It’s a day later than usual but here are some of the top news items that have been plucked from my Facebook and Twitter feed..

This season of True Blood was one unbelievable WTF moment after another. It was bat-shit crazy, over-the-top, and filled to the brim with soap opera drivel and bloody absurdity. Bill had his moment as a douchebag king, Sookie used up her punchcard for Eric Northman booty calls, Tara tried to be a lesbian, Jesus taught Lafayette the ways of the brujo, Lafayette gave himself a Kriss Kross makeover, Hoyt broke it off with Jessica, Jessica screwed Jason, and witches invaded Bon Temps with the strength of a thousand Chico’s stores.

Tonight, all of these fang banging moments (and some very lame moments) came to a glorious end and despite all of the wackiness this season has brought us, the season finale proved WHY HBO original programming blows our mind hole with mythological and folkloric fuckery.

That said, read the following at your own risk. Spoilers are lurking within this text.

First off, Sookie made the most mind-numbing decision of the season: was she going to let Eric or Bill have full ownership of her fairy poonanny? As of late, she’s been making it hot with the softer side of amnesiac Eric and we all know her co-dependent relationship with Bill. But in the very end, she chose neither. In other words, she pulled a Kelly Taylor.

This is variation of the classic episode of Beverly Hills 90210 where Kelly Taylor was forced to choose between Dylan and Brandon. After a great amount soul searching she made a choice that shook the world to its core:

Sookie, just like Kelly, chose herself. And it too, shook the world to its core.

The rest of the season finale had a bunch of other special surprises:

1.) Marnie invaded Lafayette’s body and by doing so, killed Jesus (GASP!) therefore soaking in his brujo power (I still don’t understand what a brujo is). Lafayette then, dressed in what seemed to be an orante dashiki, attempted to burn Bill and Eric at the stake which was then thwarted by Sookie, Holly, and Tara’s cool incantation that they probably learned from The Craft. O.G. witch Antonia (who is in desperate need of a spa day) and Sookie’s gran make a cameo and tell Marnie it’s time to go to the netherworld and she agrees. Order is restored.

Eric and Bill make it hot.

2.) Alcide and Sam have storylines, but none of them are really worth mentioning — plus, Alcide fails to take his shirt off therefore disappointing the masses.

3.) After Marnie’s last stand, Bill and Eric meet with Nan and then kill her — it turns out to be the bloodiest mess of the episode. Gross.

4.) Jessica takes a cue from Red Riding Hood and shows up on Jason’s doorstep in a red cloak and half naked (a whipped cream bikini a la Varsity Blues would have been preferred) to tell him she just wants to be fuck buddies. He kind of complies and they screw. She leaves him naked and he gets another visitor. Steven Newlin, his old buddy from the Fellowship of the Sun — and he has FANGS! However, Jason answers the door naked. Awwwwkward!

5.) One of the best highlights of the episode is Noel Crane’s cameo (from Felicity) — except his name isn’t Noel. His name is Patrick and he’s Terry’s old war buddy.

6.) Arlene’s life is getting a bit more interesting — her deceased, evil hubby Rene pays her a visit and freaks her out with a warning. He tells her that Terry is bad news — and I think Noel has something to do with it. Perhaps he knows about Noel’s crazy past when he was known as Leon and had wild adventures with Javier’s cousin — who had a striking resemblance to the Doritos girl.

7.) Pam breaks down because she thinks she has lost Eric. At least she still has that vintage Cartier necklace she stole from that one vampire they jacked up in the last episode.

8.) In the last couple minutes, Sookie comes home and is greeted by Alcide’s insecure wife Debbie. Thinking Alcide has been boning Sookie, she points a gun at her. She fires. Tara, seeing the danger pushes Sookie out of the way. Tara’s head gets blown to bits. Sookie jumps into action and pins down Debbie and blows her brains out therefore ending the season with a “BANG” — that will be a cliche phrase you will probably hear in thousands of other recaps.

It’s only Wednesday and my Twitter account is on FIRE! I have been coming up with the most clever tweets since Sunday. From the release of Watch the Throne to the latest bat-shit crazy episode of True Blood, I think I am pretty darn funny — and I may be the only one who thinks that.

This is an effort to shamelessly self-promote my Twitter account and to fill space on my blog with news that doesn’t necessitate an entire post, but a Tweet:

Scott Foley is going to be on True Blood.

Things just got serious.

When I read about this morsel of information from my homeboy Michael Ausiello (He’s not really my homeboy — I don’t even know him), I was intrigued and excited.

I, like every other fan, am anticipating the new season (airs on HBO on Sunday June 26). It is guaranteed to be enjoyably trashy, skanky, ridiculously fantastical, dirty, grimy, sweaty, moist, sexy, nasty, hooker-ish, and unbelievably brilliant.

He is set to play “the role of Patrick, a tough and ruggedly attractive old army buddy of Terry’s (Todd Lowe) who pays him a visit” — BUT — will he be a witch? A vampire? A fairy? A were-panther? Maenad? Goblin? Zombie? Unicorn? What the hell is he going to be?

I didn’t read the books so I am totally clueless on this one.

I haven’t watched Scott Foley on a television show since he played Noel Crane on Felicity, the most awesome show about a lovelorn college girl with curly hair — created by J.J. Abrams no less. (I also remember his tour-de-force performance as the killer in Scream 3).

Considering he is back on my TV radar, I decided to compile a collection of some of Noel Crane’s best moments on Felicity:

1.) Early in the series, Noel and Felicity (played by the always sumptuous Keri Russell) start a puppy love romance. In this clip they play a game of Boggle and then they start making out — because Boggle is obviously a natural aphrodisiac.

2.) Noel and Felicity are now a couple, but their relationship is on the rocks. Noel’s ex-girlfriend, Hannah (played by a younger, dowdy and man-ish Jennifer Garner) visits him and Felicity ain’t too happy about that:

3.) Uh-oh. Things have taken a turn for the worse. After their dramatic fight about Hannah, Felicity goes off to an art studio and boinks a sensitive (and much hotter) artist, Eli (played by Simon Rex — remember him?). More than that, he de-virginizes her — and Noel was supposed to tap that first. When Noel finds out, he confronts her and — well — you can watch all of what goes down here:

4.) Wow. It seems like Noel had a pretty shitty time while he was with Felicity. So let’s lighten the mood a little, shall we? This next clip takes place later on in the series when Noel is dating a girl named Ruby (Amy Smart). She gets pregnant and Noel thinks it’s his — I guess this isn’t really adding levity to Noel’s experiences with relationships, huh? But if you fast forward to timestamp 5:30, you can watch a fun little dance party!

5.) OK. This clip will definitely add some fun to the mix of Noel’s angsty life. This was before Hannah and Ruby. This is in the early stages of Noel and Felicity’s relationship when they schedule a sex date. Watch them hit the skins at timestamp 9:05 — things get pretty fiery!

6.) Some of the best Felicity episodes are the ones where the gang is studying for finals. In one “finals” episode, Noel drinks something called “smart powder” and has an allergic reaction that causes him to go crazy. He is no longer with Felicity, but they are still friends. She is supposed to be helping him study, but he finds her studying with Ben (Scott Speedman) — a third point in their love triangle. Watch what happens:

7.) And finally, in one of the later episodes, Tyra Banks plays a character that gets to slaps the fuck out of Noel:

The craziest, raunchiest, bloodiest, and nakediest show on television has made room for an Asian American character.

Yay!

The omniscient TV writers, Michael Ausiello and Andy Patrick of Entertainment Weekly got the scoop on some of the new characters on the roster for season 4 of True Blood — and one of them is a girl named Naomi! She’s described as “an Asian American cage fighter who, outside of the ring…er, cage…is hot-’n’-heavy with one of her female competitors.”

It appears that the show is adding another lesbian layer to the mix. There’s nothing wrong with that — especially if it involves cage fighting. I am picturing G.L.O.W. with fangs and less clothing.

For those of you who don’t watch the show, this new character should give you enough reason to start watching. I mean, c’mon — it has vampires, nudity, cage fighting and now an Asian American character. What more can you ask for?

Within the first couple minutes of tonight’s episode, I snagged this little zinger:

You’re ’bout to get deader, dead ass muthatfucker!

This was said to Bill by a disgruntled werewolf played by Grant Bowler and his name is: Cooter. I repeat: COOTER.

He goes by Coot.

giggle giggle

Bitch! You, me, bridge — ain’t never gonna muthafuckin’ happen.

–said by Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) to Lettie (Adina Porter) after she apologizes for trying to shoot him.

That was the main focus of my conversation with Bryan Batt, the gentleman who portrays the not-so-ambiguously gay Salvatore Romano on Mad Men.

Bryan Batt as Salvatore in Mad Men

Okay, underwear models weren’t really the main focus. But it was mentioned about five or six times.

Last week, while at Macy’s Passport, I was about to sip some tomato soup out of a cup when I have someone tap me on the shoulder and hear the words, “Dino, are you ready? Bryan is available for an interview right now.”

There was a sense of urgency (as always) at an event like Passport. I thoroughly enjoy attending this event every year to see what sort of spectacle they have in store for us (click here to read more about the show). This year, Mr. Batt was serving as the host of the show and Mehcad Brooks from True Blood was about to strut his stuff down the runway as a guest model.

As I entered the mainstage, still craving my espresso cup of tomato soup, I was introduced to Mr. Batt (keep in mind, this was before Mad Men won at the Emmys). He was full of excitement and talking a mile a minute. He was even exhausting me. I swear, I think I was starting to sweat because he had so much energy. I felt like I was going to explode.

So I asked him my first question, “What are you looking forward – ” immediately he said, “Underwear models, are you kidding me?” His infectious chuckle had the personality of a non-annoying gameshow host – endearing and genuine.

As the longest-running HIV/AIDS event of its kind, Macy’s Passport has collected over $28 million for services, prevention, and research and Batt knows it’s more than just about underwear models.

“I’ve been working for (causes) that deal with AIDS and HIV for years,” says Batt. “I do what I have to do. I think anything that could reach out or gets the message out. This disease has been around for too long. However we can get the message out is great.”

Passport is part concert, part dance performance and part fashion show – and Batt was all about the fashion part.

“I’m wearing a Hugo Boss suit,” he laughs during mid–sentence. “I had to fit that into the interview.”

Considering he is from such an iconic show that has been a template of pop culture style (I’m talking about Mad Men in case you haven’t been paying attention), it was interesting to see his take on how the show influenced the world of fashion.

“I think that the ladylike look was coming back before Mad Men,” says Batt. “The show just clenched it. Narrow ties were even coming back before the show. The pendulum was there. Mad Men just helped it swing.”

I wrapped the interview because I was hungry and I knew my espresso cup of tomato soup was waiting outside in the reception area decorated like a farmer’s market complete with a folksy band.

Actually, I would’ve talked more but Mr. Batt was busy.

Bryan Batt, underwear models and tomato soup: what a night.

Here are my top 10 highlights (in no particular order) from tonight’s episode:

1.) Lafayette has gained some of his sass back (i.e. his “Bitch” t-shirt and the fact that he suggested that Eggs – who’s real name is Benedict – be called “Dict” instead of Eggs or Ben). Thank God. I was getting worried.

2.) I can’t believe I am admitting this, but how cute are Hoyt and Jessica? Ugh. I sound like a Twilight-obsessed tween.

3.) Jason in post coital bliss with Sarah inside a church.

4.) Jason beating the shit out of Steve Newlin’s Frankenstein-looking goon.

5.) Did anyone else find the black saucer-eyed zombie orgy creepy and funny at the same time?

6.) We finally got a no frills explanation of what the hell Maryann is thanks to Daphne (R.I.P. – I think). She’s some sort of Devil Goddess who likes to exploit the seven deadly sins and hunt down rabbits with her bare hands.

7.) We saw that Eric has feelings (hence the single bloody tear), which put me in the TEAM ERIC camp.

8.) We FINALLY got to see this mysterious Godric. Well, we got to see him last week, but this week, we got to actually see him in the now – and he looks like a frat boy.

9.) True to Texan stereotypes, Lone Star vamps really like their cowboy shirts.

10.) Although Sookie and Bill are the centerpiece of the show; their love story of co-dependence still stands second in line to everything else on the show.

But let’s put the focus on Maryann Michelle Forbes- the crazy, bohemian dress wearing mysterious witch lady who looks like she’s about to tell us our fortunes via a pay-by-the-minute hotline. It looks like she buys all her clothes as World Market. With her wing tipped eyes and her flowy dresses, she moseyed into the town of Bon Temps and is an aphrodisiac realized.

Here’s what we know about her:

1.) She has history with Sam (Sam Trammell), the town’s bar owner and resident shape shifter on the DL. A long time ago they did it. That whole sex scene between the two of them was creepy. A bestiality kind of creepy.

2.) She has a huge pet pig. I have no idea what the hell this is about.

3.) When she is casting a spell or whatever, she vibrates really fast. She should seriously consider taking up krumping. She would kill it on the dance floor.

4.) She lives in a big mansion and she likes to hosts parties where people get naked, drunk, horny, gluttonous and we recently found out that people get so faded they eat dirt. Now that’s a party.

5.) She has an agenda with Tara. Maybe it’s a lesbian thing, maybe it isn’t. I mean, Tara does have a bangin’ bod. I would not be surprised.

6.) According to a recent interview she did with TV Guide, she is a maend. At the end of the last episode, the people at Tara’s b-day party started going BUCK WILD and Maryann started to grow some serious man hands. In other words, she is that minotaur lookin’ thing that totally jacked up Sookie (Anna Paquin) in the previous episode.

Maryann makes it hot at Merlotte’s, the town’s watering hole

It’s so obvious what her role in this show is. She is vying to be the town’s top-rated party planner. Sure, she may have a problem with controlling her shakes and she may turn into a monstrous beast once in a while – but man – if she can throw a party where people get topless and guzzle down bottles and bottles of wine then she obviously just wants to be the next Martha Stewart. And like Martha, she tends to have manish qualities. Maybe she’s a dude. Or maybe she’s just a tranny trying to be accepted.

Whatever she is, she don’t mean no harm. Now let’s leave her alone and move on to more important stuff on the show – like the name “Sookie.” What kind of southern name is that? I lived in Texas for most of my life and not once have I heard a name like that – and how annoying are Bill (Stephen Moyer) and Sookie?

I’ll just save that for another post…