Up All Night: The second episode was light years funnier than the pilot. Congratulations Christina Applegate and Will Arnett. You are safe from elimination from my DVR.

The X Factor: American Idol, The Voice, and America’s Got Talent were a monolithic Voltron character, it would be called The X Factor.

Modern Family: The best season premiere from a returning TV series. I was peeing in my pants. Seriously, I pissed my pants while watching the episode because I have bladder control problems.

The Office: Andy’s the new manager? Robert California? Pam’s pregnant? Angela’s pregnant? Stanley’s new catchphrase is “shove it up your butt”? Planking? Dwight’s 8-day-a-week workout plan? Jim’s list at the end? The show seems to be doing fine without Michael Scott — but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss him.

Charlie’s Angels: Click this link. It explains it all.

The Big Bang Theory: Sorry. I missed it. To my defense, I am two seasons behind. Bazinga.

Whitney: Funny. Love the “Whitney is taped in front of a live studio audience” announcement. I think I’ll stick with the other show she co-created (that would be 2 Broke Girls).

Parks and Recreation: A mass text of a penis picture is always a good way to start a season premiere.

Person of Interest: I would like to send my sincerest apologies to J.J. Abrams. I didn’t watch it — but I am sure it was good. Right?

Community: Good to see the study group back in session. Even better musical introduction. Good to see John Goodman. Scared shitless over Michael Kenneth Williams as the Bio professor. The direction the show is taking is uncertain — which can be good…or bad. Perhaps I may have overhyped the premiere, but I wasn’t getting the normal laugh boner I get when I watch the show. I hope — nay — I know it will get better. Don’t let me down Greendale. You’re my only hope.

- Some photos from the modern adaptation of the BEST high school cop drama, 21 Jump Street surface. Jonah Hill? Channing Tatum? This could possibly be the best cop duo ever — and it’s a redux that I actually don’t mind. [ComingSoon.net]

- Harry Potter (a.k.a. Daniel Radcliffe just says no to butter beer. [EW.com]

- Bridesmaids becomes the highest grossing female comedy EVER. I can’t believe they beat out Coyote Ugly. [Collider]

- Keri Russell is prego with her second child. I wonder if she recorded a tape to tell Sally all about it. [People]

- Lenny Kravitz was cast in the crucial role of Cinna (a fan favorite) in the much-anticipated adaptation of the tween lit series, The Hunger Games. But guess what? He never heard of the series before he got cast — and he didn’t have to audition! BLASPHEMY! [TheHob.org]

- Guess who is in talks to direct an Oldboy remake? Spike Lee. Guess what has two thumbs and is not excited about that? THIS GUY RIGHT HERE. (You can’t see me, but I am pointing at myself with my thumbs.) [Twitch]

- The Office finds a new cast member by the name of James Spader. Whether or not he is Steve Carell‘s replacement — well, that’s up for debate. [Deadline]

- Throughout all my years of abundant TV consumption, I’ve only seen one episode of Party Down (I think it was an episode where a penis was involved). That would be more than enough for me to watch a movie adaptation of the show. [Huffington Post]

- WHAT?! They want to replace the little Asian twins that play Lily on Modern Family? This is the second case of blasphemy this week! (the first being the aforementioned Kravitz/Hunger Games ordeal) [Vulture]

- It doesn’t really take a genius to know that Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached are the same movie — but now we have proof! [ScreenCrave]

- Best news of the week: O.G. Batman Adam West may make a cameo in The Dark Knight Rises…hopefully in his original Batman costume. [Paste Magazine]

I really could care less about the actual Royal Wedding — but I do care about adding a Kate/William commemorative plate to my collection.

Nonetheless, here are a couple of things that I do care about — and you should to:

The Voice: Question — Who in the hell needs another vocal competition show? Answer– I do. I watched a preview of this show late last night and I was really getting into it! I think the main appeal was the motley crew of “vocal coaches” that have to pick a team of singers via blind auditions: Christina Aguilera, Adam Levine, Cee Lo Green, and Blake Shelton. It’s kind of game show-y, kind of reality show-y, kind of cheesy, but it’s music celebrity wattage is through the roof. Based on the preview alone, I am kinda hooked. (And yes, Blake Shelton is a celebrity.) Airs on NBC tonight

Hesher: This little movie stars commercial/indie hybrid golden boy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, a Dwight Shrute-less Rainn Wilson, Natalie “I Am in Every 2011 Movie” Portman, a phenomenal performance by Carrie‘s momma Piper Laurie and a young cinema wunderkind by the name of Devin Brochu. The movie has made its festival rounds and I caught a screening of it last week. It’s a story that is full of fun: a Jesus Christ-looking vagabond/druggie rebel who invades a house of grief-stricken family who just lost their maternal figure. The movie opens in theaters on May 13 — so make sure you mark your calendar. In the meantime, check out the trailer:

Michael Scott takes his final bow at The Office: Get the tissues ready. This episode (airing Thursday) will be hard on all of us. (That’s what she said.)

R is among the most menacing of sounds. That’s why they call it “Murder” and not “Muck Duck.”

- said by Dwight Shrute (Rainn Wilson) on The Office episode titled “Mafia.”

Anna Maria Perez de Tagle is the ‘joy’ of ‘Fame’

Anna Maria Perez de Tagle: The tween starlet plays Joy in Fame.

Valerie Tian can be spotted in Jennifer’s Body (she was also the abortion protester in Juno, also a Diablo Cody scribed film)

How did I manage to leave out The Office’s Mindy Kaling? And in last week’s episode, Kelii Miyata played one of the unfortunate interns.

I don’t watch Heroes anymore, but it does have the actors Sendhil Ramamurthy, Masi Oka and James Kyson Lee.

Aziz Ansari makes it hot in Parks and Recreation.

Thanks to the indie film, White on Rice, there was a surge of Asians:

Hiroshi Watanabe
Nae
James Kyson Lee (he’s on the list twice!)
Mio Takada
Lynn Chen
Joy Osmanski
Justin Kwong

Haven’t seen my DVR’d episode of Community yet, but I know this week had Ken Jeong as a uber-Asian conscious Spanish teacher.

And of course we have to include Manny Pacquiao and the new Journey lead Singer Arnel Pineda…just because.

That brings the total to…66.

Keep track of my Asian pop culture tally by clicking here (don’t forget to send those tips my way!)

It took me a long time to jump on the GG bandwagon. In fact, I didn’t start watching it until after the writer’s strike. One day, I gave in. I watched the first episode and from the first breathy X-O-X-O, I was hooked. I loved S. I loved B. I loved how B was the biggest bitch. I loved the headbands. I loved Chuck. I loved his slimy dandyism. After I completed the first season, (which I watched in one entire sitting mind you) I was craving more. I loved to see these rich kids get into a whole lotta mess – because they deserved it. It was hot. And the fact that Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg) was even a bigger bitch than Blair (Leighton Meester) – and I didn’t even think that was possible – was the icing on the cake. Well, they were in different bitch categories, Blair was more of a in-your-face bitch whereas Georgina is a sneaky bitch and would screw up your life with her two face antics.

Even this soft core porn ad couldn’t bring me back to the show

When I started watching season 2, I felt the wane. Lil J (Taylor Momsen) got annoying. Really annoying. Her smoky eyes made her look like a “Joan Jett: The Musical” understudy. Then everything just got muddled and blah. Dan (Penn Badgley) was becoming a little punk. Nate (Chace Crawford) was becoming an Abercrombie & Fitch wuss and the only thing interesting about him was his man bangs. And don’t even get me started on Serena (Blake Lively). Boring with a capital yawn. The only one worth watching was Chuck (Ed Westwick) – well, I just liked his outfits.

The same goes with Heroes. I was enthralled with it’s X-men meets Lost mythology, but then that whole thing called season 2 happened and I just couldn’t handle Hayden Panittierrerererere and her lack of personality – not to mention Milo and his crooked-mouthed yelling.

There are some that I just stop watching because of no particular reason. I just don’t make them a priority anymore. I mean, I loved 30 Rock – but I just stopped watching. Same goes with Eastbound and Down and Flight of the Concords – I loved those shows. Unfortunately, they just fell off my radar. It’s like that friend from college you lost touch with. You wouldn’t mind running into them down the road.

Then there is Mad Men. This show is like the friend I let down. The dad I disappointed. I watched season one and was totally enthralled. Then, I didn’t even bother with season two; knowing damn well I was disappointing the show. It’s like the lover I abandoned after a raunchy one-night stand.

There are plenty of other shows that have either fell through the cracks or I just don’t want to bother with anymore: Skins, the new 90210 and now Nurse Jackie – and that hasn’t even been on a full season. Talk about short attention span.

Luckily I have shows that constantly keep me satisfied like a reliable hooker: Lost (of course), The Office, How I Met Your Mother, United States of Tara, Glee (one episode and I was HOOKED) and most recently, I jumped on the True Blood bandwagon (and these don’t include my reality show obsessions. Yes, I watch A LOT of TV).

If you look at the aforementioned list they either have one of the following: 1.) constant development of an intriguing storyline that keeps you guessing (can you say DHARMA INITIATIVE?) 2.) humor that is clever and smart (please reference any episode of HIMYM or The Office) 3.) Crazy-ass characters set in a blood-sucking small town in Louisiana or 4.) a woman with dissociative identity disorder and her dysfunctional family.

Who knows? With shows coming in and out of the woodwork, my interest may change yet again. Oh wait – gotta go – The Bachelorette is on.