer to The Hangover. Although both are funny, they are in two totally different worlds. The Hangover took the phrase “What happens in Vegas…” and blew it up into a comedic raunch-fest of drunken debauchery and morning after mystery. Although Bridesmaids has its fair share of raunch (prepare your stomach for the dress shopping scene which includes liquids exiting from various orifices), there was an element of wit, sensitivity and heart that The Hangover didn’t touch — and that wit was in the source of Wiig. As the leader of the pack, Wiig is a great comedienne that can act and everyone else feeds off of her and it provides great LOL-worthy entertainment that is reconfigures the typical rom-com and makes it ingestible for both genders.

Watching the movie is the equivalent of eating a cupcake while watching softcore porn. It’s very sweet…but nasty enough.

Bridesmaids opens in theaters today.

Not having seen the live-streaming show due millions upon millions of people logging on to SHOWstudio.com to watch, I felt defeated. It was like I was Carrie and someone dumped a bucket of pig’s blood on me.

Okay. It wasn’t that serious. But trying to log on to that site to watch the show was a pain.

When I finally saw the reposted video, I was transported to his show affectionately called, “Plato’s Atlantis.” Stingray silhouettes dominated the runway while short skirts stamped with trademark McQueen tailoring were drenched in outsized aquatic Rorschach reptilian blots.

Washed out with alien-like makeup, the models donned menacing fins for hair. All the while, they hobbled gracefully like extra terrestrial sea nymphs in shoes that were a steroid-infused mash-up of ballerina pointe shoes and crab claws – something a hot stripper in Atlantis would wear.

Although part of me was hoping that one of them would take a glorious fall to quench my thirst for low brow entertainment, my mind was racing at what was being poured out on that runway. It was as if the land and merpeople of The Little Mermaid were invaded by glamazon, Predator-like sea creatures and forced to drop E and have a week-long rave (not of the LovEvolution variety).

I’ll spare you the “brilliant” and “cutting edge” praises that this collection deserves. The world knows that McQueen is talented. You mention the name and all the “passion for fashion” types will admire his work. He can design, cut, elevate taste levels and give an electric shock of inspiration. When people go outside of the box, McQueen finds an area within that outside that hasn’t been touched and stakes his claim with quiet and clever certainty.

The reason why people got all a twitter (and yes, many people were tweeting about this) with this collection of sartorial sea life is because it was a enriching eyegasm. Yes, McQueen can design, but with a Hans Christian Andersen-like sensibility, he has the ability to captivate you into his world of provoking fantasy. Whether it is a sumptuous, eye-popping scaly rainbow fish dress or smooth-as-sharkskin trousers, he makes you see what he sees and finds a way to do it without being literal, self-indulgent or crazy with avant garde malarky.

The collection was serene, dangerous, balanced and had this edge that quietly gave other designers the middle finger. It was also a challenge to the world of fast fashion retailers that said, “Go ahead – just try and make a derivative of this.” Seeing an H&M knock-off of his shoe that looked like a fossilized prehistoric fish would definitely be a hoot.

See the entire collection at Style.com

Honey, there’s just not something wrong with her. There’s somethings wrong with her – and the entire movie for that matter.

I don’t bring out the word, “Honey” that often, but when I feel the need to get all Southern and matter-of-factly on a topic, I’ll bust that word out. I will also say phrases like “I do declare” and “y’all” and the occasional “fiddle-dee-dee.” That said, I feel the need to vent my frustrations about this movie so I need to pull out all the stops.

Lordy, lordy, lordy – where do I begin? First off, I have to say I have held off writing this review because 1.) I wanted to marinate on this movie to see if there was anything redeeming about it and 2.) My new apartment (as many of y’all know) has no internet.

In regards to point #1, there wasn’t anything redeeming. If you don’t know the plot by now, then I’ll break it down for you: Kate and John Coleman (Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard) are a happily married couple with two kids. She can’t have kids anymore after an unfortunate mishap with their third. He is the uber-supportive husband. They adopt a child that, from the get go, is questionable. From there, madness breaks out like Chlamydia in a whore house.

First off, why in the hell (I repeat, HELL) would you want to adopt a child that dresses up like she’s from a totally different era? Secondly, when we first see Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman), she’s all alone. Painting. Singing a song in a room by herself. Her child-like aloofness may be cute at first, but c’mon – isn’t that kind of a “something is wrong with her” red flag. It’s like Kate and John (ummmm – are their names a reference to John & Kate Plus Eight?) went out of their way to find the most creepy kid in the bunch.

The movie is like The Bad Seed mixed with The Good Son and twisted with eerie freak show child pageantry costuming a la JonBenét Ramsey. Although I appreciate historic fashion, why the hell (I repeat, HELL) did they have to dress Esther like that? She would’ve been just as scary and annoying if she were wearing a Juicy Couture track suit with Uggs the whole time. In fact, she would’ve been scarier.

The movie moves at a snail’s pace which makes you hope that the ending is worth the two hours of pigeon smashing, tree house burning and “innocent” child-like manipulation. Unfortunately, it isn’t. It just gets more and more irritating with every Russian accented word Esther speaks. It was as if they forgot to put an ending to this sluggish thriller and tied up the loose end with less-than-riveting carelessness.

I was more entertained by the commentary from the dude sitting next to me in the theater. (i.e. “Damn – that girl is f***** up” and “Ooooh – she got no shame killin’ that pigeon! She’s straight-up gangta!”). Normally, I would be annoyed by non-solicited commentary from fellow moviegoers. In this case, it was appreciated.

Don’t let the gory introduction to the movie fool you, I do declare that this movie is anything but a thrilling story that uses the whole, “creepy child” schtick. Fiddle dee dee.

I say this because as soon as I saw the opening scene and heard that catchy music box theme, I was a bit confused. I totally forgot what happened in The Order of the Phoenix. Luckily, I caught on – but it took me a while. And luckily the plot doesn’t require you to know rocket science.

But I do strongly suggest you review the past Potter films. It’ll probably work in your favor. And it’s always fun to see Daniel Radcliffe pre-Equus

In any matter, the film, directed by David Yates (who also did Phoenix), has Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) joining Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) on the continuing quest to find a way to destroy Voldemort (gasp! I spoke his name) – but first, they must bring Horace Slughorn (Jim Broadbent) back to Hogwart’s to teach. Apparently, he has some vital information that could possibly destroy Voldemort (gasp! I spoke it again).

In any matter, it’s Harry’s 6th year at Hogwart’s and things aren’t as happy-go-lucky as they used to be. It’s darker and somber – almost emo. Security is tight and they ain’t havin’ as much fun as they used to. Harry also suspects that Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton) is turning to the dark side Darth Vader style.

It may seem a little bit darker up in the big H, but there is plenty of hormonal angst all over the place. Harry (who apparently is this big mack daddy now) starts to have feelings for Ginny Weasley (Bonnie Wright – she is treated to more screen time in this one); her brother and Harry’s BFF, Ron (Rupert Grint), hooks up with the clingy and psycho-romantic Lavender Brown (Jessie Cave) and Hermione (Emma Watson – who is looking sweet and gamine these days) looks at him with restrained jealousy while the pompous, Abercrombie & Fitch-y Cormac McLaggen (Freddie Stroma) does his best peacock dance to win her over.

Think of it as a romantic teen comedy with magic wands and English accents. And what is with that name Lavender Brown? That is a straight-up stripper name.

Ron+Hermione+Harry = BF4E!

Throughout all that mess, Harry finds a book in his potions class once owned by the Half-Blood Prince (hence the movie title). The book contains altered recipes for potions and spells that cause him to be a star student and, become a little bit obsessive. On top of that, he’s dealing with his feelings for Ginny, hunting down Voldemort and trying to bust Draco. No wonder why he’s so angsty.

The movie was unexpected and very subdued. It’s like it wanted to explode with extravagant wizardry, but it had to hold itself back – which makes me think we are in for some hardcore wizardry throwdowns in the next installments. But there is one scene where Dumbledore wards off tons of busted-looking waify creatures (I think they were runway models) with a firestorm. It was hot. Literally.

This is the first time I have watched a Potter film and realized that all of these characters are grown up. They actually have a conscious realization of their feelings – which explains the huge spotlight on the “he likes her who likes him” mess.

It’s nice that we have been with them from the very beginning. They have grown up right before our very eyes. But within all those years, why haven’t they changed their wardrobe? Do they all have an endless expense account at H&M? It’s a teenybopper array of hoodies, T shirts and jeans. I think it might be time for an upgrade.

As for the bad guys – now those are some people who know how to dress. Draco has this sort of Alexander McQueen washed-out look with his pale skin, platinum hair and the dapper slim black-on-black suit. Professor Snape (played by the always brilliant Alan Rickman) hasn’t changed since the first film, but his severely-cut/flowy Matrix-like banded collar suit is priest-chic. Then there’s Bellatrix Lestrange (Helena Bonham Carter), who is doing her hottest impression of Stevie Nicks-gone-meth addict.

But I digress.

Nothing in this movie was groundbreaking. Nothing impressed me. Nothing had me screaming “Expecto Patronum!” as I walked out of the theater. I didn’t even want to play a round of Quidditch after. And all that isn’t necessarily bad. We already been through all that. Now, the focus is more story less flash – which seems to be the evolution of the Potter films. The story intrigued me enough. Sure, there was a little bit more room for satisfaction, but I wasn’t complaining.

Ultimately, this was just a set-up (on the borderline of long-winded) for the final two-part hurrah of The Deathly Hallows. Hopefully, this set-up will be worth it.

Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen) gives Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf) a fatherly lecture in a cemetery – because that’s the perfect place for a fatherly lecture

From the moment I saw a caveman on the screen in the opening scene of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I knew I was in for a bittersweet treat. Yes, you heard that right: caveman. No I am not getting this confused with the lukewarm comedy film Year One (very disappointing by the way), I am talking about our favorite robots in disguise. Autobots. Decepticons. Shia. Megan. The whole shebang – and a shebang it was…sort of.

The second chapter of this robotic saga brings us up to speed with Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf) and his hot, to-good-for-him, girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox). He’s going to Princeton, she’s working at a bike shop that requires her to wear Daisy Duke shorts and lip smacking make up. He finds a piece of the Allspark cube from the first movie hidden away in his battle wounded hoodie. He picks it up and that’s when all hell breaks loose.

The little fragment sparks (no pun intended) Sam’s inner Raymond Babbitt/John Nash and he starts seeing these characters and becomes an idiot savant in his Astronomy class. Turns out that the fragment of the Allspark implanted clues in his head to where the Decepticons can find a big ol’ machine that can blow up the sun. In turn, Megatron (voiced by Hugo Weaving) returns from the dead to get some revenge and another ancient badass robot named the Fallen (voiced by Tony Todd) is there with him.

Let me back up for a second.

So it turns out the whole Transformers phenomenon goes way back into time before Megan Fox was getting compared to Angelina Jolie and when men wore loincloths (which would explain the aforementioned cavemen). The Fallen was a part of that crew and he got exiled for wanting to blow up suns and making the whole universe a land suitable for Emo and Scene kids.

Yes, the plot is pretty much your basic “take over the world” storyline with transforming cars. All in all, it’s a muddled storyline eclipsed by really cool and complicated CGI that is too much for the eyes to take in.

Nonetheless, once they figure out Sam has the key to the sun obliterator. The Decepticons go after him with a vengeance, which makes the Autobots spring into action.

Luckily, the Autobots (Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Ratchet and some new annoying twin bots named Mudflap and Skids) have created this budding ro-bromance with a new top secret sector called NEST which includes Josh Duhamel’s character and his band of merry men (Tyrese is included in that mix – and by the way, when is he gonna come out with a new album?).

After all of this is set up, we all get to have an eyegasm of intertwined robots and – all together now – Megan Fox sans Ugg boots and sweats.

One of many scenes in which LaBeouf and Fox run.

Ultimately, the formula went like this: Explosion. Robot. Fight. Transform. Actors run. Repeat that for 144 minutes and you got yourself a sequel with Michael Bay’s name written all over it.

I had a multitude of Transformers when I was a young lad. When I played with them in my suburban home in San Antonio, TX, my fight scenes were more elaborate and exciting – maybe it’s because I often did cross toy product wars with G.I. Joe and sometimes my sister’s Barbie dolls, but that’s neither here or there.

At one point I stopped caring about whether or not Sam was going to get a magical Matrix to (possible spoiler alert) to save a Transformer’s life whose name rhymes with Schmoptimus Crime. Even when the super-Decepticon Devastator showed up on the screen I wasn’t that excited. I had this particular Transformer toy when I was a child. It was basically six construction vehicles (appropriately called Constructicons) that formed together and made a gigantic robot (much like Voltron). It was fluorescent green and purple and it was SO cool. The movie version of the Devastator was like a hybrid of a robotic dog and a vacuum cleaner. Very disappointing.

Bumblebee (voiced by Mark Ryan) kicks some Decepticon boo-tay

This ride of seizure-inducing transforming fight scenes and gratuitous explosions was quite exhausting. And how necessary was it to bring in Isabel Lucas as a evil temptress that weighs as much as a bucket of air? If it was an attempt to produce another hottie, they failed miserably. Fox has the monopoly on that.

Thank God John Turturro (he’s back as the irritating Agent Simmons) and newbie Ramon Rodriguez (who plays Sam’s roommate Leo) were there to provide comic relief amongst the gag-worthy “Who’s going to say ‘I love you first’?” battle between LeBouf’s and Fox’s characters. Honorable mention goes to Julie White and Kevin Dunn as Sam’s kooky parents.

Without a doubt I am a fan of LaBeouf and I admire the signature Spielberg boy-and-alien friendship with the endearing yellow Camaro Bumblebee, but even LeBeouf’s “He’s the next Tom Hanks” charm didn’t give me the summer blockbuster joyride I had with the first one.