Being an ironic seasoned Twilight fanatic is easy because you can make fun of the franchise as much as you want but then defend it when needed. Actually, I don’t think I really ever defended the movies and/or books. The writing in the books is pretty terrible and the movies prove that Taylor Lautner is the Keanu Reeves of this generation.

All that aside, I am a fan of the Twilight franchise for novelty’s sake. Otherwise, I wouldn’t do so much coverage on it. It defines a moment in pop culture history and — well — it’s kind of fun in a “let’s poke fun at my moronic little brother” sort of way. You see the relevance of it, but lampoon it every chance you can get. The story and the characters are a gold mine of snark.

But if you refuse to see the latest installment known as The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I, the people over at G4‘s Attack of the Show has created a thorough and in-depth three-minute version of the movie. Enjoy:

[Source: g4tv.com]

I did it. I survived The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1. It was everything I was expecting and more. I was expecting melodrama and received that times 10.

Essentially, the movie is everything the trailer delivers and is in line with the previous teen romance-infused three movies. Edward (Robert Pattinson and Bella (Kristen Stewart) get married, they fornicate and then she gets pregnant with a halvsy baby (the birthing scene is gory fun). As for Jacob (Taylor Lautner), he gets jealous and takes off his shirt — but only once.

Then there’s this really odd “mental” conversation between the CGI’d wolves. Fans of the books will understand, but the execution of the scene was damn funny (keep in mind, it wasn’t supposed to be).

That’s pretty much it. The movie radiates with the hormonal love triangle of Edward/Bella/Jacob, the wedding, the overhyped sex scene, the gory birth, and is a 117-minute set-up to the grand finale. I am sure it will be just as soap operatic, cheesy, and full of moments for me to inappropriately laugh — which basically means Twi-hards will sink their teeth into it and suck up every last drop of vampiric angst.

Acclaimed director Bill Condon has managed to keep the tone of the entire franchise with part one of the finale — but perhaps the movie needed something else. The movie needed an injection of Condon’s Dreamgirls. The music fit in VERY well with the Twilight and would have provided for a monumental Dreamgirls/Twilight crossover event.

Here is an idea of how the music would have fit into the story and what characters would sing the songs:

“Dreamgirls” (Bella, Alice, and Rosalie): The trio would sing this while getting ready for the big wedding to make Bella feel pretty. Even though the song would be used for Bella’s big day, Alice (Ashley Greene) and Rosalie (Nikki Reed) would switch off for the lead because they are encouraging Bella to feel dreamy.

“One Night Only” (Full company): This is a high-production number and it is more than suitable for the wedding reception scene. Edward would start it off and then lyrics can be dealt evenly to the Cullen family and secondary characters (Bella’s high school friends). I envision a HUGE dance sequence led by Jasper (Jackson Rathbone).

“It’s All Over” (The Cullens, Bella, and Jacob): This where the first moment of crisis happens: Jacob shows up to the wedding and talks to Bella. When Bella tells Jacob that she and Edward are going to boink on their honeymoon, he goes ballistic. Jacob would, of course, be taking Effie’s part while The Cullens and Bella intervene and argue with him.

“And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” (Jacob): This is Jacob’s moment to shine. This is where he makes sure that Bella knows that he is here to stay.

“Love You I Do” (Bella and Edward): To add some levity to the previous musical numbers, this jaunty tune would be turned into a duet as Bella and Edward galavant around Brazil on their honeymoon. As opposed to the Dreamgirls version, this one will have a slower, instrumental variation that will play during the headboard-breaking fornication scene.

“Move” (Leah): Now is the time to put some focus on the werewolves. Since Leah (Julia Jones) is the only female in the group, she deserves a moment to take the spotlight and express herself in regards to being dumped by Sam (the son of a bitch imprinted on someone else!). The lyrics are perfect for her to sing as she leaves his pack to join Jacob’s.

“Family” (The Cullens): A heart-warming song to be sung when the family finds out that Bella has gone preggers.

“Steppin’ to the Bad Side” (The Wolfpack): After finding out about the news about Bella’s pregnancy, they are out to get that baby! Led by Sam (Chaske Spencer) the Wolfpack performs a rousing rendition (with an intense dance sequence) of this song as they prep to invade the Cullens’ home. This is the Wolfpack’s moment to howl!

“I Am Changing” (Bella): Bella will take this finale number on her own. It is her diva moment. Because of the bloody birthing scene and what is ABOUT to happen to her (fans will no where I am going with that), the lyrics are appropriate in more ways than one. The power ballad is a bit soft, but it be a cliffhanger. It will leave room for what is to come in part two!

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 opens in theaters today. click here to read complete Twilight coverage.

Based on my roundtable interview with The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 stars Nikki Reed (a.k.a. Rosalie “I’m misunderstood” Cullen) and Charlie Bewley (a.k.a. Volturi baddie Demetri), I would like to see them have their own sitcom. Something along the lines of 2 Broke Girls. Perhaps 2 Broke Vamps. (ZING!)

The pair of them were very informative about the movie, but it was their candid banter between each other (with a table full of journalists as the live studio audience) that made the interview especially exciting:

What was your favorite part about filming the finale?

Charlie: I can’t really go into what happens in the second part (of Breaking Dawn), but needless to say, we were all imprisoned in Louisiana for three months — we had to keep ourselves entertained.

Nikki: Bill Condon is really a joy to work with. I was a big fan of his before the filming process. I think we all feel lucky to have had different, interesting directors come in and give their perspective and collaborate.

Charlie: Yeah — an example with Bill: we were doing this scene it had a bit of combat in it. Bill comes up to me and says, “So, uh, Charlie, this is the first fight scene I have ever filmed, how am I doing?” and I said “You’re doing all right!” (laughs)

Besides the much-anticipated wedding and birthing scenes, are there any other scenes that you were excited about?

Nikki: There’s a real cool scene between Taylor (Lautner) and I that got cut — it’s an iconic scene in the book. It’s a scene where he is hungry and I take this plate and I bend it into a dog bowl. I was so excited about that — and he hits me in the head with the bowl and the food. I don’t know if I am supposed to say that it’s not in the movie, (laughs) but it’s not.

Charlie: I had this great scene that is in the trailer that didn’t make it into the final cut where I got to throw around this Russian girl for a day. It was wonderful! It showed the real primal nature of vampires. I guess they’re saving it for deleted scenes on Blu Ray.

Nikki: Yeah — they got to have something interesting for that.

Why do you think the world is fascinated with vampires?

Charlie: There is that unknowing mythology that they could be in existence or not. Personally, I am fascinated with what might be going on that we don’t know about like parallel dimension, time travel and all that kind of stuff. I’m obsessed with those kind of things. People are obsessed with vampires in the same kind of way.

Nikki: That’s a good answer. It’s true. (beat) I’m not fascinated by that. My brain does not want to think about that because it gives me a headache. I keep it simple.

Charlie: You’re not simple. Don’t downplay yourself — you’re highly intelligent.

Nikki: I really like listening to what you have to say Charlie Bewley. You’re a smart guy.

Charlie: And you’re a smart girl.

Nikki – Thirteen was your first screenplay and it was great. Are you working on another screenplay?

Nikki: I write all the time. Thirteen was one of those things that came about — and if there was a formula for getting movies made or success of any kind Hollywood wouldn’t be such a challenge. I’ve written a number of screenplays. Maybe they’re not as good or maybe I don’t know the right people anymore. I write on my blog quite often — short stories, but fun. It makes me feel really good. I am working on a screenplay right now and a novel. I also just wrote a song for my husband (Paul McDonald) who’s a musician. Writing makes me feel better than anything else.

When’s the last time you watched Thirteen?

Nikki: I haven’t watched it in about six or seven years and then Paul wanted to see it. I won’t let him watch the Twilight series (laughs). Watching Thirteen wasn’t as intense this time — there’s been some distance.

Breaking Dawn Part 1 seems more “mature”. Do you think fans are ready for it?

Charlie: This one really pays service to Stephenie (Meyer’s) writing. There are three big things that come into play and you have a whole movie to realize them. What you find that Bill has done is that he has given a lot of air to the scenes and he’s allowed them to breathe. He’s allowed Kristen (Stewart) to work and show how much Edward means to her character. These are really difficult topics that we won’t get to understand in our own lives. This is one for the fans.

How does it feel to have the Twilight movie franchise finally come to an end? Do you wish that it could go on?

Nikki: Here’s why I wish it could go on — it’s nice knowing that you have a job. I’m just being honest. I know people want to make this more dramatic than it is. It’s not like we were on a television show that got canceled out of the blue. We knew how many books there were going into it. The last book was split into two movies. We’ve been given a bonus trip here. I’m very grateful that we made it as far as we did and I am very positive about the future.

Charlie: Here’s why I think it should go on — as an artist, you delve into these characters and you become them. When you are doing work you really love, you are doing a part of yourself. You’re working an extreme value that you already have. For me, Demetri is that. He allows me to explore parts of my personality that I have yet to explore. Given that this is Cullen-focused/wolf-focused franchise, we don’t get to be in it that much.

Nikki: Neither do I and I’m a Cullen.

(laughter)

Charlie: Well, you have your moments — I saw you in Eclipse with that crazed look in your face as you pushed the doors open.

Nikki: Thanks! Were you into that?

Charlie: I was really into that!

Nikki: Did you see the longer version?

Charlie: No.

Nikki: That’s the only one I saw.

Charlie: Did you go to town in that version?

Nikki: We went to town! It continued!

Charlie: Anyway, what I was saying is Volturi spin-off please.

Nikki: I hear ya! Rosalie could be one of the Volturi.

Charlie: You can “imprint” on Demetri.

Nikki: Oh God. I think Charlie might have to “invent” that he’s in love with me and then fall in love with me — his own journey to self-destruction.

Charlie: That’s right! (beat) Is Dave your husband’s name?

Nikki: I just said it five seconds ago and I’ve said it in every interview!

(laughter from the table)

Charlie: I mentally block it out because I don’t want to admit that you actually got married.

Nikki: I know you’ve been thinking that Charlie. His name is Paul.

Charlie: Paul! Those four-letter words confuse me.

Nikki: Like Dave and Paul?

Charlie: Like Jake and Luke. I get those two mixed up all the time.

Nikki: Are you dyslexic?

Charlie: …or something.

Were there scenes in the movie that you were dreading to film?

Nikki: I dreaded the battle scene for different reasons. Material-wise, I was prepared. I worked with my acting coach eight weeks leading up to it. I felt very comfortable. We had 35 new actors join and I’m pretty sure Bill did individual rehearsals with each of us. Dreading to film because of other conditions like weather or location — we shot the battle scene for the second part in a warehouse filled with fake snow that was giving everybody eye infections. The wedding is absolutely beautiful but no one sees that we were standing in 25 to 30 degree weather and it was raining and muddy.

Charlie: I don’t think I really had a moment where I was afraid of what I had to do. I never had to cry.

Nikki: You haven’t? In any movie?

Charlie: You have to go to a place of severe vulnerability.

Nikki: That’s hard for you, isn’t it Charlie?

Charlie: You didn’t see me crying in the back of the jet today?

Nikki: Are you kidding?!

Charlie: I was, I was!

Nikki: You swear to God? I looked back and you were on your iPad.

Charlie: No, I was crying.

Nikki: Really?

Charlie: My dog had just died.

(laughter comes from the table, the loudest coming from me)

Nikki: Really?

Charlie: No.

Nikki: I am really gullible.

Charlie: Well my dog did die a while ago. I was crying because of the beauty of life.

(more laughter from the table)

Nikki: OK, now he’s really lying. Next question.

Are there any other vampire movies or TV shows you would like to be in?

Charlie: I almost got cast in Vampire Diaries as — what’s his name — Stefan. Very shortly after I got the Twilight role. Thank God I didn’t get it. To be honest, I never really would want to do a long TV stint. I’m not a 9 to 5 guy and that’s the closest it gets in the acting world.

Nikki: Well, I am a 9 to 5 girl. I would love to be on a television show.
I would love True Blood! But what I am fighting right now is Dexter. There is no role right now but I’m waiting!

What is your go-to karaoke song?

Nikki: I can’t tell you! My karaoke songs are so inappropriate (laughs). That’s the way to sing karaoke!

Charlie: Bangles “Eternal Flame”.

Nikki: Alright…(questionably laughs)

Charlie: You know the hardest song to sing in karaoke?

(everyone pauses and waits for an answer)

Charlie: “Love Shack” by B-52s. It’s impossible to sing.

Nikki: I can picture you trying.

Charlie: I tried once and it was an absolute trainwreck.

Nikki: (looks at the bottle next to Charlie) Where did you find beer?

(laughter from the table)

Charlie: Do you want some?

Nikki: No, I am drinking Emergen-C. I need to keep the immune system up right now. It’s runnin’ low.

You can watch my red carpet coverage of the recent San Francisco Twilight event by clicking here AND you can read my other interview with Ashley Greene and Jackson Rathbone by clicking here. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 opens in theaters Friday.

In addition to last week’s grainy, shaky-cam coverage of the Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 event in San Francisco, I had the opportunity to chat with the stars of the movie in a glorious and more intimate roundtable interview setting.

The first pair of stars to face the gauntlet of questions was Ashley Greene (a.k.a. Alice) and Jackson Rathbone (a.k.a. Jasper):

How do you think your characters have evolved since the very first Twilight?

Jackson: It’s a constant evolution. It’s one of the things that first attracted us to the script. It’s lovely to play a character that moves, learns, and grows. Even though we are playing these immortal characters, it’s really lovely for us to grow and learn. With Jasper, he is kind of freaky at first. He doesn’t really know how to deal with humans around. He is trying to embrace this lifestyle because he loves Alice. He wants to be a part of this family. In New Moon, he screws up and almost kills Bella. In Eclipse, he rises up and tries to fight for the family. In Breaking Dawn Part 1, we see Jasper smile which is awesome — and I take this lady (points to Ashley) on the dance floor.

Ashley: Jasper gets to smile and Alice stops smiling for the first time.

Jackson: It’s a flip!

Jackson, right after this press tour, you’re going on tour with your band 100 Monkeys. Do you think you’ll ever take a break?

Jackson: I don’t really believe in down time — well — let me switch that around. I think all of my time is down time because I love what I do. I’m never bored or complacent. One of my favorite poems is “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T.S. Elliot. It’s about a man who wishes to change his life but doesn’t have the will to do it. I have always taken that as a queue to never be complacent.

Ashley, you have two movies coming up: LOL and Butter. Are you excited for your fans to see you in different roles?

Ashley: Yeah — I am. LOL is great because it’s a completely different character than Alice. She’s kind of the bad girl. It’s still a high school film and it’s still relatable — but it’s different. It adjusts to modern day technology and the trials that kids are going through now with this instant ability to put pictures online — and the struggle for adults to relate kids these days. Butter is a comedy and it’s a little dark. It’s about butter carving in Iowa which is a really big thing that I never knew existed. That one is really fun — the cast is incredible.

If you had to go back and redo the entire Twilight franchise, and had to play a different character. Who would you be?

Ashley: I wold be Victoria — cause I really liked her character. I know she’s the villain, but I think there are things about her that you can relate to. Someone took away her life partner and you kind of understand why she wants revenge. Villains are so layered and there’s so much going on and there’s always a reason why they are the way they are.

Jackson: I would be Jacob’s dad because he gets to sit the whole time. There are such long hours on set.

Ashley: You would fall asleep.

Jackson: That would be awesome!

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 opens in theaters Friday.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 comes out on Friday, November 18 but I, like many closeted Twi-hards have been amping myself up for the first part of the teen vampire finale that will

Last week, I slapped on my red carpet gear and attended an event for the soundtrack of the movie at the Fillmore in San Francisco. Documenting it with my amateur FlipCam skills, I awkwardly interviewed soundtrack artists, Ryan O’ Neal, Matt Hales and Lucy Schwartz as well as Twilight stars Nikki Reed, Jackson Rathbone, Ashley Greene, and Charlie Bewley. I especially make a fool of myself while interviewing Nikki Reed. After our conversation, I am sure she thought I was the smartest reporter she has ever met.

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 opens in theaters Friday (as if I haven’t mentioned that enough).

You’ve heard Robert Pattinson talk about it. And you’ve heard Kristen Stewart talk about it. Now it’s Taylor Lautner turn to give us some quick soundbites about The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1…without being shirtless:

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 is on the horizon and Twi-hards are probably so excited that they’re about to pee in their pants.

With that in mind, check out some soundbites from Kristen Stewart — mostly about Bella going preggers:

I didn’t get to interview Robert Pattinson for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 like I did when the very first Twilight movie came out, but thanks to quick clips provided by Summit Pictures, we get to hear his soft-spoken thoughts about Bella’s pregnancy, his relationship with Jacob and the “momentous” wedding:

After a teasing buzz for the trailer for the trailer for Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, the FULL theatrical trailer for the two-part franchise finale of angsty, brooding vampires with Mormon undertones has finally hit the web. Check it out:

There are plenty of talking points in regards to the trailer, but the main one is Bella (Kristen Stewart) getting romantically (yet violently) boned by Edward (Robert Pattinson) and then going preggers with a baby vamp that has an abnormally accelerated gestation. The baby is also destined (spoiler alert) to have a horrendous name (Renesmee) AND she is imprinted by Taylor Lautner‘s bare-chested Jacob (that’s not as exciting and erotic as it sounds).

Plus, there’s a wedding, more werewolf rivalry, Volturi bullying, and what seems to be a honeymoon in Sandals Jamaica.

It’s basically Knocked Up with a vampire twist.

In any matter, nothing has really changed for our favorite coven of vegetarian vampires…hopefully pregnancy will make Bella sound less constipated.

I love how they are making the movie look like a Harlequin Romance Novel/tobacco/dated cologne/”Come visit Forks” ad.

[Source: Yahoo Movies]